My fan is set to 3..

I almost want to pack up my shit, grab my dog and leave. But its gunna have to wait a week or two. My last week of uni forever is fast approaching.. well actually it's already here! Two lectures tomorrow and a lab report due (my last assignment ever) another lecture thurs, 3 exams and bam, im finished uni forever and await my graduation in february. It can't come soon enough.

Im tired of uni and i just want to do my own thing. I think its time i get back up the sunshine coast and play with the animals

JP

its short and sweet and i could write a novel with the material up my sleeve but its going to have to wait. Dont have the mental energy. mmm henry doesn't cut it

And it's time for a break!

Well it was that time again.. another birthday and this time my dads! I woke up with a pounding headache, teary, sore throat and sniffling but nevertheless jumped in the shower, dressed myself and headed out the door for my exam (of which i was totally unprepared for and did not study at all.. and have missed half the classes) but for some reason i just don't care. It's probably because of how i feel at the moment, yet this lack of motivation to study a subject i'm very interested in is telling me something. You know what, i'm just going to get it out there and say what's on my mind -

I just want to kiss you all over, and over again! (Hmm. What a predicament!!)


Is it really necessary for me to post that for everyone to read? Yes. Hey, we all know what it feels like when you just want to be in the arms of the person who makes you go all googly eyed like puss in boots off shrek! Well, that's what he does to me.

Boy am i glad university is over for the semester. I feel positive about next semester considering the surgery will be done and over with and i'll be on the up and outer - to infinity and beyond as they say energy wise at least. Iron tablets are helping - i'm just glad i know for sure what's going on with me now and why for over a year i've been having these aches and pains. I read over some blogs from last year and noticed that a lot of the time i talk of muscle aches and pains, so yes, i'm definitely happy knowing whats wrong and knowing it's nothing major. And no, i'm not pregnant, the baby would be here by now!! I guess i'm not camping anytime soon but hopefully going for a little holiday with my best girlfriend Nadine. You know, she is such an amazing friend and i feel so lucky to have her in my life. Close friendships are so important as we go through the hurdles life throws our way, because support is key and friends will always be there for you. I feel blessed to have a loving family like i do also. I mean, families sure have their own ups and downs and sometimes people just get irritating and moody, and sometimes you just want to be alone and not see anyone! Family is family, and when things are amazing they are there for you, and when you are heartbroken and hurt, they are there for you with open arms and loving hugs because they know you best and will love you no matter what, even if you punch the door in whilst losing it and being moody and speaking badly - like when i sometimes take out my own frustrations on them. Forgiving, and forgetting, loving and more, that's what family is for. We had a lovely birthday night with dad. We gave dad his presents and although i was late - i had some great presents in tow and a beautiful icecream cake from baskins (the very best!) it was another nice birthday spent together.

Let's be honest. On a completely different subject i'm feeling confused. I don't know what to do and i don't know the first step to making it all better except that i will continue doing what i love such as stretching, yoga and pole dancing because it makes me happy. My flame is burning out and needs a little oomph to ignite it and build back that burning flame! Take each day as it comes i suppose.

1minute until midnight and thats my cue to sleep! ARGH its thursday.. hens tonight in my hot red number and new heels oh bam! We are going to hit the dance floor and secretly say in our minds as we step onto it 'move bitches, this floors ours!' Girls, it's on the floor!!

okay, sleep time..

until the sun rises.. JP

Back to the Drawing Board

There's an emptiness in my life.

Okay, so its Tuesday morning and i'm beginning this post at 12:22am according to my macbook pro of which i'm currently typing on. I'm freshly showered after a late dinner of toast and a skype chat with Jindy, and of course, my nightly butt exercise routine - because of course i cannot forget that one! Anywho, i was in the shower, showering away, as you do you know, and thought of the days events (this and that) then writing popped into my head and bam, my new blog post began itself in my head so i felt it was only right to post.

MORNING!!

As you are aware, or not, i'm now 22 and nearly finished my second semester of university. I can't believe how quick the years flown past, however, when you think of everything you've accomplished so far that year it definitely doesn't feel that fast. Nevertheless, it's the 16th August and i am definitely not regretting leaving Seaworld. I'd like to visit, in a year or so.. to see the progress of the beautiful baby dolphins i was so lucky to see grow and develop, yet i don't miss anything else about that place. Working at Seaworld brought so much negativity into my mind that not being there feels amazing. Leaving Seaworld, (although quite sudden with a lack of communication with my team - who don't give a shit if i'm there or not anyway - was one of the best feelings in the world. Less stressed and anxious, no more boredom and freedom. Since my birthday is often a time of reflection as i reminisce over the past few years and how i've grown and developed, my experiences and so on, i can't help but think about my 21st birthday dinner at Hard Rock Cafe here on the Gold Coast. A few faces of the party i don't see anymore, two of which have blocked me from facebook (very mature i see) and a few others which i decided to delete off my facebook anyway for personal reasons and so on. Two of them i really didn't want to be friends with because i hadn't spoken to them in so long and quite frankly i do not care. Way to hurt your shoulder getting onto a pontoon, whatever. I have my best girlfriend Nadine who means so much to me, i have my family and a few really good other friends. I've got some great friends at university and at pole dancing, and you know, its all i need. Life isn't a popularity contest, and if i cared that much about having a massive group of friends, i'd join the other barbies on the gold coast and get drunk on half shots on ladies night - no thanks.

