There's a bluebird in my heart

“We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.” 
― Charles Bukowski

It helps to dot your 'i's' and cross your 't's' right? Or in other words, examine and reexamine. It's kind of like when you reflect on your past and how it influences your future. Nice memories appear, and emotions resurface, a little trip down memory lane. I find it hard to believe people who don't think the past influences them, even at a subconscious level it does, we can't help it. I listen to my gut feelings about past experiences. We can't put our past behind us. Look at the stars, a lot of them have been dead for thousands of years but their light is only reaching us now. The past is always influencing the present. We can't change it, but aim to understand it, like human beings aim to understand the subtleties of their existence, its okay to examine our past and see what influences it has on our future.

As i read on facebook this morning "don't get your knickers in a knot! It solves nothing and makes you sit funny".

After listening to a few Charles Bukowski poems on youtube, i decided to watch the movie 'Barfly' written by Bukowski, about a writer Henry Chinaski, "who never cared for the American dream, the thought of needing to become 'something' and fit into the system disgusts him. He believes that life is free and yours to live like you see fit, and if that in some cases involves copious amounts of whiskey then so be it." (Excerpt from IMDB). 


I loved the movie. It's not very long, but after reading a few of Bukowskis novel his style of writing is exceptionally brought to life and the character of Chinaski fits snuggly into how i depicted the character. The film was made in 1987 on what looks to be low budget yet the characters are what make the movie. I felt i was taken on a journey on what it would be like to live poorly, like scum, like Chinaski. Although you are moved through the world through Chinaskis life, you don't feel sorry for him, because you realise he chooses to be their and is content with what he has. By the end of the film, his new found love, happiness and money is relished by Chinaski buying everyone a round in his favourite bar. If you are looking to see something a bit different, i would recommend it (that means you dad).

I love reading Charles Bukowski novels and of course his prose. Theirs a real ruthlessness to his writing. It's straight up without the bull shit or flowery words writers like to use. One of my favourite Bukowski quotes comes from his book Factotum.

"my ambition is handicapped by laziness" - Factotum Makes me think of my generation and even the generation before mine. We are those who want to work to have money, but don't want to put in the hard yards and do the hours to get the money. How very interesting. I think a lot of people in my generation are lazy and even money sometimes doesn't motivate them. Its hard when there are so many opportunities open to us that you almost get overwhelmed with what it is you really want to do. It's like dad always said though, you just do something, so i have been, and slowly im finding out more of what i like and don't like and what im interested in and what i really cannot stand. It's like a little game, just got to stand over all the players.

Until the stars fall,

JP

PS: im off to the museum to see what Ancient Egypt had to offer.