Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Ever remember that saying "what Suzy says about Sally, says more about Suzy than it does of Sally."

When the world stops for a minute...

Quiet is the mind that rests at night... when i close my eyelids and drift away into a blissful slumber. I hope that my dreams and thoughts bring peace and rest to an anxious and wandering mind.
I cannot begin to tell you or even describe what has happened the past few years, or more, that its been that i havent written one blog post. Ive had so many inklings and urges to write...its like there's a fire deep inside at the pit of my stomach, bursting to come alive and spill words onto the page. I honestly just couldnt bring myself to bring fingertips to keyboard, pencil to paper, pen to parchment and whatever else you can think of... i think you catch my drift. I have been to my own kind of hell and back and its amazing that im living and breathing as i am right now. Im in a position where i'm grateful for the life ive lived and the future i am going to encounter, but i just dont know how to begin explaining what the fuck has happened. Why am i the person i am today?

How lovely is a birds song, how tepid are the words of an ex that linger in the back of your mind,. oh how fucked up situations of a past day or life can sing and dance as a chorus in the back of your everyday thoughts and the ugly face of anger stares at you and you dont know what you did wrong.

i mean FUCK.

"Stay AWAY from Jazz and Liquor"

"...and the men who play for fun" - Chicago.

After a fabulous pole fitness and dance class wednesday night i'm feeling a lot more motivated to sell all my dance costumes on Ebay and hand a bag over to one of my old dance teachers, and even more motivated to insist to my mother that I NEED to put my pole back up in the house (physiotherapists instructions, honest) and get back into pole fitness. Two days after my class I am really feeling it. When I cough or sneeze, I get a sharp muscular jolt in the sides of my obliques and deep in the bottom of my abs. My arms are absolutely killing. I couldn't even bowl properly yesterday, but surprisingly i couldn't do much... except the splits. Due to my weekly stretching I am more flexible than I thought i would be, but still a fair way to go to get back to where I was.

My juicing is going so well! I love my raw vegetable juices, and green juices taste so refreshingly good. I still eat food, but since a few gym sessions, I have really knuckled down on what i am consuming. Some days are easier than others, I just have to focus on food preparation, and not go grocery shopping whilst I am hungry.

I also like the way the little voice in my head doesn't have to do that if I don't want it to. Because. That. Is. Really. Annoying.

Although a lot of my own writing isn't up to grammatical scratch since I just write what i'm going to write, hit publish and i'm done with it. I do find posts such as the one above quite humorous.

I follow a page on Facebook called Grammarly and I find sheer delight in the quirky responses written by other followers to grammar humour. I'm a nerd huh? I'm sure my boyfriend doesn't understand why I think these things are so funny, but some of them literally make me laugh out loud. One post a few days ago stated "we're going to cut and paste kids. Commas matter." I thought this was so clever, and it seems commas truly save lives. If you don't get it, there is supposed to be a comma after paste;)

I even find literary puns to be amusing such as this one below:

English nerd humour #303

It's nice to feel a bit better this week than I have been feeling. My websites coming together slowly, but surely. Websites are a little tricky at times. I change a format and think i am doing the right thing and then lose a draft and somethings purple! I like how it is at the moment, but next week i am going to have to take a trip to Brisbane to sort it out a bit better. You can find it at www.jodiestewartonline.com.

I have a job interview on Monday!!! A little nervous and definitely apprehensive but excited for something new and different. That's exactly why i started my website. It helps keep my mind busy whilst my boyfriends away. Scrapbookings great, yet i can't do that 24/7 and can get expensive. If i go to spotlight i need to leave my wallet at home, otherwise i'll just want to buy pretty much everything. Since i am jobless, i can't afford that. Somehow, i can talk myself into affording it, then i turn around and feel sorry for myself later. Nevertheless, now's the time i am sharing even more of my thoughts and ideas about the things i adore in life. 

I miss dancing and i think i'm going to give Burlesque classes a decent go. What the heck, its exciting, makes you feel good and theres a great group of girls that do it and that's what i need. To hang out a little more with more of my own kind. 

Until the stars fall,

JP!!!!!!

Today Is Your Day

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. 

Arnold Schwarzenegger


What ever the rest of the week brings to you, be strong, smile and let your strength, your love, help you to a better day.


Good Afternoon everyone, I hope you are all well, cos' here's the touch down like a 747.
 


There you are reading my blog again either on your desktop pc or smart phone and you're thinking, what is she on about now? Well, what am i talking about? 

Ever sit there and just think, "you know, today is a good day." This is how i'm feeling at this very moment and i decided to write a post to share what's been going on in the world of JP lately. 
Alas, it tis' raining once again on the Gold Coast. Tends to happen throughout our Winters, however, more so we get the summer storms. You know the perfect summer lovin' days from sunrise and then once schools out and it hits 3pm, its overcast and the lightning strikes. Its a sign!! Leave the kids at school. 


