In light of recent events, i've been smiling a heck of alot more in the past 24hours than in the last two weeks. I guess I have a clear understanding, a sense of clarity about recent events. In preparation for the halloween party Saturday night i tossed and turned over ideas, figuring out how to exactly dress up my already 'bare essentials' of a costume to make it look stunning, confident and strong. The queen of hearts is bold, daring and crude and I couldn't wait to start and finish my costume. Two nights ago I spent the evening preparing the bodice. Pleased with my efforts i finished the bottom half last night, took some photos and sent them to a few friends for suggestions. It will be a great night and i've been looking forward to it since the invite... Last year, i was too sick to attend so this year? Let loose and have some fun. Rum and cowboy shots anyone?
My 'old' yet 'new' but 'great' friend has left on the journey of a lifetime embarking on an overseas voyage of sorts by himself around Europe. I'll definitely miss him while he is away and look forward to hearing about all the amazing adventures he will have gotten up to. When in Europe there is so much room for activities. I'm following his travellers blog: A journal of everything he is experiencing and doing. It's a great idea to document your travels as you experience them, then you don't miss the small idiosyncrasies of the journey that made the adventure so great. Apparently there are so many Malaysian people in Malaysia?! Work will definitely be interesting, already its had its fair share of ups, downs but (fingers crossed) it will run smoothly. Knowing my friend has travelled on his own, i couldn't help but wonder what i would be like in that situation. You know...I think it takes courage to leave yourself vulnerable and open to a new place and culture. Whether your visiting or settling in for a year, it's a culture shock. In terms of Europe, we may look the same but each country holds it's own values. They have a belief system that was set up and has been in place long before our time. There's also a stigma attached to every country about what the people will be like, no matter which way you look at it. One day i hope to be as courageous and have the freedom, and guts to travel on my own.
I've applied for a food and beverage position at the casino over Christmas. The usual applied, gold coasters needing extra money, then there were the working visa students and those travel hopping- seeing the world and hearing everyones stories whilst they work. They get to experience life in a different country from their own point of view and take home a different view of that society. When working at a casino staff aren't allowed to gamble. So after the info session about the Job, two of us went straight to the pokies! We lost, go figure, but it was fun getting to know each other. Yesterday the ATM machine ate my card cos apparently I didn't take it quick enough. So frustrating!! I guess I should ring the bank about it but not having a card I'll spend less money. I am saving for a house... Anyway, so really I didn't lose anything on the machines but made a new friend.
Iim in a good place at the moment and each day i'm growing more an more not only as an individual person but in the workplace in general. It's interesting to note the drama thats attached to work. When your work life becomes your social life, somethings gone wrong. Perhaps people get a kick out of the drama they create and spin off. What do i need to do? Stop listening, don't let it affect me and simply shrug it off. Will they be at my wedding? No, so why should i bother caring about what they say. It's worse than high school. You know those silly little rumours that used to escalate in high school, well imagine that times ten! It's a whirlwind how much things are taken out of context. When i started at my current workplace i was astounded as to what people actually said about other staff members. There were a myriad of different situations, circumstances, stories and the such that were taken out of proportion about ex amount of people; stories gradually developed between different people into something like 'then he was eaten by a dragon.' The truth? Why do we feel the need to get caught up in all the messiness of our work life? Works work so lets leave it at that.
Uni done. Catching up with old friends, the best! Now? Enroll in my subjects for uni but most importantly enjoy the halloween party tomorrow night!!
There is nothing more wonderful, than what it feels like to be in the presence of such beauty, wisdom and grace.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Help me Rhonda!
