Do you ever think that people come in and out of your life for a reason? Every person we meet whether its short term or long term teaches us something. It could be a mistake you've made with a person, a falling out of a friendship you never thought would have any complications, a new beginning with someone you just met or a stranger who asks you the time on a street corner. These people in our lives become apart of life's little lessons. Each lesson helps us to grow and become confident in who we are and the person we want to be. We are lead into mysterious directions at times. We are torn from our safe zone and thrown into the thick of it, like a blizzard in the dessert or a duck out of water, but when we reflect back on the choices we've made, the conversations we've had and the different interpretations of events, if we take something positive out of the experience and as long as we aim to learn something from these experiences we will become stronger and more courageous for the next lesson. We learn from our mistakes so that next time we are faced with a similar experience and a choice is to be made, hopefully, we won't make the same mistake again. It isn't as easy as 'a,b,c' but take it in steps such as 1,2,3.
We all act differently depending on the company we surround ourselves with, depending how close we are to the person or if you have just met. You know the feeling when you meet someone and you feel like you already know the person. The conversation never ends. The pieces of the puzzle begin to blend in and become one giant piece of a larger puzzle that is your life and your journey. Kind of like the boat i'm paddling in now. At the moment i'm just enjoying my newfound company and learning more about the person i am. I love me, and i'm learning more and more each day about what i love and what really ticks me off. As i get older i realise its better to have less friends that you can focus on and give the time to and vice versa, instead of trying to juggle between a large number of acquaintances. These people just see you as another number, because when its your turn to need someone because of something thats happened in your life, suddenly, no one is there. Right now i'm on one of the best journeys in my life i've ever known, an eternal quest of knowing oneself. Our lives aren't mapped out in front of us we have to take chances. Im focusing on eating well and doing what makes me happy because no one wants to be around someone who sits at home full of frown and misery. I feel my emotions and i'm aware of whats going on but even then that doesn't mean you can switch them off like a light switch. I got so fed up just before tears just fell down the sides of my cheeks. We get fed up but instead of bottling up your emotions its better to let it out because you feel so much better afterwards and its like things suddenly become more clearer. Im fed up of limping and not having any decent money with bills piling up and im fed up of menstrual issues, its no wonder i need so many iron tablets. I like to see the funny side of it but it gets me down sometimes. Not to worry though, i have a trip to the naturopath tomorrow and then hopefully heading out into the countryside for the afternoon to soak up some scenery.
To those of you unable to find what it is you really want to do with your life, don't worry so much. Turn your focus inward and look inside yourselves. When you start doing things for you instead of everyone else around you, the road becomes so much clearer.
Until the stars fall
JP xx
There is nothing more wonderful, than what it feels like to be in the presence of such beauty, wisdom and grace.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
There's a bluebird in my heart
“We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.”
― Charles Bukowski
It helps to dot your 'i's' and cross your 't's' right? Or in other words, examine and reexamine. It's kind of like when you reflect on your past and how it influences your future. Nice memories appear, and emotions resurface, a little trip down memory lane. I find it hard to believe people who don't think the past influences them, even at a subconscious level it does, we can't help it. I listen to my gut feelings about past experiences. We can't put our past behind us. Look at the stars, a lot of them have been dead for thousands of years but their light is only reaching us now. The past is always influencing the present. We can't change it, but aim to understand it, like human beings aim to understand the subtleties of their existence, its okay to examine our past and see what influences it has on our future.
As i read on facebook this morning "don't get your knickers in a knot! It solves nothing and makes you sit funny".
After listening to a few Charles Bukowski poems on youtube, i decided to watch the movie 'Barfly' written by Bukowski, about a writer Henry Chinaski, "who never cared for the American dream, the thought of needing to become 'something' and fit into the system disgusts him. He believes that life is free and yours to live like you see fit, and if that in some cases involves copious amounts of whiskey then so be it." (Excerpt from IMDB).
