Create Some Sunshine

Finally a cooler day at last! I was getting so tired of the heat and feeling sweaty, i've been waiting for this rain to come for days, and finally, the weather has cooled down. I woke up this morning just after 5am, got myself ready and waited to drop my friend off at Pacific Fair for work. Headed home (traffics a breeze at that time of the morning) and once i arrived home, headed inside and jumped on my bed but could not get to sleep. I fired up my laptop and began searching for jobs. Considering my study plans are on hold for this year i'd love to get a job, get working and get a steady, regular income coming in so i can pay my bills, give back the money i owe to my mum, catch up on rent i've missed and save for a car. Damn my grandpa car Harry. Im not kidding, it's literally a grandpa car. I drive a 1998 Ford Fairmont that i've had a fair few years now and its got its dings, dints and scratches all over. I have one tinted window from when i feel asleep driving and crashed into a light post, and my passenger side mirror hit into the window and it smashed all over me. From sitting in the salt air at Seaworld for over three years the paints peeling pretty badly, it needs a service, the air con needs fixing, and the interior roofing has fallen pretty low but i refuse to spend money on what it looks like at the moment. Im adamant ill have a new one soon!

I spent the morning bumming around the house watching one tree hill and listening to music trying to unlock some hidden inspiration. Made some pancakes for breakfast and had them with some fresh grapes and frozen mixed berries. I went to the plaza and bought some groceries (do you ever feel like you just live your life at a shopping centre?!) feel like im there all the time, but anyway, i got a spray tan so it looks like i've been down at the beach everyday. Thats sun makeup. I just needed to feel good about myself; my body. Okay, so you're probably thinking theres nothing wrong with my body but all human beings don't like something about their own bodies, and no matter what anyone says to you you can't switch off what you think. I wish i could see myself how others saw me.

Spending some time to myself today has really got me thinking though. Thinking about the way i've been the past few years, the beliefs i've held, the goals i had and so on. I guess today was quite simply introspective. This year its time to make a difference and be the change. I just want to get outside more and head to places i've never been before, and see something new. Right now my dreams are waking up and ive realised that theres no point sitting back and wishing/waiting, you have to get up and just do something. Because doing something opens doors to the unexpected and who knows what can come from it.

The ups and downs already experienced this year is only the beginning. Relationships have broken apart around me and new friendships have been formed. I can't promise that anything will go according to plan but i can promise that i'll always be there for my family and friends. I don't have a large circle of friends. I don't need it, but what i do have is the best family i know and a best friend that i care about so much. She's been through her own ups and downs this year and all i want to do is be there for her like she has always been for me. Having a great friendship takes time to build and i love her so much, i honestly don't know what id do without her. I trust her, because she forces me to examine, and encourages me to grow. We give each other the freedom to be ourselves and appreciate one another for who we are, no matter what mistakes we make.

You know sometimes strangers are just friends waiting to happen