Always putting my positivity forward, i've come to realise there are better ways to live a happier, healthier life. Put simply, i haven't been trying to do anything exceptionally different and it's been so easy. I've been doing the tried and true steps towards living a fulfilling and happier life such as drinking plenty of water, soaking up the sunshine and allowing my body to receive the vitamin D it needs, reading a little more, eating fruit, exercising at least 30minutes a day and stretching. Although these are simple steps and what i've been doing regularly, most of all i've learnt how to relax and enjoy the company of ones self. Throughout my life i've always been busy doing one thing or the other, going here there and everywhere, and not giving myself sufficient time to relax and let my mind slow down and really be aware of my thoughts. I danced for 12 years doing ballet, jazz, tap, contemporary, modern and pointe. I attended dance classes 5 or 6 days a week and competed in eisteddfods each weekend. I studied and kept up to date with my schoolwork completing homework and working on assignments till late at night or in between my dance classes whilst chowing down some Hungry Jacks (yes, even though we were dancers, we weren't always the healthiest, but mostly, we were.) At about 15 years old i lessened the amount of dance classes i attended and turned my focus onto my school work. I changed schools and left Helensvale State High School for Coombabah State High School half way through grade 11 and didn't regret this decision ever since. I needed a change of scenery and a change of people to surround myself with. As school was finishing up, I lessened dancing once more and discontinued ballet and jazz classes, instead replacing them with Modern Jive partner dancing classes, and spent my week of Schoolies 2006 dancing and enjoying learning everything i could about partner dancing, dreaming of competing in the Modern Jive dance championships. After four weeks off from year 12 i began studying a full time degree at Bond University here on the Gold Coast. I completed four semesters but during my second semester studying i was hit with Influenza A, which made it's nasty way into my tonsils and stayed there ever since giving me Chronic Tonsillitis for 2 years. A strain of Glandular Fever also made its way into my bloodstream and i became exhausted and fatigued and could no longer focus on studying. I thought i wanted to be in the film industry and i thought studying a Bachelor of Film and Television would be everything i dreamed it would be. Instead, studying film took the passion and love i had for it out of me and replaced it with hatred. I couldn't stand anything to do with film and photography and i didn't want anything to do with it, i found it was a mere hobby. I met a lot of amazing people through that time at Bond and it taught me a lot about myself and the person i wanted to become.
After deferring from my degree i decided i needed some life experience and to take a break from studying because it seemed it was all i did, so I applied for a job at Seaworld as a Ride Attendant, and later began filming the dolphin and seal swim adventure programs, taking photos of guests hand feeding stingrays, cleaning and conducting resort tours as a guide. It was definitely an experience unlike any other, and never did i once think that my uniform everyday would consist of board shorts and a rash vest and i would be immersed in water surround by a dolphin or two with a camera in my hand. A handful of my friends finished their film degrees and struggled to get jobs where they wanted to be, and here i was with a camera in my hand filming everyday as a job. It was truly an amazing experience and i'll always remember the people that touched my life whilst i was there and helped me through some sad times. It pained me to find out someone i thought very highly of ended his own life last year who i met during my time there. He really touched me and helped me out through a variety of situations and circumstances, offering advice and a hug and to say everything would be okay, and it saddened me to hear the news because i didn't see the pain he was going through himself. R.I.P Decka, you were always so strong. I'm always thinking of you mate. As i've said earlier, grief is like the ocean, its bigger and deeper than all of us and sometimes you just don't realise how deep of a hole someone has dug into their own mind, when that is their only way out.