Now, considering this year has had its own ups and downs - physically and mentally - i am looking forward to the next few months. I really feel that some positive things are going to happen and despite relationships having their own ups and downs, i feel positive about my relationship, but only time will tell. Sometimes its late at night i think about myself and who i am as a person - not in an adolescent moratorium kind of way - but in a general well being reflective way. My attitude, opinions, values, ideas and so on. I think about my character and what i need to improve on and my judgements. It's really interesting, i feel like for a few years now i've been trapped in a vicious circle which has had a negative influence on me. I've been feeling frustrated, like i'm thrown to the bottom of a steep wave. I've tried to explain it all and get back up but due to some relationship difficulties, i don't feel too good about myself - only natural. As soon as i've tried to get to the source of the problem, something flares up and im unable to do any more. Instead i analyse everything which is wrong in my relationship and start listing the areas in which we should both make improvements, but all this does is open the door to more confusion and doubt. We all make mistakes - i'm just a girl. I don't know anyone who doesn't need to make some sort of progress in the art of caring and affection, because we could all do with working a little harder on offering unconditional love to our partners and we could all do with being a little less sensitive, egotistical and nervous, however, this is only possible through openness, willingness and good practice. Once we are able to respond to our partners aggression with love, calmness and an open heart rather than with anger and hurt, then we will fully understand that nothing is better for maintaining a good, solid and caring relationship. Ideally a lover should treat his or her own partner as an equal in all aspects of life but we know this isn't the case, we do not live in a perfect world. As a matter of fact, for a whole load of different reasons certain people feel superior to those around them, in some cases it is because they do more than their chosen partner, and in other cases simple ignorance (ignorance is not bliss by the way), and then again there are those that are arrogant and think too highly of themselves. Whatever relationship people are in, i think the most important thing is openness, honesty and respect. Everyone wants to be respected therefore you should respect the other person to and appreciate them, and love them for them. I'm someone very special and unique - we all are. There are no two people alike on this earth - each of us  are irreplaceable. Relationships grow in strength and power when both partners come to terms with the contributions and efforts each person makes.

You know i have noticed that i sometimes suffer from 'mental attacks,' and they aren't doing me any good in my life. They are rather negative and bring me self-doubt and a lack of confidence (something i can be good at). It seems that i am victim to my own mind and the difficulty is that i'm not always aware of being a victim - it's something i'm more so noticing now. These 'mental attacks' are so rapid and frequent that i hadn't realised what was happening to me and how much damage it's doing to myself. I let myself get carried away by my thoughts (hence this blog!) in the same way someone might with a book or film, and they happen at random - anytime and any place. I know they stem from difficulties in my relationships, from certain fears and suspicions. What i need to do is watch my reactions carefully and realise when i begin to have one of those mental attacks and stop it by thinking hard about something else. Once i get rid of these negative mental attacks i can continue to live life more harmoniously and all the energy i spent uselessly on negativity can be put to more positive use! Again it's that little thing called attitude, right george? :)

That's another thing, i know me and George are at different stages in our lives but it does feel so strange to go our separate ways like we did - something we have spoken about recently and feel better for being open and honest with him. I know my blog isn't like it used to be, but i haven't had a lot of time for it. I think it's important i do get back on track with it and write, because writing makes sense to me. True, i have started painting and being a little more creative. Today i grabbed a whole bunch of the pistachio nut shells Jindy and I have been hoeing into and have decided to make a turtle scene out of them. Okay, it probably sounds like the weirdest thing creating a turtle picture out of pistachio nuts but hey, it's art right! I'm looking forward to painting on my semester break from uni. Im not 100% sure if we are going camping but i really hope we do. I've been looking so forward to it and i think it would be really good for us.

You know, life brings along with it it's own daily stressors and routines. Many of this difficulties which we encounter with our partners can become amplified by the daily grind of routine life together. These little stressors and conflicts can sow discord between two people, yet we need to try and ignore it to make the right decisions. Above all, i think it's important to be friends. Of course a couple shouldn't only be about this but relationships have to include friendship for it to work well which is something you and your partner need to understand. The best way to maintain or establish this friendship is to measure the good gestures made within your relationship. I suppose this sounds easier said than done, but a trusting friendship is the best way forward for a couple and i think for my relationship. I think that support is a big thing in a relationship. In a relationship we must treat our partners with the same kindness, sympathy and respect as you would your best friend, and above all, explain this and ask your partner to do the same. In situations it's important to ask yourself 'how would i react if this was my best friend?'

Im so tired. I cant believe it's 1:40am. I'm laying on my stomach and now my lower back is aching! I'm still in pain from the muscle spasm but am treating it with acupuncture (only one session so far) but we will see how it goes! Im looking forward to waking up and treating myself to some healthy porridge (inspired from Jindys mum) and some mandarin juice... nom nom nom. A day of studying, dinner with my best friend and a stretching session - i think it shall be a great day! Clearly my thoughts are a little mismatched at the moment yet i'm feeling comfortable and confident about the next few weeks ahead.

Until the sun doesn't set..

Jp xx

Baby you're a firework

HERE, NOW & ALWAYS

...

or not.

Its just one of those things where no matter what people say, it doesn’t make things better. I feel lost, like I have no direction in life. Sure, I’m at uni finishing my degree but even that’s a wasted endeavor because I’m not even trying. I have no motivation to study, I rarely went to class the second half of the semester, and I’m tired all of the time; my muscles feel weak. It’s taken a toll on my body including my emotional well being, my personal relationships with friends, family and of course Jindy. It’s been 11 days and I’ve got it again.

This irregularity to my health has been going on all year. What started as something seemingly minor, its escalated and it’s like it doesn’t stop. No wonder I’m tired - my bodies working hard trying to fight this pest. It’s just an interfering monstrosity of a being! Anyway, I’ve seen the appropriate people and I can get it fixed soon enough – for quite a high price of course! Yet, something has to be done. I have an exam tomorrow that I’m totally unprepared for it and of course to my delight, this pest has impeccable timing, and has presented itself to me in time for my exam. YAY. . *rolls eyes*

I bought new bedding today, in time for summer and have completely changed my room. Kind of an early spring clean. I think that when my room is clean, something is wrong and it just doesn't feel right, but i know it will only stay like this until i get home tomorrow, then the jodie bomb will hit the house once again. 

Im really looking forward to my exams finishing. It will be complete me time with rest and relaxation. A hens night full of fun, dancing and laughter (perfect timing) and a wedding next saturday to top it all off seeing two of my most awesome friends come together as one family, with their little girl in tow :) Im definitely going to have to wipe my CF card to take many photos! 