I was never going to enjoy the show without you, instead i created another venue. Bright lights, a cool breeze, stunning views of the Gold Coast and a timber decking, great company a cute, old couple and The Beach Boys. I wished i was a child in the era of The Beach Boys. Wait, i wish i was a young Adult, 21, in the era of The Beach Boys. It's the kind of music you let your guard down, even at lunch time on a Sunday afternoon in front of your friends and a few dolphins. I think the dolphins think we're a strange species anyway, so dancing around shaking our tail feathers, well, they are used to that kind of thing. Today was a great day. Cupcakes, dorritos, music, quiet day at work, gorgeous weather, you know, i don't know how i could have felt better if i had the day off. Positivity surrounded everyone, we did the work, swore a little and the usual, were extremely cheeky to one another. Hey 'party Sunday' was literally 'fun-day' today and wouldn't it be nice if every day was like this? I hope everyone had a ball at the GC600 and enjoy 600 sounds. Tonight won't be as good as last night because everyone loves the music of the oldies over modern music, (well i do!) Yet i hope everyone has a blast. The weather is perfect and the energy of the day seems to have swept through a few people. I wish i could stay a sweet, innocent kid forever and create a world where everything goes according to plan. Hopeless dreamers, hopeless types as Birds Of Tokyo would say, but at least im not stupid enough to kiss the sun at night. (Seriously, what is that lyric...)!!
There was quite a bit of talk about relationships today, in every kind of form they come. I work at a place where rumors escalate like wildfire through a bushland and it's crazy, ruthless and insensitive. People are always afraid to ask for the real answers to. I've been apart of rumors as have many other people i know. Sometimes you can laugh about it, it's funny. Other times it delves too deep into peoples personal lives and it's not fair. It's not fair the way people assume things about others and create a wedge between two people than for no reason other than their own personal satisfaction. I just want everyone to be happy, grow up, settle down, move on and so on. I work in that kind of place where you can't escape things. They always give you that sideways glance or wink or say something insensitive to make you feel uncomfortable.
Before you judge other people, look at yourself. Have you done what they did? Have you said something you weren't supposed to and made the same mistakes they did? Probably. Don't be a fake you, or pretend to be a good person. Be you. Join the honest party, don't cut corners and try square dancing... hey, you might like it. Surprise yourself and stop being afraid to be honest. You might give that person a sideways glance but what if they are just like you? Deep dark circles and you tried everything? No you didn't, you just pretended you did. Stop pretending.
There was quite a bit of talk about relationships today, in every kind of form they come. I work at a place where rumors escalate like wildfire through a bushland and it's crazy, ruthless and insensitive. People are always afraid to ask for the real answers to. I've been apart of rumors as have many other people i know. Sometimes you can laugh about it, it's funny. Other times it delves too deep into peoples personal lives and it's not fair. It's not fair the way people assume things about others and create a wedge between two people than for no reason other than their own personal satisfaction. I just want everyone to be happy, grow up, settle down, move on and so on. I work in that kind of place where you can't escape things. They always give you that sideways glance or wink or say something insensitive to make you feel uncomfortable.
Before you judge other people, look at yourself. Have you done what they did? Have you said something you weren't supposed to and made the same mistakes they did? Probably. Don't be a fake you, or pretend to be a good person. Be you. Join the honest party, don't cut corners and try square dancing... hey, you might like it. Surprise yourself and stop being afraid to be honest. You might give that person a sideways glance but what if they are just like you? Deep dark circles and you tried everything? No you didn't, you just pretended you did. Stop pretending.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Somethings gotta Give
The dark days are over, and the sun begins to shine.