I loved the movie. It's not very long, but after reading a few of Bukowskis novel his style of writing is exceptionally brought to life and the character of Chinaski fits snuggly into how i depicted the character. The film was made in 1987 on what looks to be low budget yet the characters are what make the movie. I felt i was taken on a journey on what it would be like to live poorly, like scum, like Chinaski. Although you are moved through the world through Chinaskis life, you don't feel sorry for him, because you realise he chooses to be their and is content with what he has. By the end of the film, his new found love, happiness and money is relished by Chinaski buying everyone a round in his favourite bar. If you are looking to see something a bit different, i would recommend it (that means you dad).
I love reading Charles Bukowski novels and of course his prose. Theirs a real ruthlessness to his writing. It's straight up without the bull shit or flowery words writers like to use. One of my favourite Bukowski quotes comes from his book Factotum.
"my ambition is handicapped by laziness" - Factotum Makes me think of my generation and even the generation before mine. We are those who want to work to have money, but don't want to put in the hard yards and do the hours to get the money. How very interesting. I think a lot of people in my generation are lazy and even money sometimes doesn't motivate them. Its hard when there are so many opportunities open to us that you almost get overwhelmed with what it is you really want to do. It's like dad always said though, you just do something, so i have been, and slowly im finding out more of what i like and don't like and what im interested in and what i really cannot stand. It's like a little game, just got to stand over all the players.
Until the stars fall,
JP
PS: im off to the museum to see what Ancient Egypt had to offer.
― Charles Bukowski
It helps to dot your 'i's' and cross your 't's' right? Or in other words, examine and reexamine. It's kind of like when you reflect on your past and how it influences your future. Nice memories appear, and emotions resurface, a little trip down memory lane. I find it hard to believe people who don't think the past influences them, even at a subconscious level it does, we can't help it. I listen to my gut feelings about past experiences. We can't put our past behind us. Look at the stars, a lot of them have been dead for thousands of years but their light is only reaching us now. The past is always influencing the present. We can't change it, but aim to understand it, like human beings aim to understand the subtleties of their existence, its okay to examine our past and see what influences it has on our future.
As i read on facebook this morning "don't get your knickers in a knot! It solves nothing and makes you sit funny".
After listening to a few Charles Bukowski poems on youtube, i decided to watch the movie 'Barfly' written by Bukowski, about a writer Henry Chinaski, "who never cared for the American dream, the thought of needing to become 'something' and fit into the system disgusts him. He believes that life is free and yours to live like you see fit, and if that in some cases involves copious amounts of whiskey then so be it." (Excerpt from IMDB).
I loved the movie. It's not very long, but after reading a few of Bukowskis novel his style of writing is exceptionally brought to life and the character of Chinaski fits snuggly into how i depicted the character. The film was made in 1987 on what looks to be low budget yet the characters are what make the movie. I felt i was taken on a journey on what it would be like to live poorly, like scum, like Chinaski. Although you are moved through the world through Chinaskis life, you don't feel sorry for him, because you realise he chooses to be their and is content with what he has. By the end of the film, his new found love, happiness and money is relished by Chinaski buying everyone a round in his favourite bar. If you are looking to see something a bit different, i would recommend it (that means you dad).
I love reading Charles Bukowski novels and of course his prose. Theirs a real ruthlessness to his writing. It's straight up without the bull shit or flowery words writers like to use. One of my favourite Bukowski quotes comes from his book Factotum.
"my ambition is handicapped by laziness" - Factotum Makes me think of my generation and even the generation before mine. We are those who want to work to have money, but don't want to put in the hard yards and do the hours to get the money. How very interesting. I think a lot of people in my generation are lazy and even money sometimes doesn't motivate them. Its hard when there are so many opportunities open to us that you almost get overwhelmed with what it is you really want to do. It's like dad always said though, you just do something, so i have been, and slowly im finding out more of what i like and don't like and what im interested in and what i really cannot stand. It's like a little game, just got to stand over all the players.
