Life is an eternal quest about knowing oneself. Don't be afraid to explore, dream and discover for what lies beyond our front doors is a world of adventure, discovery and meaning. If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place. For the moment, this is the stage i'm at in my life. I've been closely in and out of this stage since may 2007 but will do everything in my power to move forward, explore and exude passion and enthusiasm in everything i do. The world moves in mysterious ways and the best things in life are spontaneously unexpected, gloriously overwhelming and put simply, unforeseen. As i've said earlier, each little step turns into one leap forward and slowly, each day i am achieving this. Sure, there's always setbacks and hurdles we need to overcome but if we change our frame of mind and see them as challenges, then it's possible to overcome these.
My goal in life is to live everything i do with passion and excitement. I aim to be generous and warmhearted, creative and enthusiastic, broad-minded and expansive, faithful and loving. At times i'm moody, intolerable, independent, ambitious, open, erratic and so on, but i believe in myself and i believe that anything is possible.
As Henry Ford once said: "Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realise this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching forward." I couldn't have said it better myself. Our minds thrive on challenges and therefore build our 'life experience' database, so in the future we can offer advice to those in need and nurture our children. We are all imperfect, living in an imperfect world and these setbacks teach us how important motivation, courage and bravery is. Just like with our emotions, if we didn't experience sadness, grief and the such we wouldn't appreciate the times when we are happy.
Each day my aim is to learn something new whether it be about the world, a particular animal, about myself or family etc i want to be able to go to sleep knowing i gained a little more knowledge and wisdom to add to my 'database.' Each week i've decided to challenge myself with something new to keep my mind open and try different things. This week was to begin a consistent regime of pilates, yoga and modern jive. It is only wednesday but success so far. As the weather heats up swimming at least twice a week for 30mins will be on the agenda to help ease my asthma and it is on the way to work so why not. Each month i aim to move closer towards paying off my credit card debt and inch by inch move closer towards saving for Cairns, Egypt, England and whatever else takes my fancy. Each year i aim to stand tall and be proud of everything i not only accomplished but gained and learned along the way. To stand with my family and loved ones and know that that particular year was something special. In 5 years? I'll have a finished degree, be healthy and fit, a confident yoga teacher and achieved ultimate stillness. Life isn't a fairytale, and we write our own paths based on our wants and needs, and i'm determined to create and be blessed with a fairytale ending: a happy family.
There is nothing more wonderful, than what it feels like to be in the presence of such beauty, wisdom and grace.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
When we reminisce...
As we fulfill our day to day duties, its interesting to note just how quickly time seems to pass us by, yet if we look back on our past even if its only a time frame such as 2months, it seems so long ago, when really it's not. October last year my ex and i ended our relationship. I moved home, he stayed and paid on with the rent until finally he could move out, and we continued on with our own lives. It feels a lifetime ago that we were together even though it's just under a year. Since then, so many different events have occurred, friends have come and gone, multi-hire job positions started/finished, a myriad of different schedules, needs, wants and the such. One year really isn't that long, but when you string it all out in front of you in a time line, and look back on everything you've learnt, achieved, gained and lost, wow... time does fly! This kind of reflection on my past year has made me realise that life is long if you know how to use it and most importantly that we don't need to rush things in life. If we slow down and take things at our own pace, we can appreciate life's intricacies and how beautiful developing a friendship or a relationship is. Everyone comes from a different background, we all have our different stories, experiences, wants, goals, desires etc. and to understand each other means understanding each persons individual emotional needs. We must build and gain trust between one another.