You know i have a lot of positive things in my life yet i don't feel normal.

I just want to feel normal again and be appreciated for me. 

History Repeating

Although i am a young and active 21 year old (soon to be 22), i feel like i've been hit by a bus. Im tired and often lethargic, in pain and unfocussed and unmotivated. I feel like i have a kidney infection all over again. Although i've paid for pole i couldn't attend this week. I don't have the energy, heck, i dont even have the mental capacity right now for my speech on palm oil. I just want to be healthy again.

What is in a name?

Everyone has a name, chosen by none other than those on this earth before us - our parents. What do our names mean? Does the meaning to your name define who you are? What about birth signs- astrology. Does your birth sign, (for me, a leo - a roaring lioness) define your personality and characteristics? How about your biological and genetic make up? People are more than just there names (well duh!) more than just jodzsta, pode or rangi? I am more than just a neighbour, a friend, a neice, and cousin. How about more than just a sister or a daughter? How about more than just a distant ancestor or a girlfriend? We are more than what we have ever thought we were, or are going to be. Our experiences shape our thoughts, perception and judgments.

Last night, my boyfriend and i were laying on his bed reading through some interesting notes on astrology. Astrology is a remarkable subject underestimated by those who don't know much about it and conform more to the thinking that astrology is for people who 'need help.' Like psychology, science, medicine and the such, astrology is more than just a name. Its more than a broadened field of thinking into spirituality. There are many kinds of astrology. And for thousands of years people have looked to themselves and their world around them and uncovered a deeper connection into spirituality and more so into our humanity. This is how i see it anyway. I can only speak for myself and what i believe, after all, this is a blog about my thoughts.

The way i see it - i believe that astrology can tell us many things about our personality for enjoyment and wisdom. After all, im nearly 22 and therefore the frontal lobe of my brain is thus still maturing, and as i get older - until about 27 - my brain will continue to develop and mature until it would have developed to its capacity so to say. I will become much more self reflective and notice the little things in astrology and in my horoscope readings that in the past i would have merely skimmed over, however, due to the development of myself (physically, coginitively, and psychosocially) will see just how much it really relates to me. Believe what you will about astrology and believe what you want about your life - but we are all going to die, and thanks to a miracle - we are the lucky ones. So i feel that i should use my time on earth to discover more about myself and my spirituality which will lead to fulfillment in all aspects of my life - relationships, love, my working career, even my travel expeditions i am yet to further encounter. Each aspect of our lives correlate with one another and I yearn to continually live and discover myself 'truly'. I am unique.

Because of all this astrology talk i decided to google astrology and find a horoscope compatibility for myself -a roaring lioness and Jindy - an arien prince! Did you know that astrology can reveal a whole new level of understanding between people simply by looking at their star sign and that of their partner? 

Although we have only been together for just short of 5 months - we have been through ups and downs and learnt more about ourselves and each other than i thought was possible and i love him.

Leo + Aries 

Fire + Fire = Explosion 

The element you share is extremely creative, and hints at a good union. The combination of Leo Fire with Aries Fire is an excellent one — you and Aries can look forward to many satisfying times. 

You are both driven individuals, who have strong creative impulses and know how to support each other. This will help you both achieve your long-term goals. Aries needs to realise that Leo is just as proud and dominating a sign as Aries. There will be no avoiding the who will rule the roost question in this relationship. 

In the extreme, two fire signs combining can be explosive. One can eventually burn out the other — this usually happens if the competitiveness between the two of you gets out of control. But Leo is the fifth sign, which indicates playfulness and a sporting association between you. Try to keep it all in good fun. 

Even if things are going very well, you’ll still have to sort out who is going to be the leader, or see if you can share the job. Neither of you is submissive, so this will be a challenge.

The fact that fire is a common element between you promises very good times, sexually and emotionally. This is definitely a great match in the bedroom. There’s a spark between you there — your connection is spontaneous, fresh and ever youthful. 

If there’s any problem here, it’s most likely to be over-indulgence! Are you complaining, Leo? No way, and neither will Aries! 

You’ll be fascinated by Aries born between 21 March and 30 March. They are ruled by Mars, and this implies a strong karmic association between you. You could have a chance to do a lot of long-distance travelling with them. This combination will be focused on exploration and fun.

Most Arians are compatible with Leo, but the most compatible are those born between 31 March and 10 April — this group has greater solar influences. You will be very drawn to these people and will develop strong friendships with them. Like good wine, these will mature with age. 

Aries born between 11 April and 19 April are ruled by Jupiter as well as Mars. This suggests some very exciting romance between you. Of all the Aries you meet, this group will appeal to you most, sexually. 

Entertainment, sports and other fun activities come naturally to both of you and will keep your relationship sparking. You are also attracted to the innate wisdom of these Aries, and because they are co-ruled by Jupiter, they can calm your fiery and inflexible side


SO this seems to be an interesting match. I think i need to be a bit more spontaneous and learn to be a little more open to meeting randoms.. 


time will tell, and until the sun doesnt set...


peace and love JP

Until the sun doesn't set...

There are so many amazing things we can do in this world, yet most of us are so tied down to our own dreams and aspirations aka our ‘safe zone’ that we overlook subtle opportunities that are floating by. Sometimes, opportunity isn’t so subtle. It has a great, big; ugly head on it with a mouth so large it could envelope your house. Opportunity has a voice that echoes like thunder, screaming down your throat and reverberates through your chest and you simply don’t notice it. Opportunity comes in different shapes and sizes; colours; materials and textures. Sometimes it’s a little package as tiny as a ring on your middle finger, or it can be a large package like a bundle of money you didn’t expect or perhaps a new car. Maybe your opportunity lies in another destination of the world and due to geographical reasons it’s well out of arms reach. Perhaps opportunity comes in the form of something your best friend mentioned, or a simple chance to surprise a lover by becoming committed for the ride. Whatever shape, size or however your opportunity projects itself, don’t overlook it. As a writer something as simple as an autumn falling leaf tells a thousand words and shares its story with me and I see opportunity in my dreams. 