Until the stars fall,
JP
PS: im off to the museum to see what Ancient Egypt had to offer.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Only on a Tuesday
"It all sucks, why can't people just be straight up it would be so much easier," he said.
So my reply was simply "'cos people suck, well, gold coast people anyway."
Guys are ruthless hey its retarded...
You know girls can be ruthless to. What's wrong with society? I think when you are first getting to know someone, you should always have some kind of shield up, but not a ridiculous bullet proof one.
Shields are so lame, I hate them, I understand what you mean about the shields thing, it's human.
You might think shields are lame, yet you can't always help your past experiences giving you a heads up for the future. I think you need a shield to an extent to protect yourself, unless u find a decent balance between letting go of yourself, and staying focused on looking after yourself to, if that makes sense.
It's like what your saying about the shields even family's have shields up against each other ive always worn my heart on my sleeve though and even though it hurts ill keep at it cause its just the way I am. I'm not saying everyone should not have shields or they are bad, i just get frustrated that i cant find like-minded people. I wanna try and stay in that mind state you are when you first fall in love.
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve but I tell it how it is. I know that in family situations people have shields up because sometimes they get jealous of stupid trivial things about each other, or feel as though they need to prove something to their parents, themselves, or their siblings.
As you can see we are so completely different from one another, because my mum never judged us or tried to make us be something we just weren't. She treated us as individuals because we are different people, and i think thats the biggest thing i am grateful for to my mum. Its okay to wear your heart on your sleeve because you are obviously not afraid of your emotions and feeling something, like human beings are supposed to. Sometimes people are so afraid of being hurt they bottle everything up, suppress it and don't share it with anyone, which tortures them from the inside out. Im not afraid of hurting or feeling the different array of emotions we humans are subjected to. I think feeling emotions is an experience itself and that we are lucky.
I think that's what i picked up on, the individual love she has for each of you. You're never just going on, your words are beyond your years. Communication is the key to life.
Its not always easy to communicate how you feel, or why you feel a certain way about something. Aristotle saw emotion as an integral part of life.
My favourite quote from Aristotle: "anyone can be angry that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree, and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and isn't easy"
Damn straight how can you know what it's like to be human if you don't bath in your own emotions? If you're depressed, cry out loud, if you're happy jump for joy, if you're angry scream out so the universe can hear you.
So my reply was simply "'cos people suck, well, gold coast people anyway."
Guys are ruthless hey its retarded...
You know girls can be ruthless to. What's wrong with society? I think when you are first getting to know someone, you should always have some kind of shield up, but not a ridiculous bullet proof one.
Shields are so lame, I hate them, I understand what you mean about the shields thing, it's human.
You might think shields are lame, yet you can't always help your past experiences giving you a heads up for the future. I think you need a shield to an extent to protect yourself, unless u find a decent balance between letting go of yourself, and staying focused on looking after yourself to, if that makes sense.
It's like what your saying about the shields even family's have shields up against each other ive always worn my heart on my sleeve though and even though it hurts ill keep at it cause its just the way I am. I'm not saying everyone should not have shields or they are bad, i just get frustrated that i cant find like-minded people. I wanna try and stay in that mind state you are when you first fall in love.
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve but I tell it how it is. I know that in family situations people have shields up because sometimes they get jealous of stupid trivial things about each other, or feel as though they need to prove something to their parents, themselves, or their siblings.
As you can see we are so completely different from one another, because my mum never judged us or tried to make us be something we just weren't. She treated us as individuals because we are different people, and i think thats the biggest thing i am grateful for to my mum. Its okay to wear your heart on your sleeve because you are obviously not afraid of your emotions and feeling something, like human beings are supposed to. Sometimes people are so afraid of being hurt they bottle everything up, suppress it and don't share it with anyone, which tortures them from the inside out. Im not afraid of hurting or feeling the different array of emotions we humans are subjected to. I think feeling emotions is an experience itself and that we are lucky.