When it rains, it pours. The past month it's rained more than i ever thought it would. I feel so lucky to have the sunshine we are having lately. As the rain pelted down on our roof, somehow a calming effect surrounded me. It's soft and warm like a babys blanket. Anytime the sun shines a sense of calm overwhelms me also. It surrounds my body like a security blanket, a warm hot chocolate milk drink and a kiss from your lover. Today, i here return that kiss you stole. A fleeting memory. In your arms i was held, your heart beating against my chest...butterflies surged through my stomach. Almost like an acquisitive mind, a rainbow of colours, a whirlwind of freedom was you unto me. This kind of feeling only lasts a few moments, because like a baby outgrows its little blanket, the rain stops, or the sun is shadowed by the clouds, eventually leaving behind a world he or she will not miss. Will i be just a memory like everyone else? Of course. I had high hopes for the year, what a long eventful journey it has been. I feel emotionally worn out; ship wrecked. I'm always that girl stuck in a picture frame. The girl who has that dream, yet doesn't have the confidence to achieve it. My hormones have been a roller coaster ride, my stomach hurts, i feel sick, dizzy and tired. My muscles are always aching yet i try and show people i'm fit and well. Put on a brave face and show them i'm okay. Lately i've felt anxious especially after my hospital trip last week, my chest feels tight and i really want to sleep. I went for a drive last night and saw more than a few poles i wanted to crash into. I thought, if i ended up in hospital i wouldn't have to feel this way. I started feeling 'better', more 'normal'. They say if you want to be a writer, just write. If you want to act, act. If you want to surf, surf. If you want to take your clothes off and run around a football stadium, then do it. Who's to stop you, but yourself? And perhaps the law, in terms of the football streaker. We are the ones who stop ourselves from achieving everything we dream of. I want to write a story, will it be good? Will people read it, want to buy it and be interested? I write poetry to express how i feel. I've created characters i could pull for a story. Writing makes sense to me, as does yoga. I'm expressive yet afraid. Loving and confused. I aim to learn more about myself, my mind and my emotions. Character building and emotional understanding means alot me and i aim to know why i think the way i do. What exactly makes me tick, why i think a certain way about someone, what inbuilt system (in our consciousness) tells us about people. Reasons.
I almost feel like i'm marginalised; a snapshot of society conflicted through my words. It feels like a sentence where nouns and adjectives, commas and even capital letters are superfluous. Life is not superfluous, but things in life tend to be, or so we think. Wouldn't parts of our lives be so much easier to handle if we just knew what was going to happen say.. 3 months later? You wouldn't get yourself into the mess you did, you would drink more water and the such, so not to get a UTI and you wouldn't get into the car knowing that at 4:30 in the morning, you're too tired to stay awake, fall asleep and crash into a street light. Our lives mean freedom of choice. We can't predict the way our lives turn out, but it's important to remember that each decision we make affects the rest of our lives and those around us. Suicide stops the hurting from the person who commits it, but it just passes the pain onto everyone else around them. It takes guts to end your own life, but it's gutless to leave so much pain for your family and friends. Suicide happens all around us and everyone can admit they've thought about it more than once. I know i have... but then i think about all the people who it would affect in my life, my friends, family, and future nieces and nephews who would never get to know the real me. I wouldn't be able to see everyone i care about grow up and fulfill their potential.
There's always a reason people act the way they do, from childhood and beyond the years. They say life is easy but the 'growing up' in life is difficult. We live the way we want to and our actions ALWAYS have consequences; sometimes good or bad. Either or, when your horse is off and racing it doesn't stop until it cruises past the finish line, yet a sudden hurdle can stop it in it's tracks. It jolts, and you fly out of the seat butt first onto the mud - definitely a scene felt from most peoples lives. Everything's looking up, you're happy and you feel confident again. Then, one text message, phone call, or anything else brings your world crashing down around you (or so it seems). As we go through life we put up walls; walls made of paper, sticks, stones, bricks and concrete. They are different sizes, thickness, shades and colours and certain people break through these walls revealing the inner being which is you. It's ruthless and exciting, nerve-racking and energising all at once. Depending on who we let through and who made it to the finish lines of ourselves, depends on our reaction when they leave. People always leave. What hurts the most? The great memories? Family members and your loved ones or your friends? Each scenario is different and unique to the next, yet relevant. Which hurts the most? Maybe there isn't an answer. It depends on how much that person grew on you and how close to you they become. Some friends can't leave, they know too much! And others, you might have hurt them, or they hurt you and the healing process takes time.
