Easier SAID than done...

Hold me like before, hold me like you used to, control me like you used to. Okay, Saturday afternoon and the weather is B-E-A UTIFUL! My spoodle is staring at me through the window and there's a group of kids playing handball on the street. I'm listening to Seth Sentry, The waitress song..
and devouring a punnet of strawberries. Half dressed and my mind is racing.
Quite frankly, i'm tired of going in circles and never being able to walk in a straight line. Today it seems so simple to me to trust yourself and the decisions you make. I, myself have learnt from different experiences how to adjust to different circumstances and can quickly identify how i react to something and why. Maybe this is what they call growing up? No. Its more than that. Emotional IQ is something learned. To understand someone elses difficulties and fears etc, you need to understand yourself. Otherwise, how can we be empathetic towards another?

Opening your heart and trusting someone completely is an interesting, complex, exciting, nerve racking road to either an incredibly satisfying and honest relationship, or a miserable and stressful downpour. hmmm. Ive trusted my friend completely and he loves me for who i am, and what i can be. Not anyone else. So why now, to someone i like do i know he doesn't deserve me, but never feel good enough for him. An interesting contradiction i guess - a) i fitted him into the typical stereotype of a 'party' boy and b) 'party' boys like girls who start trouble, (for what its worth i have no idea) who get drunk and party like them. Girls will be girls and boys will be boys. Why do girls have to start things for no reason and talk, talk, talk? I've never been trouble, i've only been me and honesty is something i strive to continue however at times its very hard, especially being honest to people you extremely care about because no one wants to hurt someone but truth is everybody hurts.

I don't understand why someone can be so afraid of commitment? Fear is a hurdle that's difficult to jump. Once you have the courage and strength to do it (whatever it is) it becomes easier and easier. As we grow up we build upon relationships and they fall down around us. People walk in and out of our lives only for a season but there's those that leave footprints on your heart.

So the next song plays on my itunes... Old Man River, Your on my mind... Yet, another song that reminds me of this person who i will nickname 'Harley.' There is no point in wondering why, and there is no cure that i wont try to get over you, because at the end of the day im not sure your worth it. My mind says you are but my heart is tired of games. How can someone expect you to wait around until they are 'ready' - sure i understand fear, i understand being afraid but its okay to be afraid and its okay to hurt someone but how do we know whats going to happen if no one takes a chance. The biggest mistake in life is fearing that we will make a mistake. True, but why? Because living fearless makes life worth so much more and enables us to gain alot more experience that in the long run, we might be able to pass down and share with others.

Ou Est Le Swimming Pool - Dance the way i feel!

This song played in Sin City on Monday night and i went crazy! Maybe because the band name is French, maybe because i do push ups in my underwear to this song, or maybe its just an awesome song that tells me to relax and let my hair down every now and then. These strawberries are delicious. See, we must appreciate the simple things in life like a beautiful sunset, delicious food and when a stranger smiles. Although i haven't been well today, im feeling good about the coming week ahead. My birthday is literally around the corner so let's see if i feel any different. I had an amazing night last night seeing a new band with a friend i haven't had the chance to hang out with before, and finally feeling like me again.

This journey back to being myself again has thrown rocks in all shapes and sizes left, right and centre but i think i handled it quite well. Finally, i don't have chronic tonsillitis so im no longer on a million different antibiotics that do nothing to help. Im seeing some old friends and not putting up with shit. I've met some new people and realised who really doesn't matter anymore.

To be yourself in a world that's constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. Ralph Waldo Emerson