I think that's what i picked up on, the individual love she has for each of you. You're never just going on, your words are beyond your years. Communication is the key to life.
Its not always easy to communicate how you feel, or why you feel a certain way about something. Aristotle saw emotion as an integral part of life.
My favourite quote from Aristotle: "anyone can be angry that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree, and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and isn't easy"
Damn straight how can you know what it's like to be human if you don't bath in your own emotions? If you're depressed, cry out loud, if you're happy jump for joy, if you're angry scream out so the universe can hear you.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
When there's a will, there's a way..
The best things about this month:
healthy eating, beautiful beaches and spending time with loved ones.
Its been an interesting past few days in terms of the new job getting underway, spending time with friends and helping them out with their own problems and seeing an old friend again. Saturday afternoon i dropped by an old friends place to catch up. I hadn't seen him for quite some time and had a few things i had to apologise for that he already knew about, but after seeing him, i felt so much more at ease in my mind with my decisions and actions that led me back to being in his life again. Its hard to explain, but its like i've done a full circle. I realised that my heart was broken last year and it wasn't any mans doing. Anyway, i filled the void of it by putting my energy into something else, into someone else and realised when things needed to end the hurt and anger i bottled up from so many months before also made me a lot more angry at the person. Anyway, thats in the past and the promising thing about it all is that i now realise why i reacted to things i did. When you are faced with something that feels so beyond your capabilities to deal with, its hard to not let your emotions overtake you. Honestly, it's overwhelming, devastating, frustrating and so on. Now i am not saying the relationship i was in last year was perfect at all because it wasn't and i'm a lot happier now we aren't together, but it doesn't mean tht we can't be friends at least. We had a lot of good and happy times together. I cannot be angry no more.
In terms of the job, im a little overwhelmed by the whole idea and feel i need to just relax and get my health issues sorted before trying to throw myself into a full time position and working 6 days a week. I have a low immune system from adrenal gland insufficiency and am trying my best to boost my immunity and get better. Luckily im having an IUD (mirena) put in on Tuesday which will help me out a lot because im tired of popping a pill everyday that fucks around with your hormones.
Im feeling pretty good about the next month. I have family coming over from England for two weeks and i am getting so excited, i just cannot wait to see them. I met them when i was 14 and haven't seen them since, hence i am getting so anxious to see them again. It's going to be great. I just spent the weekend in Byron again and it was so nice being there. I love the drive down there. The scenery is so good. Last time i was there weekend of Mothers day i took a wrong turn and ended up driving the tweed valley way home, rang dad and said i had no idea where i was. I had no where to be and enjoyed the scenery listening to music and spending time in my own head. Its good to spend time by yourself, indulge in your own thoughts and personal space but ill admit, it's not always easy. Im actually thinking about going somewhere else for a few months to get away and have a casual job for a change of scenery. I can't really afford it at the moment but if i get enough cash together to just get there, it wouldn't be to hard. Byron really was so good today, i didn't want to leave. I wanted to spend another night there and have a few drinks, watch the byron sun set. Its such a beautiful place, makes for a nice getaway, and good company, well thats just a bonus.
Im thinking these vegemite corn thins for dinner were the best idea yet. Until the stars fall,
JP.
Ever think it's a chance willing to take?
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
A new day breathes new opportunites
Opportunity. It's just one of those words.
It’s like a new beginning. I don’t know
what I imagined it would be like, yet I feel content. It’s an exciting new
opportunity and I’m going to throw myself into it with all I’ve got. What do I have
to lose? I have no experience, I didn’t even know the job I was going for, yet I
went in there with an open mind ready for anything and it looks like I could do
well as long as I’m committed and give it a decent go. LIKE A BOSS!
On the other hand… I’m really looking
forward to what the next few days have to bring. I’m doing some demonstrations
and seeing a few friends of mine who are helping me out. Been looking forward
to tomorrow night for some time now, finally its nearly here. What am I, 16
again, im a little nervous actually. Apprehensive, they might also call it?