The past two weeks have been really important for me. I've made new friends and re established friendships with old ones. Due to everything with the predicament, the most important thing i need to do is focus on myself, (as i've said before). I'm heading back to Bond University next year to begin my Bachelor of Arts degree with a double major in Film and Television (this way i obtain credit for everything else i've studied). Im focussing on Yoga once a week, swimming twice a week and riding my bike to and from work everyday (unless it's raining). Today was my first ride and since my asthma attack i was pretty apprehensive about it. I'm proud of myself today, i only stopped once on the way home to take some more ventolin. I have a pounding headache, am exhausted but utterly stoked with myself! The last few months of this year are going to be great. It's that thing called attitude and with exercise releasing positive endorphins, hopefully my attitude will stay positive. All i wanted to do was see Mondo Rock, Baby Animals and the Beach Boys tonight but couldn't get a ticket. So i think the coolest thing to do right now, is drive up there, take a jacket and an old friend and listen to them out the front. Yeah, i think that's cool!
When it rains, it pours. The past month it's rained more than i ever thought it would. I feel so lucky to have the sunshine we are having lately. As the rain pelted down on our roof, somehow a calming effect surrounded me. It's soft and warm like a babys blanket. Anytime the sun shines a sense of calm overwhelms me also. It surrounds my body like a security blanket, a warm hot chocolate milk drink and a kiss from your lover. Today, i here return that kiss you stole. A fleeting memory. In your arms i was held, your heart beating against my chest...butterflies surged through my stomach. Almost like an acquisitive mind, a rainbow of colours, a whirlwind of freedom was you unto me. This kind of feeling only lasts a few moments, because like a baby outgrows its little blanket, the rain stops, or the sun is shadowed by the clouds, eventually leaving behind a world he or she will not miss. Will i be just a memory like everyone else? Of course. I had high hopes for the year, what a long eventful journey it has been. I feel emotionally worn out; ship wrecked. I'm always that girl stuck in a picture frame. The girl who has that dream, yet doesn't have the confidence to achieve it. My hormones have been a roller coaster ride, my stomach hurts, i feel sick, dizzy and tired. My muscles are always aching yet i try and show people i'm fit and well. Put on a brave face and show them i'm okay. Lately i've felt anxious especially after my hospital trip last week, my chest feels tight and i really want to sleep. I went for a drive last night and saw more than a few poles i wanted to crash into. I thought, if i ended up in hospital i wouldn't have to feel this way. I started feeling 'better', more 'normal'. They say if you want to be a writer, just write. If you want to act, act. If you want to surf, surf. If you want to take your clothes off and run around a football stadium, then do it. Who's to stop you, but yourself? And perhaps the law, in terms of the football streaker. We are the ones who stop ourselves from achieving everything we dream of. I want to write a story, will it be good? Will people read it, want to buy it and be interested? I write poetry to express how i feel. I've created characters i could pull for a story. Writing makes sense to me, as does yoga. I'm expressive yet afraid. Loving and confused. I aim to learn more about myself, my mind and my emotions. Character building and emotional understanding means alot me and i aim to know why i think the way i do. What exactly makes me tick, why i think a certain way about someone, what inbuilt system (in our consciousness) tells us about people. Reasons.
I almost feel like i'm marginalised; a snapshot of society conflicted through my words. It feels like a sentence where nouns and adjectives, commas and even capital letters are superfluous. Life is not superfluous, but things in life tend to be, or so we think. Wouldn't parts of our lives be so much easier to handle if we just knew what was going to happen say.. 3 months later? You wouldn't get yourself into the mess you did, you would drink more water and the such, so not to get a UTI and you wouldn't get into the car knowing that at 4:30 in the morning, you're too tired to stay awake, fall asleep and crash into a street light. Our lives mean freedom of choice. We can't predict the way our lives turn out, but it's important to remember that each decision we make affects the rest of our lives and those around us. Suicide stops the hurting from the person who commits it, but it just passes the pain onto everyone else around them. It takes guts to end your own life, but it's gutless to leave so much pain for your family and friends. Suicide happens all around us and everyone can admit they've thought about it more than once. I know i have... but then i think about all the people who it would affect in my life, my friends, family, and future nieces and nephews who would never get to know the real me. I wouldn't be able to see everyone i care about grow up and fulfill their potential.