But seriously, i'm sitting here in an old pair of grey track pants with a bond university logo streamed down the side, socks on, a simple cream coloured knit and purple glasses. I have no make-up on and my hairs an absolute mess, yet, i've been quite the busy bee this morning. So busy, i forgot to fuel the engine with some petrol, AKA feed my body some nutritious breakfast, thus instead i woke up to an 8am message from a friend asking for a morning coffee date. I sighed, (it is freezing) and dragged myself out bed, stripped off and jumped into a searing hot shower. Ahhh, feels good doesn't it? Hot showers on a chilly gold coast 18 degree winter day! 


The worst thing, is being in the shower and once the waters off, you get the tiny bit of breeze hit you and you quickly make a grab for your towel (and it still hasn't dried properly from the night before. There's no other choice though, unless you are going to make a nudie run out to the cupboard and walk on the cold tiles.) I think, just use the dam damp towel, dry your feet and the socks go on first, (that's what i do). Anyway, i headed out this morning for a few hours and saw a friend, ran some errands and by the time i was back here i completely forgot i hadn't had anything nutritious. To the juicer i was! So i whipped a raw yet tasteful, beautifully refreshing paw paw, carrot and apple juice. It was deliscious, you can't knock it till you try it. And now im sitting here listening to Ed Sheeran, reminsicing about times spent in Rockhampton and Mackay and reading my psychology textbook about Developmental Psychology, or 'lifespan development.' The drizzle of rain in the background creates the most comforting atmosphere to write to. What tops it off is my best friend is sitting right beside me, having a snooze. My little pup Jenna. 


Today, i miss the old days. The after school ballet rush and nights spent doing ballet, jazz or contemporary preparing for the weekends competition. 






Today, i miss the innocence of being a youth, (you know where you can get away with things because you are still a kid.)

Today, i miss the family time: sibling fights, getting a smack for shaving your legs too young, and birthday celebrations and family days out.

It's so nice to have memories. These memories i've been playing through my head the past few hours urge me to plan more and be in touch with my family. Not only my immediate family, but my family in New Zealand and Melbourne - my brothers and sisters from the same mister (my dad sowed his seeds thats for sure but saved the best for last.) I really love having a bigger family and being so close to my brother in Melbourne. I love him so much and cannot wait for all the times we will share together. We have a very honest and open relationship where i can speak freely about whatevers on my mind, whether its about my studying, work ideas, my leisure activities or even if its about how amazing i think Henry Cavill, the new superman is... i can speak of whatever. And he speaks the same with me. We have a very special bond full of trust and i feel so lucky to have that with him. 

I think that its so important to be on good terms with your family, even if you have a faling out or disagreement, you should eventually sort it out and not hold grudges against people because we only have one life to live. We get one shot and one opportunity. That said, there are cases when you should just tell your family to get nicked because there doing you more harm than good and don't deserve to have you in their life, so you create your own life and family. 

When i'm writing, I like to refer to Bukowski quite often for i believe he was not so far off of how he interpreted people and his own life, in the grand scheme of things. People can be fickle and lazy in their friendships with you, untrustworthy, and dog you for the next best thing, but your family will always be there.  

Everyone is a little crazy and there is no way in hell we are able to keep it completely together 100% of the time in our lives because thats not what life is about. Life is about being knocked down, pulling yourself together and lifting yourself back up. It's about learning from your mistakes. Most of all, your life is about YOU. And as adults, we are held accountable for what we say and do because you know whats right and what is wrong and how to go about things depending on the different situations because you have lived. You aren't just a bag a bones, you're a hell of a meat packet full of experience and emotion. Experience shapes us. 

If you let go of something, let it go and move forward. If you can't let go, sit back and think about why, because its probably something to do with YOU. In this life YOU are 10% what happens to you and 90% the way you react from it. I've made some hard decisions in my life, some i am still working toward moving forward with today but my life is about ME and what i want as much as it is about everyone else around you. It's okay to be a little selfish and keep YOU happy before trying to make everyone else happy. I've said this often and ill say it again because in reality Bukowski knew what was what. 

"Some people never go crazy, what truly horrible lives they must lead!" -- Bukowski. 

"Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and think 'i'm not going to make it' - and then you laugh inside, remembering all the times you've felt this way." -- Bukowski.

In this life we are going to make mistakes and go a little crazy, be a little silly, fall in love too quickly and then be afraid of what the next steps going to be but one things certain, it's my life, and i wanna give it a dam good go. 

Not closed eyes, eyes wide open! I will look life in the face and say 'COME AT ME BRO'.