Strangers are just friends waiting to happen... right? And again, what do you have to lose. If something makes you smile well thats the first step. Like they say, it uses a lot more muscles to frown, than smile, so don't be afraid to show off them pearly whites!
Even though i'm battling through these health issues, they aren't so bad that i cant do something about it and it's a lot better than having a viral infection that keeps you pinned to the couch for two months. It's brought me a lot of frustration, anxiety and sent me downhill but its not the end of the world, and each little step i take towards fixing it, helps. Im so lucky my new boss is understanding of my situation. We are only human.
Now, to what im thinking at the moment, If only Byron wasn't so far away... its easy enough to drive there, i know this, it's not far really. I would drive there every night, i feel a kind of attachment to Byron. Its a feeling of bliss and caution. Not only from my past experiences but its like my heart wants me to be there and here at the same time. Sound confusing. It makes more sense in my head. Emotion would have to be at times one of the hardest things to explain, and to pin point exactly how you feel about something. You know when you have a whole lot of somethings affecting how you feel, yet, if you could separate those pieces into individual bits, you might make some sense out of the mess. It's a domino effect. Every bit of experience in life adds up and affects how you experience the rest of your life, because your subconscious picks up on minute details and gives your head and heart a heads up and says "hey, use caution here". We are so lucky. Instead of drifting aimlessly, we listen to our body and seek to understand and comprehend the signals.
I don't want to miss out on any opportunities, and i won't apologise for being myself. I don't aim for the spotlight, i pursue whats best for me. If i fail, ill jump up and try again. Attitude. It's all about ya darn attitude!
Peace and love
JP
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Time after time
After watching the film 'Eat pray love' for the first time, well, the first time viewing the full length version considering i attempted to watch it but fell asleep after 30minutes (no, it wasn't boring, i was just exhausted and struggled to keep my eyes open). Well, it gave me the inspiration i needed to do something for myself. Of course if i could i would book a plane ticket to Taipei and spend time with my half sister, getting to know her and the people she is surrounded by - the unique culture of Taiwan and everything it has to offer. We go through our lives on a day to day basis, wondering aimlessly simply doing what needs to be done and sometimes it feels like you are stuck in a rut. We get to that point where we wonder where our life is taking us, what path we are currently travelling on and all of these thoughts consume our mind, it's like trying to figure out a turtle puzzle but instead of a normal picture, its in 3D (yes, i've completed a 3D turtle puzzle and it was difficult!) Everyone has had that feeling of 'been there, done that', what is that acronym.. of course i remember it's "S.S.D.D"(same shit different day) for those living in a cave. Now, feling like you're 'stuck in a rut' isn't exactly a negative feeling, but it sure as hell feels quite the ordinary. It's just one of those things you mull over for a few days or weeks and them bam! Something hits you like a train wreck and you are back on your feet not even thinking about those days of contemplative numbness. It's like a dull grey wall.
Can i get a twirt twirt bounce bounce clap clap? -- that song is completely stuck in my head, but i don't mind cos' it reminds me of a happy time with a friend of mine. I just spent some time in Byron bay chilling out with a friend and spending time relaxing. It's hard to relax sometimes and close off your mind to the madness churning within. He helps me do this though. We just spent the night watching a movie and fell asleep earliesh.. about ten, and i just snuggled into him. When i woke up in the morning we had pancakes with the best mango sorbet and he went off to do his own thing and so did i. I decided to head to the beach as i needed to rest my mind and enjoy the serenity of some alone time. I walked along the beach and watched the waves crash down along the shore line and the happy families spending time with one another, kids are so funny. Can't help but love them. I wanted to walk up to the lighthouse but stupidly forgot my ventolin and half way up there needed to rest my chest, so called dad for a bit of a chat. After that i decided to go for a drive to Brunswick Heads and Ocean Shores and found another perfect beach to adventure upon. It was so beautiful. When i finally was en route to the Gold Coast i missed the turn off for the highway and ended up taking the Tweed Valley scenic route...thought i must have been heading in the wrong direction when i wasn't on a highway for 20 minutes. Rang dad and told him i had no idea where i was but the scenery was nice. I chucked on Frou Frou and cruised along, taking photos whilst driving and sifting through the thoughts that sprung in and out of my mind. I definitely needed a day to myself. It felt so peaceful not to be in any rush anywhere, not to have to answer to anyone and just enjoy the surroundings.