There's always a reason people act the way they do, from childhood and beyond the years. They say life is easy but the 'growing up' in life is difficult. We live the way we want to and our actions ALWAYS have consequences; sometimes good or bad. Either or, when your horse is off and racing it doesn't stop until it cruises past the finish line, yet a sudden hurdle can stop it in it's tracks. It jolts, and you fly out of the seat butt first onto the mud - definitely a scene felt from most peoples lives. Everything's looking up, you're happy and you feel confident again. Then, one text message, phone call, or anything else brings your world crashing down around you (or so it seems). As we go through life we put up walls; walls made of paper, sticks, stones, bricks and concrete. They are different sizes, thickness, shades and colours and certain people break through these walls revealing the inner being which is you. It's ruthless and exciting, nerve-racking and energising all at once. Depending on who we let through and who made it to the finish lines of ourselves, depends on our reaction when they leave. People always leave. What hurts the most? The great memories? Family members and your loved ones or your friends? Each scenario is different and unique to the next, yet relevant. Which hurts the most? Maybe there isn't an answer. It depends on how much that person grew on you and how close to you they become. Some friends can't leave, they know too much! And others, you might have hurt them, or they hurt you and the healing process takes time.
The past two weeks have been really important for me. I've made new friends and re established friendships with old ones. Due to everything with the predicament, the most important thing i need to do is focus on myself, (as i've said before). I'm heading back to Bond University next year to begin my Bachelor of Arts degree with a double major in Film and Television (this way i obtain credit for everything else i've studied). Im focussing on Yoga once a week, swimming twice a week and riding my bike to and from work everyday (unless it's raining). Today was my first ride and since my asthma attack i was pretty apprehensive about it. I'm proud of myself today, i only stopped once on the way home to take some more ventolin. I have a pounding headache, am exhausted but utterly stoked with myself! The last few months of this year are going to be great. It's that thing called attitude and with exercise releasing positive endorphins, hopefully my attitude will stay positive. All i wanted to do was see Mondo Rock, Baby Animals and the Beach Boys tonight but couldn't get a ticket. So i think the coolest thing to do right now, is drive up there, take a jacket and an old friend and listen to them out the front. Yeah, i think that's cool!
One more line and we have to think of a song...
There was a young lady called Jodie,
Who was so uncommonly a roadie,
And when she delivered,
a snake that had slithered,
She crashed and killed a small toadie!
There was a young lad called Chris,
A metal concert he sure didn't miss,
His hair whipped around
as the barracade broke down,
And in public he didn't care to pis!
There was a young lady called Pam,
Who knew that everything was a sham,
she never agreed,
or agreed to disagree,
But the one thing she loved was her ham!
There was a young boy called Phil,
Who refused to take a headache pill,
when his head thumped down,
he took a trip around town,
but always came back with nil.
There was an old daddy called Bruce,
who thought he was great and spruce!
He lived in a factory,
It was dirty but miraculously.. fit!
and all he wants is a moose!
Who was so uncommonly a roadie,
And when she delivered,
a snake that had slithered,
She crashed and killed a small toadie!
There was a young lad called Chris,
A metal concert he sure didn't miss,
His hair whipped around
as the barracade broke down,
And in public he didn't care to pis!
There was a young lady called Pam,
Who knew that everything was a sham,
she never agreed,
or agreed to disagree,
But the one thing she loved was her ham!