It takes two to tango, so in a relationship it's not one way or the other but two roads merging into one, understanding one another, compromising, being supportive and being there through thick and thin. There's always a little fear, excitement and that youthful naivety when meeting someone new so embrace it, you never know where it could lead you. Our past experiences with relationships give us an idea as to what we want for our future relationships, whether it be just a friendship, a life long friend or a new partner. Our feelings lead us down some crazy and unusual paths however its those spontaneous, unexpected feelings that take you by surprise, your off guard, vulnerable and not ready: or so you think. Apart of you may still be hurting from our past experiences but you aim to look forward and not let it affect your future. It's hard to adjust to different circumstances when you were once so used to waking up and seeing that person every morning, to closing your eyes at night to their face and feeling their warm breath on your neck. When you catch up with past partners sometimes those 'old feelings' come back as they say, however, perhaps it's simply a reminiscing of a time in your life where you were happy and it felt right at that time. But what about when you ended it? As difficult and sad as it was saying goodbye to someone you once loved so dearly, it was the right thing to do also. At the time of breakup and a few weeks after, months even, you miss them, you want to go back, you don't want to feel trapped again, your unsure if your thinking clearly whilst your head is clouded by your emotions and a myriad of phrases your mind mulls over makes you think twice. 6 months down the track you know you made the right choice, and you knew you were going to get over it. If something doesn't feel right, don't get stuck in a rut and go with your heart but don't let your emotions cloud your judgment. Everybody hurts, however, its times like these your taught an invaluable lesson: never give up on what you truly believe in, trust your instincts and be true to yourself.
It was a long and dark December 2009: I drank a lot of rum, didn't eat properly, was vulnerable, anxious and extremely paranoid; I was confused and lonely, i felt like a little lost soul in a maze of mud, stuck. I didn't know then if i made the right decision, or what i really wanted except that happiness was at the top of the list. I didn't want to feel afraid, i wanted to feel like me. When your in a relationship where you can't be yourself and find it hard to talk about what you really want, it's time to get out. At the moment i'm single and it is easier. I've been reflecting back on my past relationships as i can't help but notice the subtle differences but also the way i felt in them, and how i feel about them now. The different ways they understood me and the kind of person they thought i was. There are so many different things i enjoy that show my passion and excitement for life, and then there were times it was drained out of me and i was walking on eggshells. I've been looking at how this happened, what jumps out at me and illustrates the reasons why. Our minds are like a road map and our emotions even more, but when we look back and know where we were at that stage of our lives, we can grasp onto the things that made us happy and showed us who we really are, and know what got us there in the first place. Our emotions are more than words, because you could be saying one thing, but showing a completely different side of the story. As i grow up i aim to understand my emotions and know where i'm at. I aim to be the person i want to through hard work, dedication but most of all just being me. Open, honest, erratic (still admit it) When im me, im free. When im understanding whats going on in that little mind of mine, well even better.
It takes two to tango, so in a relationship it's not one way or the other but two roads merging into one, understanding one another, compromising, being supportive and being there through thick and thin. There's always a little fear, excitement and that youthful naivety when meeting someone new so embrace it, you never know where it could lead you. Our past experiences with relationships give us an idea as to what we want for our future relationships, whether it be just a friendship, a life long friend or a new partner. Our feelings lead us down some crazy and unusual paths however its those spontaneous, unexpected feelings that take you by surprise, your off guard, vulnerable and not ready: or so you think. Apart of you may still be hurting from our past experiences but you aim to look forward and not let it affect your future. It's hard to adjust to different circumstances when you were once so used to waking up and seeing that person every morning, to closing your eyes at night to their face and feeling their warm breath on your neck. When you catch up with past partners sometimes those 'old feelings' come back as they say, however, perhaps it's simply a reminiscing of a time in your life where you were happy and it felt right at that time. But what about when you ended it? As difficult and sad as it was saying goodbye to someone you once loved so dearly, it was the right thing to do also. At the time of breakup and a few weeks after, months even, you miss them, you want to go back, you don't want to feel trapped again, your unsure if your thinking clearly whilst your head is clouded by your emotions and a myriad of phrases your mind mulls over makes you think twice. 6 months down the track you know you made the right choice, and you knew you were going to get over it. If something doesn't feel right, don't get stuck in a rut and go with your heart but don't let your emotions cloud your judgment. Everybody hurts, however, its times like these your taught an invaluable lesson: never give up on what you truly believe in, trust your instincts and be true to yourself.
