Time after time

After watching the film 'Eat pray love' for the first time, well, the first time viewing the full length version considering i attempted to watch it but fell asleep after 30minutes (no, it wasn't boring, i was just exhausted and struggled to keep my eyes open). Well, it gave me the inspiration i needed to do something for myself. Of course if i could i would book a plane ticket to Taipei and spend time with my half sister, getting to know her and the people she is surrounded by - the unique culture of Taiwan and everything it has to offer. We go through our lives on a day to day basis, wondering aimlessly simply doing what needs to be done and sometimes it feels like you are stuck in a rut. We get to that point where we wonder where our life is taking us, what path we are currently travelling on and all of these thoughts consume our mind, it's like trying to figure out a turtle puzzle but instead of a normal picture, its in 3D (yes, i've completed a 3D turtle puzzle and it was difficult!) Everyone has had that feeling of 'been there, done that', what is that acronym.. of course i remember it's "S.S.D.D"(same shit different day) for those living in a cave. Now, feling like you're 'stuck in a rut' isn't exactly a negative feeling, but it sure as hell feels quite the ordinary. It's just one of those things you mull over for a few days or weeks and them bam! Something hits you like a train wreck and you are back on your feet not even thinking about those days of contemplative numbness. It's like a dull grey wall.

Can i get a twirt twirt bounce bounce clap clap? -- that song is completely stuck in my head, but i don't mind cos' it reminds me of a happy time with a friend of mine. I just spent some time in Byron bay chilling out with a friend and spending time relaxing. It's hard to relax sometimes and close off your mind to the madness churning within. He helps me do this though. We just spent the night watching a movie and fell asleep earliesh.. about ten, and i just snuggled into him. When i woke up in the morning we had pancakes with the best mango sorbet and he went off to do his own thing and so did i. I decided to head to the beach as i needed to rest my mind and enjoy the serenity of some alone time. I walked along the beach and watched the waves crash down along the shore line and the happy families spending time with one another, kids are so funny. Can't help but love them. I wanted to walk up to the lighthouse but stupidly forgot my ventolin and half way up there needed to rest my chest, so called dad for a bit of a chat.  After that i decided to go for a drive to Brunswick Heads and Ocean Shores and found another perfect beach to adventure upon. It was so beautiful. When i finally was en route to the Gold Coast i missed the turn off for the highway and ended up taking the Tweed Valley scenic route...thought i must have been heading in the wrong direction when i wasn't on a highway for 20 minutes. Rang dad and told him i had no idea where i was but the scenery was nice. I chucked on Frou Frou and cruised along, taking photos whilst driving and sifting through the thoughts that sprung in and out of my mind. I definitely needed a day to myself. It felt so peaceful not to be in any rush anywhere, not to have to answer to anyone and just enjoy the surroundings.

I really miss him at the moment. I'm missing his company and the way he just makes me smile. He helped me realise that its okay to be happy with the way i am, and to not apologise for being myself. It's like they say, people either love you or hate or try to be you, and if they don't like it, they weren't worth it in the first place. It's interesting because i was seeing someone for a few weeks that i met on a night out with some friends. Things were going well and everything was okay but it just fizzled out. Things don't always work out and i wasn't ready for a relationship. He said he'd call me because he felt bad about a few things and wished to explain and im still waiting on that phone call. To be honest, i don't want to hear from him. I don't want to be apart of any games. No one likes being lied to or made a fool of.

On the positive side, well there was no negative side. I have a great new friend, the greatest old friends, my car is getting fixed, i have a new job (which i start tomorrow) as a sales rep. and theres nothing wrong with the bones in my hip! Only thing is im seeing a specialist friday for some other issues but things are looking up. I did see an old boyfriend the other day for only about ten minutes, but it felt good not to feel anger and hurt when seeing him, but rather just seeing him as a friend. When we ended it, it was hard on me and im sure it was hard on him to. I loved him yet felt so much hurt and anger its taken me all this time to actually want to see him. We shared a lot of good times and i miss his mum to. Shes a champion.

I guess we take each day as it comes and face challenges in life head on. I've taken a few chances, some good and some bad but the experiences are what teaches us along the way and guide us through. I could really do with a snuggle right now, missing him..

until the stars fall..

JP xxx