You want to make a change? Lets talk.

I wish i had the answers. 

NOW lets talk more 

                            SpEcIfIc...



I know it's a bit ridiculous worrying about the things you cannot change and stressing about a situation you have no control of, yet, we are human, and sometimes these things get the better of us. I'll admit it, it's a tough and challenging time at the moment and as much as i tell myself to take each day as it comes, focus on the now etc etc, i find myself realising, it's time that heals any unsettled emotions and unhealed wounds. It's time that we give ourselves time to allow the healing process to begin, and to allow the situation to run its course and work itself out. "Jodie, you look like a duck in a desert!" Said one of the head dolphin trainers as i floated aimlessly out to the centre of the pool one day. I was waiting to continue filming a dolphin program and "get on with the job" as they say. I find the cycle beginning again: i'm a duck waddling around a flat plane desert trying to find my little miracle of a pond.  

Tomorrow is the start of a new adventure at my new job. I have more challenges to face and overcome, more responsibilities to accept and take in my stride and of course, new personal bests to achieve. I'm looking forward to a change of scenery and a new team to work with. Although i feel a little nervous and anxious about tomorrow, i know i'll be fine as soon as i get there. I just need to get to work and get stuck into it and focus on the task at hand. Thats the great thing about work. I much rather have to get up and get to work so i have a reason to get up for the day and something to focus on. It's hard work and i'm constantly on the go but right now its the perfect environment for me to be in. Otherwise, ill find myself in a vicious cycle jumping from one thing to the next, and spending money i don't have to give myself 5 minutes of pleasure and satisfaction until again the reality hits me and i realise i'm just spending money because it makes me feel good. It fills the void of missing him dearly. I am struggling with this at the moment and i am trying to be supportive, i know this is just 'how it is.' I guess i worry too much about the future of when we see each other and the limited time we have together, instead of being positive about it all and looking forward to just every minute we spend together, ive been focusing on the fact he isnt with me, and the fact he will leave again (completely unproductive). Although i am a little unhappy about this part of my life: i just never thought id find myself in this kind of relationship, i do know that i love him very much, and for now it is a compromise.

My heart has chosen you because you are the one that makes me feel nothing i have ever felt before. A complete and utter bliss i have been missing for a long time. You have filled a void within my heart that cannot be replaced.

It's every girls dream to grow up and find their true prince charming and live in a castle. I find myself at 23 years of age living at home with my mother. Although she is great, and so amazingly supportive of me and tolerant of my moods, i would love more than anything to go out and have a place of my own, and fill it up with my stuff and have a place for me and my man to just be (you and me) you know? It is what i'm supposed to be doing. I'd love even to move in with a friend also. It does make it harder i have a dog but there is no way i would leave her behind. It's all about living at the moment, and it's too expensive to live on my own so until the day comes, we trust in each other, ill be with my mum.

It is what it is. I just don't think its healthy to compare what happened in past relationships to a current relationship and let that be a decider. Past experiences teach us about ourselves and other people and also allow us to not repeat the same mistakes and do things a little wiser. But as the saying goes, we grow a little wiser as we go and i do believe your mindset from 21 to 25 completely changes and grows. Why? Because you experience life.

As Bukowski says, "peace of heart and mind arrive when you accept what is, being born into this strange world and having some satisfaction in leaving it all behind. "

Until my fingers find themselves typing away my thoughts onto this blank page again, JP xx