It was a long and dark December 2009: I drank a lot of rum, didn't eat properly, was vulnerable, anxious and extremely paranoid; I was confused and lonely, i felt like a little lost soul in a maze of mud, stuck. I didn't know then if i made the right decision, or what i really wanted except that happiness was at the top of the list. I didn't want to feel afraid, i wanted to feel like me. When your in a relationship where you can't be yourself and find it hard to talk about what you really want, it's time to get out. At the moment i'm single and it is easier. I've been reflecting back on my past relationships as i can't help but notice the subtle differences but also the way i felt in them, and how i feel about them now. The different ways they understood me and the kind of person they thought i was. There are so many different things i enjoy that show my passion and excitement for life, and then there were times it was drained out of me and i was walking on eggshells. I've been looking at how this happened, what jumps out at me and illustrates the reasons why. Our minds are like a road map and our emotions even more, but when we look back and know where we were at that stage of our lives, we can grasp onto the things that made us happy and showed us who we really are, and know what got us there in the first place. Our emotions are more than words, because you could be saying one thing, but showing a completely different side of the story. As i grow up i aim to understand my emotions and know where i'm at. I aim to be the person i want to through hard work, dedication but most of all just being me. Open, honest, erratic (still admit it) When im me, im free. When im understanding whats going on in that little mind of mine, well even better.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
She has this dream
She has this dream where she's sitting on the beach in a flowing, white dress, it's pouring down with rain, the air still as the waves crash gently along the shore line. Just sitting...waiting, almost catatonic, for you. If everything could ever feel this real forever, in a breath she would stop time. After all, you do know best. Going nowhere the tears start to fall down her cheeks. A very mad world, she says as she takes another breath. She sits cross legged, playing with the sand, quenching it between her toes, remembering you. She has this dream where she turns around and you walk through the door to her picture frame, her home. There's a bright, yellow sunflower in your hands, and a full moon behind you; stars glitter across the nights sky. Her eyes are open but she can't seem to see you. You're her dream. The rain falls around her, on her, drenching her body and drowning her soul but a look into your eyes sets her free. She knows no one can get to close to touch, to feel what she feels but this dream is so real. You are the one who makes her feel alive, and with you, the man dressed in black has disappeared. No longer is she haunted by the beast. Even if he was a protector, he made her feel fear, anxiety, she couldn't cope. She has this dream where you show up unexpectedly and kiss her gently in the rain. You hold her in the bath, candles lit around the two of you and you kiss her cheek. She has this dream where she wakes up and instead of being trapped in the picture frame on a rainy, cloudy day, she opens her eyes to you. She has this dream where she escapes to another realm.
sunday session
People are all the same, no matter where you go and each day i come to realise just how important my family means to me, through thick and thin, they will always be there for you. I have been enjoying work lately, except it's still very difficult at times. When talking to someone, its rude to have your back to them, and mumble under your breath. Well, at least, this is what i learnt growing up. Recently, i was told that the 'Jodie i knew and grew close to and was good friends with isn't the Jodie i know now.' Maybe that's because the Jodie you know now is the one that keeps to herself, because she can't talk to you like she used to, so keeps things deep in her heart. She confides in her mum, and confides in the predicament, because he makes her feel alive and has always been there for her. The Jodie 'now' has grown to realise that her and Georges friendship will never be the same, so has created a distance from him. Already it's uncomfortable and its true, i do enjoy work more without him simply because i don't feel like i've done something wrong. When he is there, not looking at me when speaking to me, keeping a rigid stance, rarely making eye contact but talking to others, it makes me feel uncomfortable so of course i'm going to enjoy it more when he isn't there. But when he is there, i'm excited to see him because we were once so very close, but straight away it doesn't feel right, like as soon as i walk in the door, i've done something wrong. So him rarely talking to me, creating a distance at work, makes it worse. Jodie can't talk to you and confide in you like she used to, because she knows you don't want to hear it. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, so i'm not going to openly share everything with everyone. The person i should be sharing it with is who i'm developing not only a close friendship, but a relationship with.
I am happy and feeling like me. There's more dancing, yoga, exercising, hanging out with old friends, coffee, seeing my family, enjoying actually coming home, writing and learning, reading and the list goes on. I've never tried to be anyone else. I'm happy... sometimes at work i don't seem happy, because it always seems so difficult to get along. Oh and another thing making me feel like me, my dammed sore throat! If only removing tonsils meant removing sore throats forever...
A good friend of mine once told a story about a little raindrop, which is he. He is enthusiastic in everything he does, is confident being him, and just like the little raindrop has overcome obstacles and doubt... come out on top, living his life with energy and passion. Check it out: http://stringsandstripes.blogspot.com/
Someday i hope to achieve this same goal, living life with energy and passion in everything i do. Since my asthma attack i can't dive, not anytime soon anyway. But i can snorkel, and enjoy the coral reefs closer to the surface. It also brought me back to yoga, because with deep inhalations i can control it. We are in control of our lives, don't ever think you're not. I'm strong, capable, flexible and can adapt to change and i will succeed. This is a challenge that i willingly accept, although i'm cautious, anxious and a little afraid, sometimes that brings out the best in us.