I think as a generation who has had everything given to them, it’s so easy to overlook simple opportunities to be the best person you can be by going somewhere new, trying to cook scrambled eggs (and through personal experience, it isn’t that hard!) or heading to a place you never even wanted to go – all we need to do is change our perspective. I usually say it’s all about your attitude but that’s only a stepping stone; it’s about embracing the ‘new’ and taking a chance, because even if you decide it wasn’t the best thing for you – you learnt something along the way and that kind of experience (added to your knowledge database) will enable you to relax and become more resilient in other situations.

You know, they say this world is full of dreamers and if you don’t like dreaming, have a pascall swirl, because thanks to those dreamers before us we have the kinds of opportunities they only dreamt about. Take skydiving for example – ancient Greek men and women wrote of flying and how lovely it is to watch a bird saw effortlessly through the air, an audacity only dreamt of, yet in this century we have the opportunity to do the same and experience the world from above. I did it and I encourage you to do the same. Even if death was a possibility I wasn’t afraid. We have so much in this world and I’m grateful for the dreams that began the journey to making things happen.  I can only imagine what it will be like to venture off into space, because that’s our next destination. And in so many hundreds of years, someone just like me might be writing a blog about it.

On another note, I have 3 more weeks of classes with a few assignments to go and of course exams. I’m looking forward to my semester break, I’m thinking plenty of pole practice, bush walking and maybe a hot air balloon ride to top it off.

I’m nearly 22 now and I’ve noticed I’m nowhere near as stressed or anxious as I used to be, that’s one thing I can be proud of.

Until the sun doesn’t set, J x

Under the Moonlight

Under the Moonlight (2011)

By Jodie Stewart

I will not lie and pretend this is a silent night,

For fight the moons brightness shines through the dark of night.

The blackened sky is speckled with few stars, here and there,

Masking the beauty of the daylight, heavens not willing to share.

It shines so effortlessly through the fog, a halo unbroken

A tale of its own pure and wonder, for now, remains unspoken.

A whisper softly through the trees shivers through the world,

A story: not for the ears of those who cannot simply tell.

It is what it is, for what’s done is done; yet nothing remains in stone.

The beauty through the blackened sky is one of a kind to show.

Constantly changing, imitating, conditioning and a simply yearn,

To illustrate the beauty of what’s inside, two words: desires turn.

Give thanks to the courage and grace, inspiration merely more,

A dance step and little turn, an old dress weary and torn.

It's repetition, again and again, spinning round and sound,

Hurry, hide and close your eyes the daylights coming round.

Somethings missing.

          You know how warm, cinnamon doughnuts have that perfect fluffy and light texture covered in cinnamon - the smell of them make you yearn for them even more, then one bite and, heaven! But then, theres always something missing, the centre of the doughnut is always empty - this is how i feel.

          I never usually second guess my decisions and choices, however, when something happens and you're lacking support from the one person you need it most, it most certainly leaves you feeling empty and discouraged. Like what you share together doesn't mean all that much to the other person like it means to you. It's the little things in life that make our lives whole, and one text message, saying 'i'm thinking of you' is all it takes. We meet people in our lives, our friendships come and go, and as sad as it may be for some, when you're in a relationship with someone, there are certain things that go with it.

Sticks and stones are hard on bones

Aimed with angry art,

Words can sting like anything

But silence breaks the heart.

~Phyllis McGinley, "Ballade of Lost Objects," 1954

          Basically, what we need is a hand that rests on our own. What we need is for others to respect the relationship you're in with someone and for both in the relationship to respect that to. It's no wonder people prefer not to commit to a relationship - they would much rather not have the responsibility, and prefer to be with whoever, whenever, for however long they wish, then flick them off because they don't mean anything anyway. Many one night stands (ew) and different people "fun" as they would say. Because being with heaps of people, is more important than sharing something special with one person. Remember, something is always missing from that lifestyle to. We all make mistakes and let go. Once its gone, theres no going back, so what would you do? I've heard from people recently that miss me; being with me, my personality and so forth. Was it all worth it in the end that i made the mistake of giving them more than an abundance of chances? No. Because i, in the end, had the ultimate price to pay. It's not good to regret things - the past doesn't matter, but if i could take back our very first meeting, then i would. 

          Least the sun is shining, and i can keep busy studying. Exams soon. Fuck. 

All there is of you

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:

 "make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you."

          Sometimes, we have to be our own best friends. 

Sometimes, we have to trust in our gut instincts and respect our anxieties - maybe they are trying to tell you something. 

          I believe that understanding your own emotions is so important to your health and well-being, and to the well-being of those around you. Understanding the answer to the question "why do i react the way i do?"

          It takes courage to face up to how you feel and accept that your actions are going to hurt someone. It takes strength to believe that you're doing the right thing. Sometimes, it takes sacrifice to put others before yourself. Does the end, justify your means?

It's a beautiful thing.

          Well, what is? You tell me. Life, is a beautiful thing for one. Look around you, take a step back and let yourself fall into the environment around you. Maybe the sun isn't shining, but embrace it, for the world gives us new challenges and hurdles everyday that we as human beings must overcome. Embrace the coldness of the winter period, because somewhere in the world, someone is colder than you. Embrace your warm water in the shower for not all have electricity. Appreciate what you have, as an individual and as a family unit. Some people aren't so lucky.

It's an inspiring thing.

          Is it? Does it make you feel like you can conquer the world? Does it give you courage to step outside your boundaries and truly let go?

It's magical.

          Do you feel truly alive? Do you stand tall in the face of whatever this world throws at you and stand up for what you believe in, but more so, who you are as a person?

It's your life.

          Bon Jovi wasn't kidding when he wrote that 'its your life, and it's now or never.'