There was a young boy called Phil,
Who refused to take a headache pill,
when his head thumped down,
he took a trip around town,
but always came back with nil.
There was an old daddy called Bruce,
who thought he was great and spruce!
He lived in a factory,
It was dirty but miraculously.. fit!
and all he wants is a moose!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
...and it cuts both ways
You know what, i love writing and i miss it so much but considering the past few weeks, i've found it hard to put fingers to keyboard and type away...if that makes sense. I've been carrying around a notebook, to work, to the service station, to the beach or what not, so if i get some inspiration i can write away in a different medium- the natural way. I know this blog has been lacking posts in a while considering how i've been about different situations and circumstances. Firstly, I've found it really hard to make sense of the past 3 weeks of my life - it's been an eye opener in to who my friends really are and what matters most in my life. I'm saddened, confused and angry for letting myself get into this mess knowing in the first place what was going to happen. However, i thought this was going to be different and it definitely feels different. In regards to my stomach pains, instead of getting better, they became worse and harder to cope with when suddenly on Monday i couldn't stand up straight. It felt like someone was stabbing me, i was in tears, confused, frightened and shouldn't have driven home from the predicaments, alone, yet what was i supposed to do? As soon as i got home i collapsed through the sliding door and mum took me to the hospital....4 hours later, i was home. I'm okay, but had the next 3 days off feeling exhausted and generally unwell.
Excited about the next few days with Hard Rock Cafe, seeing old friends and a 50th on Saturday night... something completely unexpected happened. I am saddened, and it hurts, but i understand that when unexpected things happen in your life, you tend to go with the flow and ride the waves to the shore until suddenly, you freak out and need to prioritize on your own life. Unfortunately, people are hurt along the way, but everybody hurts, right? My body was exhausted so my emotions were more vulnerable to the news. The day before i was excited about seeing Flickerswitch at Hard Rock Cafe, but as soon as night rolled around i tried my hardest to be brave, strong, courageous in the face of being hurt. It was pretty difficult. There are so many things i could write about to do with the past 3 weeks but i don't have the emotional energy or drive, and my stomach churns just thinking about it.
I was happy to arrive home this afternoon with a sense of clarity and a crying, little shaggy thing staring at me through the fence; my beautiful dog. She always makes me happy, along with my mum of course and my beautiful friends. I had an awesome night last night just chilling out, drinking (even though i wasn't supposed to due to the antibiotics), singing, dancing ect. It was great, something i definitely needed after the mess i was on Friday and how 'sucky' Friday night was. The band was awesome though. I don't know when my next post will be, i need to take my laptop and go for a drive somewhere and just sit down and focus.
I'm still looking forward to seeing the baby turtle hatchlings at Mon Repos Turtle Rookery, i just don't know who i'm going with now. No Sleep til festival will be awesome, held in brissy, got the next day off from work to recover. As for Cairns and Soundwave... at the moment that's a mystery.
Excited about the next few days with Hard Rock Cafe, seeing old friends and a 50th on Saturday night... something completely unexpected happened. I am saddened, and it hurts, but i understand that when unexpected things happen in your life, you tend to go with the flow and ride the waves to the shore until suddenly, you freak out and need to prioritize on your own life. Unfortunately, people are hurt along the way, but everybody hurts, right? My body was exhausted so my emotions were more vulnerable to the news. The day before i was excited about seeing Flickerswitch at Hard Rock Cafe, but as soon as night rolled around i tried my hardest to be brave, strong, courageous in the face of being hurt. It was pretty difficult. There are so many things i could write about to do with the past 3 weeks but i don't have the emotional energy or drive, and my stomach churns just thinking about it.
I was happy to arrive home this afternoon with a sense of clarity and a crying, little shaggy thing staring at me through the fence; my beautiful dog. She always makes me happy, along with my mum of course and my beautiful friends. I had an awesome night last night just chilling out, drinking (even though i wasn't supposed to due to the antibiotics), singing, dancing ect. It was great, something i definitely needed after the mess i was on Friday and how 'sucky' Friday night was. The band was awesome though. I don't know when my next post will be, i need to take my laptop and go for a drive somewhere and just sit down and focus.
