A life well lived

Although you wouldn't have guessed it, i'm enjoying a good stretch whilst typing this and contemplating a 'life well lived' - seneca. Sitting on the floor of my lounge room in my underwear; a middle split and laptop between my legs, (in fact i'm sure my legs are going to seize up any moment) i can breathe a sigh of relief knowing theres only one more exam to go at university and i can relax. It's easter holidays soon and the boy and i leave for a camping trip along Noosa North Shore on Tuesday morning. This cloudy weather doesn't look promising, but it's forecast to be a week of sunshine from wednesday onward so fingers crossed the sun decides to come out and play. Sunscreen, anyone? Lets not get burnt again. 

I've been thinking, it always happens to a friend of a friend, of a friend, although i must say, people are shit scared of the great unknown and the truth. I consider it bordering along pathetic. We all want our lives to pan out the way we plan it, meet the perfect people, do what's right for us and maybe we should be a little more selfish. 

You realise that in the eternity of space theres probably a planet out there just like this one?

Did I mention his Canadian visa was declined? Disappointing and frustrating indeed. His plans have had a spanner thrown in the works but am I happy that im spending more time with him and there's no longer a break off point? Well of course and who knows what doors this will open for us now.

Live your life the way you want to, go hard at whatever It is you want to achieve because no matter who throws negative judgments and what not towards you, it's you who will make a difference in your life. Dance the night away and go jump out of a plane.

LoVe is not enough

Every little thing that occurs in our life has consequences. Every little feeling, or moment; every time you step outside the door and feast your eyes on the world around us, you take a deep breath and willingly venture out and see what you can accomplish that day. You may have the day off from work, the sun is shining and you head to a day at the beach. Or you might go grocery shopping, do your household chores, take your children to a park whatever it is you decided to do, you discover more about yourself and learn that life is fleeting (even if you do know how to use it) thanks Seneca. 


A happy life is one which is in accordance with its own nature.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

My mind cannot begin to distinguish between the events of late. It's not High Fidelity, a story about growing up when you're grown up, but it sure feels like it. Last day of week 11 at university. One analysis report to complete about the Australian Securities Exchange, (riveting). A presentation about my Yoga by Donation project, two exams and endless nights of studying. I have a lot to look forward to in the coming weeks. There's skydiving (what a rush), nights with friends who i haven't seen; i'm sure there are many stories to be shared, my exams and camping before easter. April is forecast to be a month of fun and adventure, including horse riding along the beach in Noosa Foreshore, romantic huh? 

Some things have happened that have made me second guess everything that it is i'm doing with myself, but a conversation with my sister (for those of you who don't know, i met her via facebook) turned things around for the better. I was able to explain things, without having that feeling of judgment, stripped bare i disclosed my true feelings. Thank you technology.   

My dad is home from his two month adventure to Melbourne, Tasmania and Adelaide. I missed him you know, he is my dad after all, however, relaxation is the key to fulfilment and happiness. It's something he needed, to get away, everyone needs a break every now and then. I know he had a great time seeing old friends and family. I'm jealous of all the picturesque scenery (good and bad) he would have seen, the characters he would have come across, the sights, the smells of a new city. Like a new emotion, tingling, contradictory to the norm. I want to travel and see the world, meet people and experience the sights and smells of another culture, another world. After i graduate from my degree I don't know where the end of this year will take me, the places i'll end up but i'll be out there somewhere in the world. We all have goals, ambitions and dreams right? 

I have a boyfriend who makes me feel alive and happy who is leaving somewhat soon (i'm not sure of exactly when as it keeps changing depending on his circumstances) to embark on his own adventure, hence, we have a break off point. Therefore, one would say our relationship is rather casual considering the deadline, yet it feels so serious at the same time. Half the time i can't explain what it is yet i go with the flow and enjoy it for what it is. Want me to tell you the honest truth? Sometimes, love is not enough... Currently it's the biggest thing in his life at the moment, but i don't want to be reminded of the fact that he is leaving every time i'm with him, for our time together is fleeting, like an old photos colour that's slowly fading. Sure, colour can be restored, but can that feeling between two people last? That one moment? 

I remember the time we first kissed. We were in Brisbane standing on some sort of bridge from the Botanical Gardens. I wasn't ready for it, he grabbed me, pulled me in and kissed me. There was so much energy, i still feel it when i kiss him today. Its an amazing feeling and feels like it only happened yesterday. He stares at me, sometimes constantly and reminds me how gorgeous i am like a record on repeat, but i enjoy it. I mean who wouldn't? It's nice someone feels that way about me. We were driving in the car and he said 'i think i love you.' After we had a disagreement the night before...If he truly loves me, he wouldn't say 'i think.' Love is not a word i throw around to just anyone and i really care about him, that's no surprise to any of my friends or to himself. I honestly don't know how to begin deciphering through the hidden messages my gut feelings are sending me. What's swept through feels like a whirlwind and i can't sleep at night. The feelings will pass soon, but is it bad things would be much easier if i simply never met him? I feel unsettled, almost anxious and I had a mild anxiety attack last week. Don't get me wrong, i'm so thankful for meeting him, he has given me this sense of 'being' i can't explain it, i'm a lot more motivated and conscious of what i'm doing. The time i have with him is short but i do plan on seeing him in Canada; being with him is awesome, we don't stop smiling around each other. We have something special. You can feel something special with different people and this is one of those. I just wish there was some kind of manual for it. Something to tell me what to do, a guideline. He tells me i'm gorgeous and then tells me when he gets back from the States, he hopes that i 'will dump whatever douche bag i'm with and be with him.' An interesting comment, i chuckled of course. He says funny things like that all the time, how he would marry me and pop out a few kids with me when he gets back because he doesn't want anyone else but me. What more am i to do, than just laugh and take it on the nose? He told me he would marry me on our drive to Noosa after only knowing me for a little bit, staring at me the whole drive, hey i'm glad i made it back safe and sound. When he smiles at me, it's more than words could ever express. As he said to me 'absence makes the heart grow fonder baby.' now who's the romantic one? Just kidding. 

We go through our lives from one extreme to the next forming partnerships and relationships, some shorter than others. We be spontaneous; things can and do happen rather unexpectedly so we embrace the opportunities that come our way. Things happen beyond our control and we can't help the feelings that we feel. This year is a big one for me, and i would love for him to be apart of it at least until July. He needs to save up quite a bit of cash anyway but sometimes i feel like he will just spring it on me that he is say, leaving next week. He already told me he can't bear to say goodbye to me, so would much rather just leave, and call me from America as he 'doesn't want to see me hurt.' If he respects me, he will be brave enough to say goodbye to me properly.

No one likes to hurt anyone, but everybody hurts sometime. At the moment Bob marleys Could you be loved is playing in the background. It reminds me of him. 

Could you be loved and be loved? With a timeline?