Embrace opportunities, because the biggest mistake that i made was being afraid. Being afraid to be me again. Now that i'm here, i know that with my support network, i can conquer anything. Faith has been restored. And fuck it feels good!

JP xx
 

It's Just Simply Introspective.

          "I'm about to turn 22, so i suppose you get a little introspective knowing there's no going back now" - - Jodie Stewart

          Exactly one month ago i sat in this very same chair, on my laptop, and typed away about my roadtrip with my boyfriend to Yamba, Angourie and Byron Bay. One month later and i'm inspired to write once more, and yet it seems like my last blog post was over a year ago, considering how full on my weeks have been studying my second semester at Bond University. Bruce Springsteens 'Secret Garden' begins my itunes playlist. I suppose i'm almost a little shy, when it comes to expressing my emotions today which is a very rare thing for me. Nothing is wrong. The truth is, i feel as though i need to calm down and focus more of my attention inward toward myself and what i need, instead of directing it outward. Perhaps, this is what we call an introspective period.
          My first month of Bond has rushed by. Mid-semester exams are approaching fast for my psychology classes; Developmental and Intro to Psychology: Biology and Personality. I've found some amazing videos and other useful resources to help in my studies but have realised i need to relax and have some time to myself, before thrusting my mind back into the whirlwind of literature its currently exposed to. I'm having a ball, and i'm excited by the prospect of perhaps delving further into psychology as a career. It's only early days and i don't ever know how i could afford to do it, yet it's something i'm very keen on. Just as i am with becoming a yoga teacher. Mum gave me the idea last night i could do massage also, so there are options available to me depending on the path i'd like to take. Even if i don't pursue psychology, these subjects are giving me an excellent grounding in human development from 'womb to tomb' and interesting notes on what is considering 'normal' during a childs developmental process cognitively, physically, emotionally and psychosocially. I feel grateful i can relate to a lot of it, and am understanding more and more about my own personal upbringing, and the upbringing of my siblings and the different affects parenting styles have on children, and there values when they are older.
          It's never been unusual for me to be interested in understanding myself, my own behaviour and how my attitudes and values affect the person i am and how i live my life today, therefore, my introductory psychology class: biology and personality is providing me with excellent knowledge skills. I like to think that i have a balanced emotional IQ about people, and through understanding myself, will furthermore understand others. My mum has always been great inspiration here. Her emotional IQ is outstanding, and it's no wonder her workplace think so highly of her as a team leader who concentrates on building a team, and using her interpersonal skills to bring the best out in people. You know, i'm lucky dad convinced her to have another child. Thanks dad.
          We don't always find things easy living in the world we do, yet, when we have people who support our ideals, our ideas, and value us as worthwhile human beings, we can accomplish more than we know. Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind, and as much as we don't like to admit it, sometimes your parents were right.

Roadtrip! Time to Relax. Explore. Indulge

It was wednesday afternoon, and just as i was wondering what to do with myself and how i should enjoy my last few days of freedom before heading back to my May semester at Bond university, my boyfriend asks me on Facebook, ever so frank, 'want to go roadtrippin'?' well, hell yes! We all love spontaneity and it was perfect. He cruised on down from Brissy to my place here on the Gold Coast, had some Thai for dinner with my family (we've had better, so thanks to mum we got our money back). Bought some alcohol from Dan Murphys and after i scrambled some things together including a few snacks and a sleeping bag, we were on our way. Our first stop, hippy loving Byron Bay.

Ahh Byron Bay. About an hour 10minutes drive south of the Gold Coast past Tweed Heads and not as far as Ballina, Byron Bay is one of New South Wales hidden treasures boasting beautiful beaches, environmentally sustainable living, boutique retail stores, great coffee and a very friendly small town atmosphere. One of the best things? No place in town is higher than 3 storeys (due to council regulations) to keep this treasure a gem of a town so all can enjoy the beach view from a far. We arrived at night time but enjoyed drinks by the beach, a nice walk in the cool breeze and slept in the car like true 'roadtrippers.' It wasn't the most comfortable night sleep for myself - i had a non-stop shift in feeling hot and cold so it was on with the ugg boots, off with the beanie, under the doona, no doona, cuddle my man then damn, i need the 'ladies' aka the fifth tree along the back sand dune off the beach. Nevertheless we got some rest and soon woke up to a beautiful sunrise and a small set of waves kissing the shoreline. What a way to start the day. We walked along the beach and headed back to the car for needed coffee and some 'food for thought' - then it was time for some real food and a trip to the Byron Sky Dive shop.

Check them out here:  http://www.theskydiveshop.com.au/ It's the only one stop skydiving shop for skydivers in Australia. We met an awesome dude there called Joe who showed Jindy (my boyfriend) the gear they have for sale, where they jump and general awesome skydive chat. 

Our stop in Byron was short but always welcoming and considering Jindy may be moving to Byron, it will be great to spend more time in the place. I'm definitely keen to check out some yoga. 

So it was back to the car for our next stop Yamba. Click here to see it on the map - Google Map.

Yamba was so beautiful, pristine and simply captivating. It reminded me of a small slice of Mount Tambourine living but on the beach. The locals were friendly and we had a lovely lunch with handmade goodies at the Caper Berry Cafe and of course freshly squeezed juice with a hint of ginger. Instead of crashing in the car again we decided to stay in the 'Room with a view' which was $80 for a night in the Pacific Hotel. It wasn't cheap or nasty and to pay that little $10 extra for a tv, fridge and a view of the beach like we saw, you had to do it. The only downside was shared communal facilities where i was unfortunate enough to be locked in the bathroom. Great. It was one of those doors with a rusty lock that was flush to the floor - no way under or over the door and the loovers of the window were jammed tight. I banged loudly more than once, no answer. So i hit the loovers down hard a few times till they shifted. I literally stood there for a good 5 minutes before this old couple walked out to their car. I screamed hello, so they waved at me and were about to hop in the car to leave. "No i'm stuck!" I yelled. "you're stuck in there?" the old darling asked. "Yeah i'm stuck inside..." She cracked up laughing at me and sent her husband in to let them know. Yes, it was pretty funny, so i waited and eventually after her attempts and my boyfriends attempts, including me wedging the pliars around it and just pulling with all my might, we got me out. I was so glad, i had to laugh and see the funny side. Of course it was going to happen to me. 