I really miss him at the moment. I'm missing his company and the way he just makes me smile. He helped me realise that its okay to be happy with the way i am, and to not apologise for being myself. It's like they say, people either love you or hate or try to be you, and if they don't like it, they weren't worth it in the first place. It's interesting because i was seeing someone for a few weeks that i met on a night out with some friends. Things were going well and everything was okay but it just fizzled out. Things don't always work out and i wasn't ready for a relationship. He said he'd call me because he felt bad about a few things and wished to explain and im still waiting on that phone call. To be honest, i don't want to hear from him. I don't want to be apart of any games. No one likes being lied to or made a fool of.
On the positive side, well there was no negative side. I have a great new friend, the greatest old friends, my car is getting fixed, i have a new job (which i start tomorrow) as a sales rep. and theres nothing wrong with the bones in my hip! Only thing is im seeing a specialist friday for some other issues but things are looking up. I did see an old boyfriend the other day for only about ten minutes, but it felt good not to feel anger and hurt when seeing him, but rather just seeing him as a friend. When we ended it, it was hard on me and im sure it was hard on him to. I loved him yet felt so much hurt and anger its taken me all this time to actually want to see him. We shared a lot of good times and i miss his mum to. Shes a champion.
I guess we take each day as it comes and face challenges in life head on. I've taken a few chances, some good and some bad but the experiences are what teaches us along the way and guide us through. I could really do with a snuggle right now, missing him..
until the stars fall..
JP xxx
Can i get a twirt twirt bounce bounce clap clap? -- that song is completely stuck in my head, but i don't mind cos' it reminds me of a happy time with a friend of mine. I just spent some time in Byron bay chilling out with a friend and spending time relaxing. It's hard to relax sometimes and close off your mind to the madness churning within. He helps me do this though. We just spent the night watching a movie and fell asleep earliesh.. about ten, and i just snuggled into him. When i woke up in the morning we had pancakes with the best mango sorbet and he went off to do his own thing and so did i. I decided to head to the beach as i needed to rest my mind and enjoy the serenity of some alone time. I walked along the beach and watched the waves crash down along the shore line and the happy families spending time with one another, kids are so funny. Can't help but love them. I wanted to walk up to the lighthouse but stupidly forgot my ventolin and half way up there needed to rest my chest, so called dad for a bit of a chat. After that i decided to go for a drive to Brunswick Heads and Ocean Shores and found another perfect beach to adventure upon. It was so beautiful. When i finally was en route to the Gold Coast i missed the turn off for the highway and ended up taking the Tweed Valley scenic route...thought i must have been heading in the wrong direction when i wasn't on a highway for 20 minutes. Rang dad and told him i had no idea where i was but the scenery was nice. I chucked on Frou Frou and cruised along, taking photos whilst driving and sifting through the thoughts that sprung in and out of my mind. I definitely needed a day to myself. It felt so peaceful not to be in any rush anywhere, not to have to answer to anyone and just enjoy the surroundings.
I really miss him at the moment. I'm missing his company and the way he just makes me smile. He helped me realise that its okay to be happy with the way i am, and to not apologise for being myself. It's like they say, people either love you or hate or try to be you, and if they don't like it, they weren't worth it in the first place. It's interesting because i was seeing someone for a few weeks that i met on a night out with some friends. Things were going well and everything was okay but it just fizzled out. Things don't always work out and i wasn't ready for a relationship. He said he'd call me because he felt bad about a few things and wished to explain and im still waiting on that phone call. To be honest, i don't want to hear from him. I don't want to be apart of any games. No one likes being lied to or made a fool of.
