Manic Monday

Monday morning and I have a short shift at work thankfully. I'm not well - tension headache, sore throat, chesty cough, tired muscles and I can't sleep. I went outside to see how Jenna is and my cat Tango rushed through the door past me. The sky was so pretty this morning. The stars glistened softly amongst a calm winters morning as the sun started to rise in the distance. It was peaceful yet mesmerizing. I've always loved the simple things in life like a walk in the beach, sunflowers, a beautiful sunset and when a stranger smiles. We get so caught up in our day to day rituals we forget to step back and appreciate the world we live in for what it is. This morning was perfect.

I didn't eat dinner last night, I couldn't. I slept okay... it wasn't a deep sleep at all and i was easily woken but nevertheless laid happily snuggled in with 'he that makes me smile'. Before you all get excited, i'm actually talking about 'henry'- my giant, plush elephant. The kind of sleeping buddy you want: no snoring, sneezing, rolling or stealing blankets!

Interestingly, i went to work and to no surprise at all i felt completely uncomfortable, vague, anxious and neurotic. One of my work colleagues told my boss that if it wasn't for work he wouldn't be friends with me on the outside. Now i don't usually let trivial things like this affect me however in this case it was different. That feeling of someone speaking of me like he is the apple and i'm the worm, i couldn't help but feel down. He looks down at me and thinks he is better than me and that i don't deserve to be PPT. You know, at the moment maybe thats true, but i know damn well i deserve it. I'm the one who was told a long time ago if i wanted to go PPT they would be happy for me to. Im the one out of the three of us who was chosen to move over into DVDS firstly. All of these things don't matter, but now that he has said that about me, i don't look at him the same way. Why should i? I don't feel comfortable with condescending behavior and even if they are 'nice' or have different 'values' and 'morals' no matter what, its still condescending. So thank you. Note the sarcasm?

Recent events have played out like an episode of 'Days of our lives' on repeat. There are things i need to do to better certain situations especially with myself and work. I'm taking each day as it comes and in turn learning more about myself than ever. I like spontaneity. I thrive on excitement - the prospect of adventure. These are my shoes and my view and everyday is another day to ignite. Im addicted to this universal feeling called life.

We spend each day exploring so please don't be afraid to ask questions. Every now and then questions pop up about me, people want to know things but are to afraid to ask the one person that knows 100%, me. Im a pretty open and honest person. I'll always tell the truth so don't be afraid to ask. Quite a few people know what i was doing for work other than the work i do now and asked my best friend, not me, a variety of questions. Those who didn't know me were concerned, to an extent, and assumed the worst. Those that knew me a little wondered why? I don't mind, but no one asked me and i wish they would have so i could explain. Then, instead of receiving sideways glances they would know the truth and understand. Perhaps.

In life we are labelled and thrown into the deep end - you just got to come out free styling, not doing backstroke or even worse, breast stroke. Show everyone you can do it. Show them YOU deserve it not just them. Show them your better than that and then, fuck them off. They weren't worth it in the first place.