J.P.S
...and PS: it's the way he makes you feel. It's the way he kisses you. It's the way he holds you before you go to sleep at night, and what he whispers when you wake up.
He'll stare at you and tell you how happy you make him. It's that feeling your feeling when you want to keep feeling it. Happiness is never stopping to think if you are, but am i happy? Yes.
I am happy and feeling like me. There's more dancing, yoga, exercising, hanging out with old friends, coffee, seeing my family, enjoying actually coming home, writing and learning, reading and the list goes on. I've never tried to be anyone else. I'm happy... sometimes at work i don't seem happy, because it always seems so difficult to get along. Oh and another thing making me feel like me, my dammed sore throat! If only removing tonsils meant removing sore throats forever...
A good friend of mine once told a story about a little raindrop, which is he. He is enthusiastic in everything he does, is confident being him, and just like the little raindrop has overcome obstacles and doubt... come out on top, living his life with energy and passion. Check it out: http://stringsandstripes.blogspot.com/
Someday i hope to achieve this same goal, living life with energy and passion in everything i do. Since my asthma attack i can't dive, not anytime soon anyway. But i can snorkel, and enjoy the coral reefs closer to the surface. It also brought me back to yoga, because with deep inhalations i can control it. We are in control of our lives, don't ever think you're not. I'm strong, capable, flexible and can adapt to change and i will succeed. This is a challenge that i willingly accept, although i'm cautious, anxious and a little afraid, sometimes that brings out the best in us.
J.P.S
...and PS: it's the way he makes you feel. It's the way he kisses you. It's the way he holds you before you go to sleep at night, and what he whispers when you wake up.
He'll stare at you and tell you how happy you make him. It's that feeling your feeling when you want to keep feeling it. Happiness is never stopping to think if you are, but am i happy? Yes.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
..today's playlist..
Sometimes when the world sends us spinning, we want to do nothing more than drop into an easy chair and stare into space. But this approach often gives the brain free rein to continue its obsessive and agitated thinking. And, if obtaining peace of mind was as easy as telling ourselves to relax when we feel agitated, we'd all be walking around in a cocooned, blissful state. After many weeks of wanting to get back to a yoga class and putting it off with meaningless excuses, this morning i felt ready for an hour and a half class starting at 6am. My hips felt tight, my mind wandered, i was anxious about my breathing but tried to control my mind to focus on my breath and my ligaments took longer than usual to loosen, but nonetheless after the class i felt energised and ready to begin the day. I woke up at about ten to 5, so instead of trying to fall asleep again, in which id probably sleep past my alarm, i rose out of bed, showered and headed to class. I miss the way my body feels after strengthening and lengthening, and since i'm so used to getting up early now, i might as well start my day with exercise so after work i can focus on other things.
Yoga music is soothing, calming and definitely relaxing. During relaxation, the instructor came around and sprayed an antioxidant mist over us, and gave us a mini head massage. The relaxation part of yoga allows the breath to resonate with the rest of our bodies and become neutral. After heading home, it was breakfast, another shower and a trip to Ella Bache for a much needed facial, more relaxing music and a head massage. My face feels so smooth and supple, nice! Home, then out to the casino with mum to see 'Burn the Floor' - absolutely amazing! It makes you want to jump out of your seat and book in some latin classes. Very talented dancers from a variety of different countries and two amazing singers. Its great to go to a show where the talent shines out of each and every individual including of course the musicians. Now i'm even more excited about modern jive on friday.
This week didn't begin as well as i hoped, but has sure ended up to be a really good week. Days off from work always help and dinner at Hard Rock cafe with a pretty spunky guy, well that always turns things around. Just one thing, so much meat! Okay, now i had chicken fajitas (wraps) with chicken breast but there is no way i can eat chicken wings or ribs etc, the thought of eating meat off a bone makes me feel sick in the stomach. Maybe because i know its an animal? Do i want to be a vegetarian for the harm done to animals in the food process, yes. But i know my body more than ever needs some iron, and meat is meant to be eaten. Free range eggs, anyone? You know, we have a lot of fun together and Its great to meet someone you can be yourself with straight away, who knows everything about you, and doesn't judge you. Who doesn't look at your tattoos and assumes you do drugs, because anyone who knows me would understand i have never and will never touch anything. I'm a free spirit - i love tattoos, piercings, rum, yoga, my classical guitar, (still learning to play better) ballet, Stevie Wonder, One Tree Hill and the list goes on. But drugs for me, definitely not. Unfold me, breathe me for what i am.
