Yet Another Show

We search for happiness everyday, and find it in the most unexpected ways and places. Throughout our lives certain situations open our eyes to the emotional theme park that is our world, individually and with those around us. We begin to realise who 'matters' most in our lives, why we are standing where we are today, how we arrived there and the person we will become. We realise that above all, family is most important. We choose our friends, sometimes more wisely than others, but we do not choose our families and it is they who help shape the people we are today. 

It is boxing day for 2010. I feel vulnerable, but not lost, surreal and energetic. My world has done a 360 and spun itself upside down, then up and around again. Oh the joys of life's little wonders as they say. As much as circumstances change everything and different things happen in our lives  that are beyond our control, most things in my life are looking up. I know i need to focus on myself (my life, my happiness and what i need). People have feelings for me and i have feelings for someone else.  I can't believe it was Christmas yesterday. How this year has flown by.  There have been many ups and downs, moody and anxious moments and times where i was unstoppable, on top of the world and what i wanted was mine for the taking -  emotional freedom. After this year, i can only imagine what next year is going to bring: love, loss, heartache, stress, sadness and more is definitely in store. We do not know how long our time on this earth will last and what each minute will bring, so should we plan every minute detail and set in stone how our life will pan out? No. Because things change like the drop of a hat and this could only lead to disappointment. Have goals, yes, strive for the good, aim for happiness, do what it takes to make that dream come true but leave room for change. Go with the flow, live out of your boundaries, do everything with passion, don't be afraid to love and be hurt. Look right through me and you will see a window of emotion, a mad world, with no regrets. Enlarge your world.

You know, we go through our lives hitting it hard, like a train running full steam ahead and sometimes this works us up internally; deep inside it creates an unsettled environment where we can't relax. Right now, i'm listening to Stevie Wonders 'I just called to say i love you'. I have a few tears...I've been on the go for a few days now without decent rest and relaxation which adds to the way i'm feeling now. Another Stevie Wonder song 'isn't she lovely' has begun to play. I feel connected to this song as it brings tears to my mothers eyes. Since its Christmas, all i can smell is chocolate. The festive season came around quickly and it's time to have some fun. It's not long till we say goodbye to 2010 forever, sending it out with a bang and saying hello to 2011 with good friends, fireworks, rum (of course) a little bubbly and perhaps a kiss.

They say we should 'forgive and forget' but at times it's hard to 'let go' and forget, which creates the unsure feelings i currently can't shake. It's not always easy for people to show empathy, and put yourself in someone elses shoes, however, the thoughts you send to a friend do count and mean something in the long run. I feel distant, like i don't want to talk and just need the company of myself and a good book. Boxing day sales and we had to go shopping. I was anxious shopping. The crowds make me feel closed in, i get shaky, nervous and almost scared. I know these situations trigger it, depending how i feel before hand - i am getting better. It's taken a year to scratch the surface of myself again but i'm taking the necessary steps i need. We do all of these different things to help us yet it also needs to come from our mindsets as well as within our hearts. We've got to shake things up and create a little magic in our lives and imagine, let the child within be free.

Despite how i feel, i've had a great few days. It started with a random facebook status of who was keen for Christmas eve drinks by a friend of mine. I was there, with rum, cider and 6 bags of cheese supreme dorritos. It was a great night to chill out with old friends and make some new friends. Midnight came along and there was a non stop 'merry Christmas' that jingled through the house, then most people left till it was just the three of us, a rose between two thorns (sorry boys) watching family guy. 3 episodes and i dozed off after the beginning of every one, waking up at the credits demanding i didn't fall asleep. I guess it was Bed time. 3am came along and i had a splitting headache after the rum, cider, bourbon and punch. It was all so tasty though and dorritos topped it off. This was the most random and unexpected way to wake up Christmas morning. There's nothing wrong with spontaneity and something a little out of the ordinary. Dad picked me up and we both went home for Christmas, i showered, ate breakfast and was in bed till 2pm. Then when i woke it was time for presents, our Christmas feast and drinks. I had an awesome night playing guitar hero with my brother and his girlfriend, singing my head off to "you give love a bad name" -- Bon Jovi and chilling out with my mate from Byron. It was great to see him and he really lifted my spirits, or was that just the alcohol? He is a good mate, a lot of fun and he's great to talk to. What can i say, he has pretty blue eyes. 

By the time i feel asleep watching Mr Deeds, i swear the alarm was going off to get up - really!? Already time to wake up i thought? It was 7am! Pressed Snooze and i nodded off straight away.  Mum came in 9:15 to get me up and ready as we were heading to see the cousins in Jimboomba, oops, i better get up (we were supposed to leave at 9:30). Had an awesome day seeing my family up there and spending time with my 7 year old cousin, we sang Bon Jovi together on the way to the shops, ate lots of chocolate and played games on the nintendo ds. Its 10:22pm at the moment, i feel exhausted and i'm ready to hit the hay. Was going to read the last instalmen to Harry Potter (again) but i'll leave that for another night.

This week is going to be hectic and i'm ready for it. I'll hit the gym 4 days this week and get ready for a new years eve i wont forget. 2011, you are so near, but hold up it's not the end yet. 

JPS Xx