A box of chocolates

Life is like a box of chocolates and you never know which one your going to get. Familiar? Forrest Gump.

When we are offered a choice in life we take a leap of faith and go with our gut feeling. In this case, which chocolate stands out the most, the one that feels right, looks tastiest and makes our tongues salivate. The one your taste buds ooze over. When it comes down to it, we make the choice on what's right for us, how we feel and what we like. Uniqueness, independence and free will defines us human beings and the decisions we make affect us everyday and those around us. It doesn't take a physicist to work that out. In my previous blogs I've spoken of myself, my friends and parts of my life thus far. I've thought deeply about attitude and how it affects you each day. Our attitude makes or breaks us.

I started this blog post at lunch whilst eating subway, but thought id finish it now. I'm at a friends place for some pre-drinks - we're off to a bucks 'after' party...okay, hence, females can come to. Jersey Shore is playing and its completely hilarious and i'm drinking rum... whats new? Basically, we are out for a good saturday night drinking, dancing and letting our hair down. The past two weeks have been so interesting and i am myself again. Im thankful to so many people who have helped bring me back down such as my mum, my friends but most of all my best friend. However due to previous and present circumstances most likely doesn't want to know me. He deleted me as a friend on facebook and i know what that means. Enough is enough. I really do care about him but he doesn't think so. You can't switch on feelings for someone at the push of a button because they've finally worked out they want you, and honestly i want to be there for him as his best friend. We have grown so close over time but now i don't think we will ever be back to that point. The past week has been so difficult for him and i haven't known how to react. Its been difficult for me also, because no one likes hurting the people you care about. I'm not going to say to much about it anymore in my blog out of respect for our privacy but i will say this. You are more than words can say to me. I cherish our friendship and i never wanted to hurt you, i know you didn't want to hurt me. We both hurt for different reasons and i will always be there for you. I love you. You always said no matter what you would be there for me as a friend, now im not so sure. My happiness is important to me, and yours important to you. I want you to be happy.

As hard as everything has been i've realised i am finally me and doing those things that i love. I need to have fun dancing, horse riding, doing pole fitness, seeing friends and doing everything that i felt i couldnt do in the past due to my relationship. My past boyfriend didn't understand me and what i loved to do. As much as i loved him, i couldn't be myself and felt constricted...reserved and manipulated. Now that i realise what it means to truly focus on myself and achieve what i want with people who push me to achieve greatness, i'm happy. I've been 21 for 6 days and alot has happened. Ive hurt more than one person (3 to be exact) and gained happiness within myself at the same time. I trusted my best friend and he hurt me deeply, now he wants me but i wanted him so badly 5 months ago and he wasn't interested. Or at least, that's how it felt. He held me at arms length for a long time until he was ready. I was confused at what was going on with Harley and i could never get a clear answer from him, no matter how many questions i asked. Harley is hurting also with my decision and i feel sad for him but its not my fault. He had one chance too many and knew how i felt. Lessons have been learnt, mistakes made, realisations occurred. All in all I know what i want and its him (nickname to come) who makes me so happy. Its completely unexpected and as i mentioned through previous blogs, i don't use names. Ill nickname him "the predicament."

I know this will make him laugh and not everyone will understand it but that's the mystery. I stumbled across "the predicament" through a friend unexpectedly and was intrigued to get to know him. In the past few weeks we've spent a bit of time together focusing on our newly found friendship and as it occurs, i like him. He makes me smile from the way he talks to me, what he says about me and when he texts me at 5:50am to say good morning and let me know what he is doing for the day. He gives me butterflies, and makes me weak at the knees. Isn't this what being happy is about? That feeling. That moment when you look into their eyes and can't help but smile. "The predicament" has encountered a situation. Me. :D