Instead of losing myself again, i'm finding myself falling into the path of stillness. I feel safe, relaxed and like me. Most of all, i feel really happy. Remember that thing called 'attitude'... hmmm. me to!
Yoga music is soothing, calming and definitely relaxing. During relaxation, the instructor came around and sprayed an antioxidant mist over us, and gave us a mini head massage. The relaxation part of yoga allows the breath to resonate with the rest of our bodies and become neutral. After heading home, it was breakfast, another shower and a trip to Ella Bache for a much needed facial, more relaxing music and a head massage. My face feels so smooth and supple, nice! Home, then out to the casino with mum to see 'Burn the Floor' - absolutely amazing! It makes you want to jump out of your seat and book in some latin classes. Very talented dancers from a variety of different countries and two amazing singers. Its great to go to a show where the talent shines out of each and every individual including of course the musicians. Now i'm even more excited about modern jive on friday.
This week didn't begin as well as i hoped, but has sure ended up to be a really good week. Days off from work always help and dinner at Hard Rock cafe with a pretty spunky guy, well that always turns things around. Just one thing, so much meat! Okay, now i had chicken fajitas (wraps) with chicken breast but there is no way i can eat chicken wings or ribs etc, the thought of eating meat off a bone makes me feel sick in the stomach. Maybe because i know its an animal? Do i want to be a vegetarian for the harm done to animals in the food process, yes. But i know my body more than ever needs some iron, and meat is meant to be eaten. Free range eggs, anyone? You know, we have a lot of fun together and Its great to meet someone you can be yourself with straight away, who knows everything about you, and doesn't judge you. Who doesn't look at your tattoos and assumes you do drugs, because anyone who knows me would understand i have never and will never touch anything. I'm a free spirit - i love tattoos, piercings, rum, yoga, my classical guitar, (still learning to play better) ballet, Stevie Wonder, One Tree Hill and the list goes on. But drugs for me, definitely not. Unfold me, breathe me for what i am.
Instead of losing myself again, i'm finding myself falling into the path of stillness. I feel safe, relaxed and like me. Most of all, i feel really happy. Remember that thing called 'attitude'... hmmm. me to!
Monday, September 20, 2010
I dont wear my heart on my sleeve...
I don't wear my Heart on my sleeve, I just tell it how it is.
I need my personal space, privacy and trust.
I listen to my gut instincts and follow what I believe in.
I'm not afraid to get hurt.
I don't believe that everything happens for a reason, we are in control of our own lives.
I believe people should take a step back and look at what's going on in their own lives before getting involved in everyone elses.
Love isn't a losing game, it's a journey that results at times into a battlefield.
When two people are interested in one another, others shouldn't pressure them into something they aren't ready for: because, at the end of the day, the relationship you build is between you and the other person, set on your terms. Who cares about the 'norm' as long as your both happy and comfortable, right?
I'm myself in a world full of hatred, longing, violence, corruption, love, envy, jealousy, confusion, narcissism, curiosity, acceptance and the list goes on. This is our world. I try to be myself as best I can be. But life constantly puts up walls to test us as individuals, our boundaries, and to ask us to demonstrate if we have learnt from our past. For you i've fallen and i'm anxious about tonight. I need to tell him something but its too hard in a text message, and no, it's not that. Really guys, way to soon! But it's something else i need to explain to him about me, and i just hope i can find the right words to express it properly, and that he will make sense of what i'm saying. Some conversations are easier than others, and tonight will be interesting. For sure, i'll be left feeling vulnerable, again, but with hope he understands.
