It's not like you ever imagine your life to be bad and strive for the worst case scenario, sometimes it just happens. On the flip side, it's not like you imagine everything will fall into place and you don't have a worry in the world. I guess this whole 'living each day as it comes' thing really does you wonders. You never know what a new day will bring, the people you'll meet and what you will get up to. I had a quiet day trying to figure out what on earth i'm going to do with the painting i stuffed up... oh creative mind i need you! Please don't fail me now. Nevertheless, i did some location scouting for my photo shoot next week, researched into my tattoo design ideas, worked on a puzzle, had a luscious roast lamb and veggies for dinner my brother cooked, saw a friend and had a laugh watching family guy and yet again received more inspiration for my novel. Everywhere i go and in everything i do lately these ideas rapidly race through my mind and i quickly grab out my phone, take a snapshot of where i am, jot down some notes in my memo folder or put pen to paper in an exercise book i carry around. Sometimes ideas come from a simple image of something, a car, or the way a person smells and what they say, or even a certain colour. Red is the inspiration for today. I love the feeling of having ideas and being creative again and not feeling pressured to create something on a deadline, like with university projects and assignments, they were always by the deadline where as with my novel its self paced and all my own. I wrote some scenes last night till early hours of the morning, i could have almost watched the sun rise, but tonight i'll have to get some zzz's eventually. They say beauty is only skin deep and ugly goes clean to the bone, and dam right you don't want to be on the end of a woman who hasn't had enough sleep. (Sorry mum). I don't mean to be a moody bitch it just spills out of me and unfortunately my family seem to be the ones at the end of it since i live with them. I blame my hormones, there a little all over the place but im learning to work with them and take it in my stride.
I just noticed this peculiar feeling. A few butterflies fluttering around in my tummy, but very happy ones. I'm feeling so relaxed and at ease that i finally feel myself moving forward. Last night as i wrote down scenes for the book there were a few feelings of doubt and uncertainty, apprehension and naivety of regretful feelings (if that makes sense, it is quite early in the morning) that i brought to the surface. I had a few tears in my eyes writing a certain scene that struck a chord deep in my hearts wounds. I figured though, i have a story to tell and share with the world and this is the way i'd like to do it. Sure, i have my paintings, my poetry and prose and filmmaking capabilities yet this just feels right. Finding the right way to express your emotions and your story can also be a process. There are many different ways we can express our uniqueness and individuality - who we are as human beings and i believe writing is for me. I want to write out of my hurt and how to make this hurt okay, because i know i'm not the only person who has ever felt this way. For my novel: the truth about
what happened between Alex and Taylor. How much it hurt her not to tell him the truth and how each day passes by and she wonders what could have been and what his reaction would have been. The biggest and hardest decision, she grew up instantly. The thoughts that
ran through her mind ticked over like a time bomb. Her chest sunk in, she fell to her knees onto the cold, hard floor and balled her eyes out, tears streamed down the sides of her cheeks, worry filled her heart and a sickness enveloped her stomach and created a gaping hole. She didn’t know what to feel except that it
wasn’t how she wanted it or imagined it to be. Writing is one of those things where the experiences that have happened to you create a grounding of where to start. Write what you know, they say. It's not as easy as it seems. I always think you know about the difference between men and women. Women talk about their emotions and go through the motions of dealing through things with their words. They focus on it, how it made them feel, why this and that happened and so on and then put it into their emotional vault and seal it away never to resurface again, or at least if it does, it simply becomes a memory but the agony and hurt felt at the time doesn't rekindle. Men deal with their emotions differently. Our emotional state often dictates how we behave. Men and women may handle emotions in quite different ways. From what i gather from experiences, men sort of hide their emotions and withdraw because they feel the need to be self-reliant of their family and their loved ones. No wonder men are from mars and women are from venus, because we really are different creatures and handle things in our own unique ways. Neither is better nor worse. Having to bring old memories to the surface for the books sake and for different characters, its kind of interesting to note how i've dealt with those past experiences and if i truly have moved on or not. Even though emotions such as anger and fear aren't as readily accepted in society, it is perfectly normal to feel those things and basically apart of being human. I'm happy that i have experienced a whirlwind of emotions i can delve back into and bring them to light. Nobody's perfect, it's time we be real.
I have a lot of exciting things to look forward to in the upcoming weeks therefore a positive mindset and my health (that of which i must stay on top of if i want to get anywhere) is a must. I have a few photo shoots, appointments i'm dealing with before summer hits, purchasing a new bike and embarking on a road trip up the north coast to Townsville. Im looking forward to getting the camera out and being in front of it, and behind it once again. Now, i do realise my blogs are a little 'here' and 'there' but amongst writing and developing my book i will aim to focus on my blog a lot more.
My thought for the week this week leads me to Aristotle and his discussions on Morality and Happiness.
Like Plato, Aristotle believes that the 'good of the many, outweigh the good of the few.' Amidst living in a completely different society where technology seems to rule the roost i still believe this to be true, however, one must take care of the individual (yourself) and when lots of people take care of themselves, then the good of the many will outweigh the few who don't look after themselves. I like to read philosophy and the view of those before our time, because the thoughts of the great thinkers still hold so much relativity in today's society. Nevertheless, happiness is sometimes but a tear drop away.
Aristotle believes that living involves activity motivated by desire, and pleasure follows successful activity. Here, here to that!
until the stars fall... jp x
No comments:
Post a Comment