After a few years at Seaworld and a conversation with my half brother Israel, who made me realise it wasn't too late to finish my degree i went back to Bond, changed my degree to an Arts Degree majoring in Film and Television and completed it within the year, graduating in February 2012. Whilst completing my degree i dabbled in different subject areas such as Journalism, Business, Psychology, Technology and Human Biology to get a real feel for what i wanted to do the next year. Slowly too my health plummeted until finally i succumbed to an awful viral infection and Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome which some doctors referred to as Chronic Fatigue. I couldn't attend my graduation because it was impossible for me to get up off the couch for more than half an hour without aching so much i had to go back to sleep or at least lay down again. Nevertheless, Bond posted out my certificate in the mail and i raised a glass to myself and said 'woo hoo.' In February this year I begun a Certificate of Swedish Massage, but had to drop out of it within two and a half weeks because it was impossible to get up out of bed and make it out the door without wanting to fall asleep. I lacked the energy i needed to live out a normal day. As a last hope of getting better after weeks of no improvement, i booked into a Naturopath and bought my mum for moral support. During my consultation tears fell down my cheeks as i felt at wits end for losing so much energy and motivation for general daily activities let alone my massage course and dancing. It was such a shock to me, and my mind to go from being so incredibly busy with always something to do, to not being able to complete a simple task like make a sandwich without being in pain. My body ached, and my mind yearned to learn and seeked the knowledge to get better. Basically, i needed to rest, and i needed to get my immune system fighting because it didn't want to fight anymore. I had to drop out of my massage course, drop any kind of studying i wanted to do, drop dancing and not go anywhere or do anything fun. I had to rest. I pushed away my friends and family and became quite reserved and secluded. After 7 months of naturopathic consultations and rest i finally became better and now it feels like that part of my life is just a page of history that i would like not to repeat itself. I feel as though my year only began in August as i turned 23 years of age and met my wonderful boyfriend in Rockhampton of all places. I feel we found love in a hopeless place.
The past few months i have still struggled to keep a positive outlook on my future as the stresses and struggles of everyday life and others putting their pressure onto you can get you down, however, i feel if i take each day as it comes and open up my heart and my mind to new experiences, things will fall into place. Sometimes you get lucky and the universe delivers the perfect solution. For me, i feel my heart and soul yearn for something more. They yearn for peace and knowledge. After being so unwell i feel a lot of people in this life take their health for granted, and take for granted what the world has given us to enjoy in return. Not only beautiful places, animals, herbs, plants, vitamins and minerals to keep us healthy and active, but beautiful people also. You just need to pick off the thorns and you'll reach a rose eventually. The past few months i've established some beautiful friendships with people i don't know how i ever lived without. I've also come to terms with the fact that some people will never change and only want to get in contact with you when they need your support, or a shoulder to cry on, or some advice. Well, frankly, i don't care anymore and i'm doing some pruning of my own. This christmas has a lot of wonders in store, but as long as i'm surrounded by my family that's all that matters. I have no plans for christmas, and no plans for New Years, but considering the vast change of energies about to occur and the lining of the stars and planets i'd like to do something big. Last new years was a write off as i began to get sick, vomited and was in bed by 10:30pm whilst the rest of my family celebrated the fireworks at Federation Square in Melbourne. Nevertheless, i would love a new years kiss to bring in 2013 and start the year of with love, passion and excitement. I have a big year ahead and with only a few weeks to christmas theres a lot of research and planning i need to do. One things for sure, a happier, healthier me is here and here to stay, for good.
Until the stars fall, peace and love for all eternity,
JP xx
PS: i love you
There is nothing more wonderful, than what it feels like to be in the presence of such beauty, wisdom and grace.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Just me, it's all i can be.
You know, so many people i know have a plan of what their lives should be like or will be like if 'such and such happens' or what they would do 'if this happened,' i just feel i shouldn't have a definitive plan right now, but take each day as it comes. I have absolutely no idea what i'm going to do next year and as much as i've racked my brain and wished more than once that i knew what i wanted to do with myself, all i know is, i want to be healthy and happy with who i am as a person and continue to cultivate the amazing friendships i have and grow in my relationship. Now i don't think that's too much to ask. The first step? My coconut detox 48hr cleanse. Mission accepted!
Until the stars fall,
JP xx
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