It's like that feeling of bliss you have, as you sit cross legged in front of an open fire place, with only the sound of the crackle of the wood burning and whispering only slightly in your ears as you sip a warm english breakfast tea. It's a cold evening. The warmth of the heat the fire exudes toward your body envelopes you like an invisible blanket, snuggling you up and wrapping you up from the inside out. Your eyes twinkle as you stare into the orange lit fire bursting each flame higher as the crackles spark a movement upwards and heat emits towards your palms turned upward and a smile is drawn across your face, ear to ear as they say. A smile that brings comfort from deep inside your soul. A comfort you crave. If only this feeling lasted a lifetime. It's something special, rare and pure. It brings to light the meaning of life itself, to not search for happiness, or convince yourself to be a certain someone or live a certain way, but to enjoy the moment for what it is there and then, because these little moments string together and form the big moments in our lives, the ones we remember, the memories we share and the wisdom to help us on our journey forward through this big, magical world. A journey that is so unique to everyone elses but all in all the same, because we are all in this together, and each trial and tribulation or emotional upheaveal we face, we get through it, and everything is always okay.
I believe that i will make a change for myself, and each step i've taken will only lead to bigger and greater things. It's nice to have a message that says "i believe in you". When others see you for who you are, and know what you are capable of, those little messages of endearment and encouragement mean so much more than just "i believe in you", it means "i can see you for who you are and all the mighty things you are bound for in this world, so look at yourself and believe them too because i believe in you, and you should believe in you too." But as we know, it is not always easy to build yourself up when you feel broken. And a little support goes along way.
MY LIFE AS I KNOW IT.
I've had my heart broken and i've given up when i thought all was lost.
I've had no will, when there was always a way to make things better.
I've let people get the better of me and take me for granted, and then not given enough.
I've given all of myself to someone in one instance, and then not given enough to another.
I've broken a heart, (or two)
I've listened when i shouldn't have, and i went ahead without thinking.
Then i listened too much, (and felt my ship was sinking)
I didn't believe, and lost hope.
I had too much hope and lost belief.
I learnt to trust and gave my heart and soul.
The trust was broken when love was not enough.
I wore sunscreen and took the stairs not the elevator.
I drank water and wine by the bottle!
I lost a friend and gained another.
Twas my footprints kissing the sand one way or another.
To the north and to the south, i travelled east and west.
I found apart of me, deep in my soul im free, however to where is the rest of me? (With these feet in my shoes we'll see).
I'll let you in on a little secret, i'm not the most perfect girl. But imperfect is most perfect in an ever changing world.
Now the action steps up a gear as we have graduated to a whole new level. From last August to now, a lot has changed and my frustrations are piling up. Everyday things are getting better, and i'm getting better, but the distance is hard, the limited time sucks. The jobs frustrating (yet all workplaces are) and there's only two ways it can go. To see the positivity in all and bring to life the old. To stretch and sweat and eat my broccoli and get in touch with the world. I deserve to feel valued and respected and appreciated for me (we all do) not a nuisance and frustration, thats not where i want to be. If only people were a little less self centred, and more sensitive to others. Show the people you care about how they make you feel, because words are nothing more than words on a page if actions don't follow as well. I yearn to laugh uncontrollably, be cheeky, fun and spontaneous. To kiss ever so passionately and be held so tight you just don't want to let go. To feel that feeling of bursting happiness, like a flame is alive inside of you. To feel like i'm a priority and not that you ring me or text me because you have to, but because you want to. I mean no matter who it is, family, friends, your lovers, just value the people in your life and show them they are important. Make them feel number one and apart of you and like you are proud to have them in your life. Not separate it, and do things on your own accord. Just be together. Things in your life aren't always going to be good. I know this, but i don't want to settle. I almost want to study again so i can be in a classroom and have an intelligent conversation about anything, i yearn for just a good, bloody conversation. A walk on the beach in the moonlight. A cup of baskins choc chip cookie dough ice cream listening to the world.
Our lives can be electric if we wish it. And this is a revolution.
Until the stars fall, JP xx
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