On the positive side, well there was no negative side. I have a great new friend, the greatest old friends, my car is getting fixed, i have a new job (which i start tomorrow) as a sales rep. and theres nothing wrong with the bones in my hip! Only thing is im seeing a specialist friday for some other issues but things are looking up. I did see an old boyfriend the other day for only about ten minutes, but it felt good not to feel anger and hurt when seeing him, but rather just seeing him as a friend. When we ended it, it was hard on me and im sure it was hard on him to. I loved him yet felt so much hurt and anger its taken me all this time to actually want to see him. We shared a lot of good times and i miss his mum to. Shes a champion.
I guess we take each day as it comes and face challenges in life head on. I've taken a few chances, some good and some bad but the experiences are what teaches us along the way and guide us through. I could really do with a snuggle right now, missing him..
until the stars fall..
JP xxx
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Shh, listen.
Something to ponder...
Dear heart,
This is a message for you, and for all hearts. I carry my heart with me, wherever i go, my hopes and dreams to where shall we go?
Out in the morning amongst the crisp fresh air, does hope spring eternal, precious and rare?
For today is a day of such beauty in sadness,
the pain bringing emotions of convoluted madness.
Within the soul breathes fire and light, for fight, the moons brightness shone through the dark of night.
A life laid out, amidst a warm blue day, bravery it took, words hard to say.
My heart i embrace, and yours all the more, for a hearts a precious spirit and hope does endure,
Protected by strength, a hidden musical score, the condemnation is gone, the battle already won.
The moon says goodnight, the stars fade from sight, the new flowers bloom, the sun so bright.
A new beginning.
JP
How interesting the way life takes its course. Anxiety attacks, stress, health problems, and what else? Well, one things for sure, i feel good all over. funny that? I almost feel inside out. Yet, the past week has taught me so much about what i want in life and how to achieve it. One person can make such a difference to your life. It all comes back to you though. I'm literally broke, but not broken. I have my family and friends to help me get through. Some of my old health problems have popped their ugly heads back to the surface. I don't have the cash flow at the moment to amend them, a simple pill won't help but i've been advised yet again for surgery. I suppose when you try to forget about something without fixing the source of the problem, it really can pop its head up when you least expect it! Kind of like emotions in themselves and life itself. hmph! I did breakdown this afternoon from feeling so fed up from it all. Instead of holding in the emotions and letting them build up, you gotta open the valve and just let it flood out. I felt a lot better afterwards, chatting to my dad on skype, speaking to a few friends via text and hearing from my brother in melbourne, well that always helps. I know why i'm upset, its just hard to explain sometimes. I believe, or at least i strive to be emotionally aware of myself and know with consistency and determination i can beat the anxiety, but a little help from my friend St John Wort won't matter. At least i know it works;-)
Lastly, a note on LoVe. Fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely. For love is a feeling unlike any other. The bond of love endures strengths and strains, each of which nourishes that feeling of harmony and unity with another. That feeling you feel when you want to keep feeling it is happiness at it's best. Theres a kind of strength and beauty in sadness, courage in pain and bravery in fearful circumstances. Although heartache brings feelings to the surface of unjust and anger, it shows us that we are human, and capable of experiencing an array of emotions that appreciate others that makes us feel alive. What it truly means to be alive. Im crazy and what are you then? Learn to resonate in the sounds of silence. You might learn something...
What is life worth to you? You can't be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Perhaps chilling out on the beach and soaking up the warmth of the sunlight is the first step to a natural vitamin boost i needed. And a cuddle good night. Never goes astray..
Until the stars fall,
JP xxx
Dear heart,
This is a message for you, and for all hearts. I carry my heart with me, wherever i go, my hopes and dreams to where shall we go?
Out in the morning amongst the crisp fresh air, does hope spring eternal, precious and rare?
For today is a day of such beauty in sadness,
the pain bringing emotions of convoluted madness.