Live a little, stop being so serious, and laugh. We can do this!

Until the stars fall,

JP xx

Projects, projects full steam ahead!

I made a promise to myself i would write more posts in this blog the past month. I promised i would divulge to my readers (the few you may be) more details regarding my intermittent blogging absence. Why i make promises like that, i'm not sure, because another month is nearly over and do you know how many details are in just one month? Of course you do, you're living beings just as i am doing what we do best day to day: living. Well there are lots of details i can tell you thats happened over the past few weeks and yet again i sit here staring at a dam blank screen. What's the point you may ask? Come on, let us in on your rock bottom my subconscious chimes. I mean, that's what i want to know when i'm reading other peoples blogs. I peruse the posts and pages and i'm thinking "okay, get to the point," and "whats the bottom line here?"

I have four projects currently underway!

1. My new website. As a budding writer I have always wanted to write articles for my very own website, so i have created a brand spanking new blog where i am the creator and author. I will discuss more details about this later, and when everything is set up and ready for public scrutiny, i will post the link on here.

2. Time Management. Time management has not always been a main priority of mine, however, since i currently have a few projects underway, such as this blog, finding a job, studying, working for my brother etc. i have found a new way to manage my time. I have been using a diary all year but have also just started using a daily tasks day planner to write down what i'd like to achieve in the day and then prioritise these tasks by giving them a number. At the end of the task i mark a tick or cross under the 'completed' box. I also devote specific time frames to those tasks.

3. Scrapbooking. I have found a fabulous way to be creative and also keep my mind busy. The days are flying by.  Yes, its scrapbooking. After all my years of dance training i have so many photos its hard to choose which ones to use half the time but i like being creative and innovative and doing something different. I have a dance album to complete, and an album of myself from 1 to 21.

4. Finding and cooking (or baking) healthy recipes. I have a newfound joy in cooking and baking and love trying different recipes and creative healthier versions.

And lastly, studying. Thats self explanatory.

I am also helping my brother out with his business selling websites for small to medium sized businesses that are optimised for mobile. I am a busy girl, keeping my mind occupied, staying up late writing and putting together content for my website. Its nice to keep the mind busy in a calm and stable environment. Not only is it relaxing, but is what i am using as a coping mechanism or better termed a coping strategy to help me deal with my boyfriend being away working a lot. I believe this is proactive coping, as its a coping response aimed to head off a future stressor. In psychology, coping is expending conscious effort to solve personal and interpersonal problems, and seeking to master or minimise and tolerate stress. So far, so good.

I have a throbbing headache and my eyes are struggling to stay open. There are many exciting things to look forward to over the next 6 months but im still counting down the days, as always. One day at a time and i'll see you when im looking at you smeff.

Until the stars fall,

JP x

When life gives you lemons...

...you just add a bit of carrot, beetroot, celery, apple and a knuckle of ginger, whizz it together and drink the shit out of it cos taste good yo and gives you a healthy boost to start the day off saturating your cells with goodness.

This is one of those images with a quote that you stumble across one day whilst perusing random crap on someones facebook page, that makes you stop and read it twice over, and then for a hat trick. It just resonates with you, deep within your soul and you understand completely the meaning behind truly appreciating what you have in your life and the people you've been so fortunate to meet. Whether it be for the short-term or long-term and whether they came into your life only for a season to teach you a lesson, the love we hold in our hearts for the people we were so fortunate to bond with (our families, friendships and relationships) really does last forever, and loving the human race, our earth is so important. We are only on this beautiful planet for the blink of an eye and we get so caught up in the moment, you let the stresses of life and the abundance of societal pressure get you down and make you feel you should be doing things differently, but in reality, like an old friend said to me tonight "you create your own happiness." At the moment, i've done another cycle and i've just applied for a job at the world of sea, (Sea world) and although it seems I'm going backwards, i believe working at a company you've already experienced can be a good thing. I have a renewed interest and i'd be working in a different department and i believe i possess the necessary skills and attributes for the job i've applied and i thought 'what the heck', so why not? So that i shall wait and hopefully get a response soon, otherwise i would love to volunteer at australia zoo again for two weeks. And in all honesty, i feel like now is the best time to move to Melbourne and do what i have always wanted to do, and just live and work there for a year. What a marvellous change of scenery it would be. I just love the culture, the nightlife and the food and i'd get to see more of my half brother. My life isn't stagnant, but i'm at the stage where i have an opportunity to make a life for myself and set up a nest somewhere. I'm 23 years old, and i just want to get out and explore a different city in Australia. Melbourne would be perfect.