Yamba, the sleepy fishing village on the north coast of

NSW (population 5600), was named the Best Town in

Australia, pipping renowned holiday hotspots like Byron

Bay, Noosa, Port Douglas, Broome and Apollo Bay. 

Byron Bay is the only other NSW town to make it into the Top Ten

of the 100 Best Towns in Australia.

Australian Traveller editor Greg Barton is already

apologising to local residents for telling the world. “Sorry,

Yamba locals. We’ve let the cat out of the bag,” says

Barton. “You can’t keep a secret this good forever.”

“Yamba has that X-factor: underdeveloped, underrated and

totally unpretentious. Great surf, a fantastic community, it’s

a safe and peaceful getaway,” Barton continues.

To read more click the link below:

Yamba_Nations_Best.pdf

So Yamba proved itself to be one of the best towns i've ever visited, and with company like mine we had the best time. It's definitely one town not to be missed. All i want to do now is live in Yamba or Angourie (it's neighbour).

Here's the Situation

Please excuse me for how slack i've been posting in my blog. I needed a well deserved break away from the 'screenager' generation and technology. We are living in a world where we are taught from a young age that all the fun happens within a screen. I'm talking nintendo ds, playstation and game systems alike, iPhones/blackberry and touch screen digital systems. We have entered a world where our lives depend on digital technologies to help us accomplish tasks quicker, so there's more relaxation time. Without this form of 'screenager' technology we would actually have less stress in our lives.

Nevertheless i'm BACK and ready to wear it well.

One more week and i'm back to university, semester two and only 6 subjects until graduation. Im undertaking psychology and public speaking - subjects i'm very interested and eager to get into. The only thing that sucks... Monday 8am lectures. Dam.

Pole fitness is going well. I'm gaining more strength and flexibility and continually being inspired by copious amounts of youtube videos about pole dancing moves and of course my idol Felix Cane. Check her out by clicking this link:


Miss Felix Cane Miss Pole Dance 2010
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DQRUI6aOf4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Here is a sample of images of moves i have accomplished so far.

Its sensuous. Its sexy. Its ART.

Why pole dance? 

Pole Dancing is a great way to increase your strength and flexibility in a sexy and fun way, not only building confidence, but a more defined and strong YOU.

BUT

If your in doubt...

YOGA IT OUT :D 

A life well lived

Although you wouldn't have guessed it, i'm enjoying a good stretch whilst typing this and contemplating a 'life well lived' - seneca. Sitting on the floor of my lounge room in my underwear; a middle split and laptop between my legs, (in fact i'm sure my legs are going to seize up any moment) i can breathe a sigh of relief knowing theres only one more exam to go at university and i can relax. It's easter holidays soon and the boy and i leave for a camping trip along Noosa North Shore on Tuesday morning. This cloudy weather doesn't look promising, but it's forecast to be a week of sunshine from wednesday onward so fingers crossed the sun decides to come out and play. Sunscreen, anyone? Lets not get burnt again. 

I've been thinking, it always happens to a friend of a friend, of a friend, although i must say, people are shit scared of the great unknown and the truth. I consider it bordering along pathetic. We all want our lives to pan out the way we plan it, meet the perfect people, do what's right for us and maybe we should be a little more selfish. 

You realise that in the eternity of space theres probably a planet out there just like this one?

Did I mention his Canadian visa was declined? Disappointing and frustrating indeed. His plans have had a spanner thrown in the works but am I happy that im spending more time with him and there's no longer a break off point? Well of course and who knows what doors this will open for us now.

Live your life the way you want to, go hard at whatever It is you want to achieve because no matter who throws negative judgments and what not towards you, it's you who will make a difference in your life. Dance the night away and go jump out of a plane.

LoVe is not enough

Every little thing that occurs in our life has consequences. Every little feeling, or moment; every time you step outside the door and feast your eyes on the world around us, you take a deep breath and willingly venture out and see what you can accomplish that day. You may have the day off from work, the sun is shining and you head to a day at the beach. Or you might go grocery shopping, do your household chores, take your children to a park whatever it is you decided to do, you discover more about yourself and learn that life is fleeting (even if you do know how to use it) thanks Seneca. 


A happy life is one which is in accordance with its own nature.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

My mind cannot begin to distinguish between the events of late. It's not High Fidelity, a story about growing up when you're grown up, but it sure feels like it. Last day of week 11 at university. One analysis report to complete about the Australian Securities Exchange, (riveting). A presentation about my Yoga by Donation project, two exams and endless nights of studying. I have a lot to look forward to in the coming weeks. There's skydiving (what a rush), nights with friends who i haven't seen; i'm sure there are many stories to be shared, my exams and camping before easter. April is forecast to be a month of fun and adventure, including horse riding along the beach in Noosa Foreshore, romantic huh? 

Some things have happened that have made me second guess everything that it is i'm doing with myself, but a conversation with my sister (for those of you who don't know, i met her via facebook) turned things around for the better. I was able to explain things, without having that feeling of judgment, stripped bare i disclosed my true feelings. Thank you technology.   

My dad is home from his two month adventure to Melbourne, Tasmania and Adelaide. I missed him you know, he is my dad after all, however, relaxation is the key to fulfilment and happiness. It's something he needed, to get away, everyone needs a break every now and then. I know he had a great time seeing old friends and family. I'm jealous of all the picturesque scenery (good and bad) he would have seen, the characters he would have come across, the sights, the smells of a new city. Like a new emotion, tingling, contradictory to the norm. I want to travel and see the world, meet people and experience the sights and smells of another culture, another world. After i graduate from my degree I don't know where the end of this year will take me, the places i'll end up but i'll be out there somewhere in the world. We all have goals, ambitions and dreams right? 