Within the soul breathes fire and light, for fight, the moons brightness shone through the dark of night.
A life laid out, amidst a warm blue day, bravery it took, words hard to say.
My heart i embrace, and yours all the more, for a hearts a precious spirit and hope does endure,
Protected by strength, a hidden musical score, the condemnation is gone, the battle already won.
The moon says goodnight, the stars fade from sight, the new flowers bloom, the sun so bright.
A new beginning.
JP
How interesting the way life takes its course. Anxiety attacks, stress, health problems, and what else? Well, one things for sure, i feel good all over. funny that? I almost feel inside out. Yet, the past week has taught me so much about what i want in life and how to achieve it. One person can make such a difference to your life. It all comes back to you though. I'm literally broke, but not broken. I have my family and friends to help me get through. Some of my old health problems have popped their ugly heads back to the surface. I don't have the cash flow at the moment to amend them, a simple pill won't help but i've been advised yet again for surgery. I suppose when you try to forget about something without fixing the source of the problem, it really can pop its head up when you least expect it! Kind of like emotions in themselves and life itself. hmph! I did breakdown this afternoon from feeling so fed up from it all. Instead of holding in the emotions and letting them build up, you gotta open the valve and just let it flood out. I felt a lot better afterwards, chatting to my dad on skype, speaking to a few friends via text and hearing from my brother in melbourne, well that always helps. I know why i'm upset, its just hard to explain sometimes. I believe, or at least i strive to be emotionally aware of myself and know with consistency and determination i can beat the anxiety, but a little help from my friend St John Wort won't matter. At least i know it works;-)
Lastly, a note on LoVe. Fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely. For love is a feeling unlike any other. The bond of love endures strengths and strains, each of which nourishes that feeling of harmony and unity with another. That feeling you feel when you want to keep feeling it is happiness at it's best. Theres a kind of strength and beauty in sadness, courage in pain and bravery in fearful circumstances. Although heartache brings feelings to the surface of unjust and anger, it shows us that we are human, and capable of experiencing an array of emotions that appreciate others that makes us feel alive. What it truly means to be alive. Im crazy and what are you then? Learn to resonate in the sounds of silence. You might learn something...
What is life worth to you? You can't be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Perhaps chilling out on the beach and soaking up the warmth of the sunlight is the first step to a natural vitamin boost i needed. And a cuddle good night. Never goes astray..
Until the stars fall,
JP xxx
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Written in stone
or perhaps, written by key...thought for today: Can i sail through the changing ocean tides?
Its like a new emotion, tingling, contradictory to the norm. The change of season is upon us. My life has been built upon the decisions i've made and the actions i've pursued. I have a few things on my mind at the moment. Im researching into some companies i'd like to apply for work experience or internships and trying to decide the best avenue to take myself. Easier said than done. Im pretty broke so i'm a little stressed about money but money isn't everything, and there are cheap alternatives to having a good time, it all depends on the company you surround yourself with. Company is key and lately, myself is the best company because im pretty moody. I blame hormones... ha! Well thats the next thing to get sorted. Healthy body, healthy mind, healthy heart = a healthy soul and a peaceful Jodie... :-) (who won't snap at you asking me if i want a tea or coffee)
Its like a new emotion, tingling, contradictory to the norm. The change of season is upon us. My life has been built upon the decisions i've made and the actions i've pursued. I have a few things on my mind at the moment. Im researching into some companies i'd like to apply for work experience or internships and trying to decide the best avenue to take myself. Easier said than done. Im pretty broke so i'm a little stressed about money but money isn't everything, and there are cheap alternatives to having a good time, it all depends on the company you surround yourself with. Company is key and lately, myself is the best company because im pretty moody. I blame hormones... ha! Well thats the next thing to get sorted. Healthy body, healthy mind, healthy heart = a healthy soul and a peaceful Jodie... :-) (who won't snap at you asking me if i want a tea or coffee)
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