I'm still looking forward to seeing the baby turtle hatchlings at Mon Repos Turtle Rookery, i just don't know who i'm going with now. No Sleep til festival will be awesome, held in brissy, got the next day off from work to recover. As for Cairns and Soundwave... at the moment that's a mystery.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Character changes everything
I came here to tell you two things. The first, that life is immense and we bravely go into it everyday. The second, I've been wanting to write about something in my blog that matters greatly to me, and my life. After careful consideration and deep thinking, tossing and turning of a night time, I've decided I'm not going to write about it. I realise now it doesn't matter. None of it matters because ive seen what matters and what I should be putting my energy into. When someone comes into your life, unexpected, you either let them in slowly, build something special or shut them out.
Show some empathy and open your eyes. Maybe it's too difficult to see past your own wants and needs and demonstrate something more than rainchecks and self centred behavior. Faith and hope shines a light on our personal insecurities, whatever they might be. We're just two ordinary people; you and me. As they say, time will turn us into statues, eventually..
Show some empathy and open your eyes. Maybe it's too difficult to see past your own wants and needs and demonstrate something more than rainchecks and self centred behavior. Faith and hope shines a light on our personal insecurities, whatever they might be. We're just two ordinary people; you and me. As they say, time will turn us into statues, eventually..
Thursday, October 7, 2010
When a 6 day old baby stares at you with their big, blue, beady eyes, you can't help but feel a connection. A smile draws upon your face and you take in what beauty and wonder is a new born baby. Babies do not fear, nor feel confused or alone, they are at peace. There's something so beautiful about a new life into the world whether it be a human baby or a baby elephant or dolphin. Each of them unique to their environment, alive and ready to take on the world. Perhaps it's my motherhood instincts revealing themselves, but their is just something so beautiful about a brand new life. Almost surreal.
I took my dad out to lunch yesterday and this is who we had the pleasure of meeting at the end of our meals, a new born baby boy. Seeing him definitely brought to light the fact that i can't wait to have a family of my own. Someday...
"yes well you know when change is for the better..." - This is a statement I often hear people saying in times of desperate need, or when they need a sign that everything will be okay. Change can be for the 'good'; a new city/town, new friends, a new job or challenge in your life, and it can also be for the 'bad'' when a relationship breaks down and you're forced to take the highroad, adapt to not having them around you and compromise in your new settings. People are all the same no matter where you go. They have similar ideals and fall back on the same values. Their morals only differ in terms of their surroundings. We are a product of our environment; the only thing that stays the same is change. Our world, our humanity is constantly changing, adapting, so do we ride with the waves or crash and burn onto the shoreline? Recently i said we must live our own lives, well, and know that their will always be situations to adapt to, strong minded, opinionated people to work alongside and graceful patience to be maintained in each and every one of us. At the moment I feel dizzy, nauseous even and a strong abdominal pain is surging across the base of my stomach. I'm keeping hydrated - plenty of fluids, yet a dazed feeling overwhelms me. As usual my mind is racing, my heart beats irregularly. Perhaps i'm a little afraid to be completely honest with the predicament. Last week i changed my mindset, stating that i wouldn't let myself delve into this state of paranoia or anxiety... It's not as easy as i thought it was going to be.
I took my dad out to lunch yesterday and this is who we had the pleasure of meeting at the end of our meals, a new born baby boy. Seeing him definitely brought to light the fact that i can't wait to have a family of my own. Someday...