I have a boyfriend who makes me feel alive and happy who is leaving somewhat soon (i'm not sure of exactly when as it keeps changing depending on his circumstances) to embark on his own adventure, hence, we have a break off point. Therefore, one would say our relationship is rather casual considering the deadline, yet it feels so serious at the same time. Half the time i can't explain what it is yet i go with the flow and enjoy it for what it is. Want me to tell you the honest truth? Sometimes, love is not enough... Currently it's the biggest thing in his life at the moment, but i don't want to be reminded of the fact that he is leaving every time i'm with him, for our time together is fleeting, like an old photos colour that's slowly fading. Sure, colour can be restored, but can that feeling between two people last? That one moment? 

I remember the time we first kissed. We were in Brisbane standing on some sort of bridge from the Botanical Gardens. I wasn't ready for it, he grabbed me, pulled me in and kissed me. There was so much energy, i still feel it when i kiss him today. Its an amazing feeling and feels like it only happened yesterday. He stares at me, sometimes constantly and reminds me how gorgeous i am like a record on repeat, but i enjoy it. I mean who wouldn't? It's nice someone feels that way about me. We were driving in the car and he said 'i think i love you.' After we had a disagreement the night before...If he truly loves me, he wouldn't say 'i think.' Love is not a word i throw around to just anyone and i really care about him, that's no surprise to any of my friends or to himself. I honestly don't know how to begin deciphering through the hidden messages my gut feelings are sending me. What's swept through feels like a whirlwind and i can't sleep at night. The feelings will pass soon, but is it bad things would be much easier if i simply never met him? I feel unsettled, almost anxious and I had a mild anxiety attack last week. Don't get me wrong, i'm so thankful for meeting him, he has given me this sense of 'being' i can't explain it, i'm a lot more motivated and conscious of what i'm doing. The time i have with him is short but i do plan on seeing him in Canada; being with him is awesome, we don't stop smiling around each other. We have something special. You can feel something special with different people and this is one of those. I just wish there was some kind of manual for it. Something to tell me what to do, a guideline. He tells me i'm gorgeous and then tells me when he gets back from the States, he hopes that i 'will dump whatever douche bag i'm with and be with him.' An interesting comment, i chuckled of course. He says funny things like that all the time, how he would marry me and pop out a few kids with me when he gets back because he doesn't want anyone else but me. What more am i to do, than just laugh and take it on the nose? He told me he would marry me on our drive to Noosa after only knowing me for a little bit, staring at me the whole drive, hey i'm glad i made it back safe and sound. When he smiles at me, it's more than words could ever express. As he said to me 'absence makes the heart grow fonder baby.' now who's the romantic one? Just kidding. 

We go through our lives from one extreme to the next forming partnerships and relationships, some shorter than others. We be spontaneous; things can and do happen rather unexpectedly so we embrace the opportunities that come our way. Things happen beyond our control and we can't help the feelings that we feel. This year is a big one for me, and i would love for him to be apart of it at least until July. He needs to save up quite a bit of cash anyway but sometimes i feel like he will just spring it on me that he is say, leaving next week. He already told me he can't bear to say goodbye to me, so would much rather just leave, and call me from America as he 'doesn't want to see me hurt.' If he respects me, he will be brave enough to say goodbye to me properly.

No one likes to hurt anyone, but everybody hurts sometime. At the moment Bob marleys Could you be loved is playing in the background. It reminds me of him. 

Could you be loved and be loved? With a timeline?

Brighter days ahead

Everyone is someone not even mildly the same.

Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours.

Not even a month has passed and i feel like i've known him for a year. 

We have all been there. Whether it was a short relationship or the break up of a long term marriage the pain is still there: that ultimate grief you feel when you have lost someone you thought you would be with forever.

"Missing you isn't the hard part, knowing I once had you is what breaks my heart."

You may miss them but knowing that you were with them and never will be again is going to take some coming to terms with.

Human beings have incredible tales of love, heartache, grief, pain, adventure, war and other people who touched their lives or walked in and out. We live our lives from one stage to the next, riding on our horses way up unto the sky and that's just the way it is. When we fall, our friends and family are there to pick us up but the question is when?


I think it's time i forget about thinking of my past or my future as such but enjoy the present. The ending is inevitable and i know i will be saddened. As the saying goes, people walk in and out of your lives and some leave footprints on your heart. So many times i miss certain people in my life. Something exciting happens to me and i want to ring up 'such and such' or 'that person' but i don't because i can't. Those people are no longer apart of my life anymore for one reason or another. My head is spinning round. What is it with night time and endless thoughts? I should go to bed and watch flight of the conchords to take my mind off things. Should, could, don't. Kind of like studying for my mid semester exams - i know i should have, i really could have, yet i didn't. One year and i'm still not motivated, perhaps quitting my work will help? I spoke to my supervisor about dropping back to casual as i don't think i can fulfil the requirements of my permanent contract. I wish i cared more and i don't - a saying typical of the past week. My happiness is so important to me this year, as it should be and at work i'm extremely unhappy, so i need to do something about it. Don't sit back and watch my miserable days go by but get out and make something happen, a positive change to another scenery. I've been trying to find a new job and it's not easy. If only i could draw. 

My best friend and i spent the afternoon together dealing with murphys law for one (technology does not like me!). But then soon after headed into surfers to get some new ink - my long awaited sunflower tattoo. The tattoo looks amazing and i'm very happy with it, i just didn't think it would take so long. 


JP x


PS: grhhhrhrhrhhrhrhrhruuuurrr


All of the colours i see everytime i see you.. is everything still a bet?