I feel life has given me a whole lotta lemons of late and i've just got to take it for what it is. But i wanna be happy, not unhappy, and get out and experience new places and things. It's like im stuck here though, and it isn't a bad thing but at 23, nearly 24, i should be out on my own meeting people, going to classes, just having some fun with the girls, doing my pole dancing classes and getting fit. I think since i've quit my job, im going to have to go for a drive to the sunny coast or to byron and just hang out for a day or two, get up the mountain and head into the bush. Do things that make me happy with people that are my friends and fun to be around. People that know me and understand me.

This weeks goals

ONE: drink more water!

TWO: keep juicing it up.

THREE: bush walk.

FOUR: Ride my bicycle in Byron Bay.

FIVE: Organise an MRI for that stinkin annoying hip!

SIX: smile, paint, laugh, stay up all night and drink red wine.

JP x

Talking about a Revolution

It's like that feeling of bliss you have, as you sit cross legged in front of an open fire place, with only the sound of the crackle of the wood burning and whispering only slightly in your ears as you sip a warm english breakfast tea. It's a cold evening.  The warmth of the heat the fire exudes toward your body envelopes you like an invisible blanket, snuggling you up and wrapping you up from the inside out. Your eyes twinkle as you stare into the orange lit fire bursting each flame higher as the crackles spark a movement upwards and heat emits towards your palms turned upward and a smile is drawn across your face, ear to ear as they say.  A smile that brings comfort from deep inside your soul. A comfort you crave. If only this feeling lasted a lifetime. It's something special, rare and pure. It brings to light the meaning of life itself, to not search for happiness, or convince yourself to be a certain someone or live a certain way, but to enjoy the moment for what it is there and then, because these little moments string together and form the big moments in our lives, the ones we remember, the memories we share and the wisdom to help us on our journey forward through this big, magical world. A journey that is so unique to everyone elses but all in all the same, because we are all in this together, and each trial and tribulation or emotional upheaveal we face, we get through it, and everything is always okay. 

I believe that i will make a change for myself, and each step i've taken will only lead to bigger and greater things. It's nice to have a message that says "i believe in you". When others see you for who you are, and know what you are capable of, those little messages of endearment and encouragement mean so much more than just "i believe in you", it means "i can see you for who you are and all the mighty things you are bound for in this world, so look at yourself and believe them too because i believe in you, and you should believe in you too." But as we know, it is not always easy to build yourself up when you feel broken. And a little support goes along way. 

MY LIFE AS I KNOW IT.

I've had my heart broken and i've given up when i thought all was lost. 

I've had no will, when there was always a way to make things better.

I've let people get the better of me and take me for granted, and then not given enough.

I've given all of myself to someone in one instance, and then not given enough to another.

I've broken a heart, (or two) 

I've listened when i shouldn't have, and i went ahead without thinking.

Then i listened too much, (and felt my ship was sinking)

I didn't believe, and lost hope.

I had too much hope and lost belief.

I learnt to trust and gave my heart and soul.

The trust was broken when love was not enough.

I wore sunscreen and took the stairs not the elevator.

I drank water and wine by the bottle!

I lost a friend and gained another.

Twas my footprints kissing the sand one way or another.

To the north and to the south, i travelled east and west.

I found apart of me, deep in my soul im free, however to where is the rest of me? (With these feet in my shoes we'll see).

I'll let you in on a little secret, i'm not the most perfect girl. But imperfect is most perfect in an ever changing world.

Now the action steps up a gear as we have graduated to a whole new level. From last August to now, a lot has changed and my frustrations are piling up. Everyday things are getting better, and i'm getting better, but the distance is hard, the limited time sucks. The jobs frustrating (yet all workplaces are) and there's only two ways it can go. To see the positivity in all and bring to life the old. To stretch and sweat and eat my broccoli and get in touch with the world. I deserve to feel valued and respected and appreciated for me (we all do) not a nuisance and frustration, thats not where i want to be. If only people were a little less self centred, and more sensitive to others. Show the people you care about how they make you feel, because words are nothing more than words on a page if actions don't follow as well. I yearn to laugh uncontrollably, be cheeky, fun and spontaneous. To kiss ever so passionately and be held so tight you just don't want to let go. To feel that feeling of bursting happiness, like a flame is alive inside of you. To feel like i'm a priority and not that you ring me or text me because you have to, but because you want to. I mean no matter who it is, family, friends, your lovers, just value the people in your life and show them they are important. Make them feel number one and apart of you and like you are proud to have them in your life. Not separate it, and do things on your own accord. Just be together. Things in your life aren't always going to be good. I know this, but i don't want to settle. I almost want to study again so i can be in a classroom and have an intelligent conversation about anything, i yearn for just a good, bloody conversation. A walk on the beach in the moonlight. A cup of baskins choc chip cookie dough ice cream listening to the world. 

Our lives can be electric if we wish it. And this is a revolution.

Until the stars fall, JP xx