"yes well you know when change is for the better..." - This is a statement I often hear people saying in times of desperate need, or when they need a sign that everything will be okay. Change can be for the 'good'; a new city/town, new friends, a new job or challenge in your life, and it can also be for the 'bad'' when a relationship breaks down and you're forced to take the highroad, adapt to not having them around you and compromise in your new settings. People are all the same no matter where you go. They have similar ideals and fall back on the same values. Their morals only differ in terms of their surroundings. We are a product of our environment; the only thing that stays the same is change. Our world, our humanity is constantly changing, adapting, so do we ride with the waves or crash and burn onto the shoreline? Recently i said we must live our own lives, well, and know that their will always be situations to adapt to, strong minded, opinionated people to work alongside and graceful patience to be maintained in each and every one of us. At the moment I feel dizzy, nauseous even and a strong abdominal pain is surging across the base of my stomach. I'm keeping hydrated - plenty of fluids, yet a dazed feeling overwhelms me. As usual my mind is racing, my heart beats irregularly. Perhaps i'm a little afraid to be completely honest with the predicament. Last week i changed my mindset, stating that i wouldn't let myself delve into this state of paranoia or anxiety... It's not as easy as i thought it was going to be.
Friday, October 1, 2010
To Change
The sky, when overcast, rarely brings rain. Grief is like the ocean, it's deep and dark and bigger than all of us. Pain makes us scared, It's unfair. Love brings out the best secrets and shelters our soul. Our heart beats contently, full of hope. Everyday we face the same truth that life is fleeting. But our time here is not short, even though it may seem so. And courage makes us stronger, individually and connectively to others.
Everyone has their own story of heartache, grief, sadness, loss, gain and so on. I think it takes courage to speak honestly of your point of view. It takes courage to share your story with others, strangers even. It takes courage to face your fears; if you're afraid of loving someone because you might get hurt, but you leave yourself open and vulnerable anyway to falling in love (especially after being burned) than that's an act of courage. Nevertheless, i don't even know if you're courageous, or how much courage you could have, until after the fact. Ernest Hemingway famously described courage as "grace under pressure." When pressure hits us, it hits hard, we have to think on our feet and react suddenly.
Each day we make history and hope there is always more to believe in. We race through life from one extreme to the next and we should all be so lucky to be so passionate about something or someone and be courageous. Fear holds us back, hope and courage set us free. We must live our own lives well, take the highroad when we can and allow hope to bring our humanity together.
Years from now i'll sit back on a Sunday evening with my family, my friends, or even alone and think back to this time in my life. You will do the same. What's the one thing thats made you happy? Or made this time in your life stand out from the rest? Courage, unity and hope. Bravery, contentment and fear. I always said patience is a virtue but the waiting part is difficult. We all have dreams that with hard work and dedication we will accomplish. We all have fears. We all want the best in our lives. Today, will be the day i remember as change.
Everyone has their own story of heartache, grief, sadness, loss, gain and so on. I think it takes courage to speak honestly of your point of view. It takes courage to share your story with others, strangers even. It takes courage to face your fears; if you're afraid of loving someone because you might get hurt, but you leave yourself open and vulnerable anyway to falling in love (especially after being burned) than that's an act of courage. Nevertheless, i don't even know if you're courageous, or how much courage you could have, until after the fact. Ernest Hemingway famously described courage as "grace under pressure." When pressure hits us, it hits hard, we have to think on our feet and react suddenly.
Each day we make history and hope there is always more to believe in. We race through life from one extreme to the next and we should all be so lucky to be so passionate about something or someone and be courageous. Fear holds us back, hope and courage set us free. We must live our own lives well, take the highroad when we can and allow hope to bring our humanity together.
Years from now i'll sit back on a Sunday evening with my family, my friends, or even alone and think back to this time in my life. You will do the same. What's the one thing thats made you happy? Or made this time in your life stand out from the rest? Courage, unity and hope. Bravery, contentment and fear. I always said patience is a virtue but the waiting part is difficult. We all have dreams that with hard work and dedication we will accomplish. We all have fears. We all want the best in our lives. Today, will be the day i remember as change.
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