Happiness depends upon ourselves

Bill Cosby once said: "decide that you want it, more than your afraid of it." This is easier said than done. I headed to the beach this afternoon after a very hot day with the boyfriend and couldn't head into the water past my knees. Put simply, i'm afraid. My boyfriend laughed at this but i've been frightened for along time now, and laughing doesn't make it easier. I shrugged it off as he headed off into the waves almost frolicking about, but as i stand watching the waves crash down onto the sand, i feel anxiousness as nerves twist their way through my stomach and my breath shortens. "I'm more afraid of the waves than going skydiving," i said. "You know it's illogical to be afraid of that over skydiving, i bet you won't say that when the doors open and your about to jump out," he said. "I know i'm a goose, i blame my dad." (Sorry dad but i do) The ocean is a dangerous place for marine turtles, therefore its dangerous for me. I'm kidding i know i shouldn't be afraid and i will face my fears, as long as i have supportive people around me who help me through it. The asthma thing makes me nervous, but considering i jogged for 20minutes two weeks ago, i know i can do this and i will fight it.

It was great spending the afternoon with someone who constantly makes me smile. He was working hard, had a move from Brisbane to the coast so i showed up with 'v' in tow waiting for him to finish so i could grab him and kiss him. Who doesn't like a sweaty man working hard? And a man who gets so distracted by you that he locks his keys in his truck. "Better luck next time." Lucky for us my RACQ membership got us through and the guy let us off the hook. The truck was easier to break into than my ford apparently.

I do love this feeling and i love seeing my man. I try and enjoy my time with him and not think about the future but rather enjoy what time i do have with him. I know he is excited about leaving and heading off on his adventure around the states, i mean what he is about to do is unreal, but i don't want to hear about it all the time. Considering he is embarking on a relationship with me yet i do understand he is leaving, i just can't be without him. Looks like we will just have to wait and see what happens.

I'm an honest person and i say how i feel. It would be great if we lived closer together and its interesting the timing he has coming into my life. At the moment, he's the best thing i have besides the most beautiful girl friends i'm so fortunate to have and my loving family. I don't know, its just different and i don't have the brain power to describe the thoughts running through that 21 year old brain of mine. I want to achieve a lot this year and he motivates me to do this. No matter how much i tell myself 'enjoy the now', he is a man worth more than just a fling.

Living in the NOW!

You make me feel like i'm living a teenage dream, a fairytale of wonders in my own new world order.

It's infectious.

It's ruthless.

It's definitely not a game. 

It has an unknown ending; one we cannot tame.

It's interesting, you know, feeling the way i do about a certain someone who has come into my life gracefully unexpectedly and completely out of nowhere. Has everything in my life changed for the better, or could it be for the worse? 

Tonight I'm exhausted, although i did have a lovely afternoon, i'm sitting here typing away on my laptop, switching between Facebook and this blog, teary eyed, straining to keep my mind actively positive. It was definitely a sunday i wish would happen every sunday, minus the morning work. I have two exams tomorrow, one for the morning, and one for the afternoon. One of my assignments is due by midnight tonight, and it's very unlike me to not have even started it. Wait i wrote my name, student ID and completed the heading, does that count? Does it cross my mind that this lack of motivation is completely unacceptable? Does it bother me? Well yes, but at the moment i just want to pass. Quite frankly a high distinction for the subject means nothing anymore, not like it did in week 1. The subject literally bores the crap out of me and i can't wait for it to be over and done with. Fin. Through high school i thought university was all about 'what you wanted to do' and 'what you wanted to achieve with your life', not being made to do a subject just so the university can pat itself on the back and say 'look what our graduates graduate with: a certain set of skills and outcomes unlike any other university graduate.' Mmm hmm.

I'm back to the drawing board. No savings, my hard earned money, gone. $360 fine for not displaying my p-plates and going 110km's in a 90 zone before the gate way bridge ("is there any reason your speeding?" he said. "No... it's a highway...?" "hm" he snarled.) Lucky for me my man was in the car and i stayed calm, i mean, when do i get pulled over by police? I didn't know what to expect. I felt like a little kid at school who was in trouble for eating in class or something. Now if i didn't sell my soundwave ticket i wouldn't be down $360, i wouldn't have gone on a Brisbane river cruise and gotten sick and i wouldn't have spent quality time with a great person. Okay well the soundwave ticket thing is all well and good in hindsight, but do i regret spending quality time with a person that makes me smile all day? Hell no. 

The last 14 days have opened my eyes to new possibilities, new adventures and new landscapes. A change of scenery is in order, yet it's going to have to be later, rather than sooner (contradictory to the norm). It's like a whole new emotion, tingling, something i haven't felt in a long time. It's not the usual 'he's cute' business that's only natural, it's something more. My motivation has taken on a whole new level. I want to get out and see the world, travel, explore and do what i love. I wish i had more motivation to study for these exams, finish and upload my assignment and get good grades yet it's just not there. Not for this anyway. I've got the motivation to be on Facebook, still, get up off this chair and make vegemite toast, chat to friends, write poetry, hell i've got motivation writing my blog but i look at this uni stuff and go blah, oh how I can't wait till tomorrow afternoon. Done and dusted. That vegemite tasted good. 

So lets be honest, i think just don't fight it, if you don't know what it is, however it's hard to let your mind stop. I don't want to resist the feelings (the feelings you feel, when you want to keep feeling it) but do i let myself fall or continue to hold myself back and just stand at the edge of the plane anticipating the jump? Do i simply fall out the side and let myself go, awaiting the sudden stop where the parachute is released, and i'm not free falling anymore, just cruising and experiencing the cool breeze on my face? Enjoy it for what it is? There's a breaking point, do i set myself up for the fall and reflect on the roller coaster i experience along the way, or end it now? To jump, or not to jump? What would you do? 

Your life is what you wish it to be, if you wish it. So don't sit back and watch things happen, go out and make things happen. I'm doing it and i'm making it happen for myself. Sunscreen stops blype. Wear it. 

JP Xx 

we can tan in the moon light, 

set free across the seas, explore the world around us and use only what we need. 

i love the world around us 

and these feelings we can feel, its an experience, an adventure, one completely unexpected and surreal