Im looking forward to these next two days off! Ill be walking Jenna in the rain (she does love it), exercising, catching up with my daddio, and sorting out some university stuff for next year - Fingers crossed its smooth sailing. And of course, i'll be finishing off some things i've made, practicing an old song on my classical guitar (i've got to get this down before i see cat boy again...) and watching Heroes, or Smallville... whatever takes my fancy! Ill be heading back up to Australia Zoo again soon for some more volunteering days. Yes, more poop scooping but it's so worth it, and learning manual. I guess some things are looking up!
I need my personal space, privacy and trust.
I listen to my gut instincts and follow what I believe in.
I'm not afraid to get hurt.
I don't believe that everything happens for a reason, we are in control of our own lives.
I believe people should take a step back and look at what's going on in their own lives before getting involved in everyone elses.
Love isn't a losing game, it's a journey that results at times into a battlefield.
When two people are interested in one another, others shouldn't pressure them into something they aren't ready for: because, at the end of the day, the relationship you build is between you and the other person, set on your terms. Who cares about the 'norm' as long as your both happy and comfortable, right?
I'm myself in a world full of hatred, longing, violence, corruption, love, envy, jealousy, confusion, narcissism, curiosity, acceptance and the list goes on. This is our world. I try to be myself as best I can be. But life constantly puts up walls to test us as individuals, our boundaries, and to ask us to demonstrate if we have learnt from our past. For you i've fallen and i'm anxious about tonight. I need to tell him something but its too hard in a text message, and no, it's not that. Really guys, way to soon! But it's something else i need to explain to him about me, and i just hope i can find the right words to express it properly, and that he will make sense of what i'm saying. Some conversations are easier than others, and tonight will be interesting. For sure, i'll be left feeling vulnerable, again, but with hope he understands.
Im looking forward to these next two days off! Ill be walking Jenna in the rain (she does love it), exercising, catching up with my daddio, and sorting out some university stuff for next year - Fingers crossed its smooth sailing. And of course, i'll be finishing off some things i've made, practicing an old song on my classical guitar (i've got to get this down before i see cat boy again...) and watching Heroes, or Smallville... whatever takes my fancy! Ill be heading back up to Australia Zoo again soon for some more volunteering days. Yes, more poop scooping but it's so worth it, and learning manual. I guess some things are looking up!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Believe in yourself, anything is possible.
E.E Cummings once said: "once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit."
As a young female in this world, i cant help but look at myself in the mirror and picture my legs being 3x the size they are, or my tummy being larger than what it is, however, surprisingly enough, i noticed something different. As i exercised in front of the mirror i started to feel better about how i looked. Physical activity releases endorphins, and watching myself exercise really helped to change my perspective. I could see my muscles working and my ligaments pulling and loosening through each stretch. It's only one small step, but it's going to take a long time to eventually be happy with the way i look. My friends instill confidence in me always and i'm grateful to have them around me. At work we wear wetsuits (most of the time depending on the weather) and i'm always so self conscious in them. I just want to relax.
Today was the first day of being permanent part-time in my line of work. It has been a long time coming, as i was offered it months ago but it took time for me to make the decision. It's stability, and definitely what i need right now. No new years day to celebrate, no chocolate covered candy hearts to give away but a smile across my face. A burst of spring but what it is, is something true: just another ordinary day, but a good day nonetheless. At the moment i'm just having a rest from playing my guitar and singing to Mondo Rocks, come said the boy.. Since Friday night, all i want to do is play guitar, sing, paint and dance. I guess i'm trying to bring out the lionesses creative side and unleash my madness. I exercised after work today, did some strength training and stretching for my flexibility, ate the best dinner in a long time (veggies) scrumptious! and hung out with my animals. I'm still getting headaches but i think its the change in diet... so i'm going to be persistent and see what happens over the next few months. It is times like these when i start to feel settled emotionally that i look back and reflect on the year so far.
Sometimes we think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring. What our lives really need is patience, stillness and less erratic behaviour that leads to stress and anxiety. A great group of friends to help us when we are in need and honesty. I can't fathom the thought of not being honest. Some people find it difficult to say sorry; it seems to be one of the hardest words but when we accept our mistakes and face the truth, courage and bravery pull us through and in the end, you will always feel better with yourself for being honest. If i had one last wish, it would be that people are honest with me. I'm not perfect and i miss the youthfulness and naivety of being a young child. Now i've grown up, things have changed but we need to remember the youthful enthusiasm and ability to believe without doubt, like we did once before. (thanks dork:P) To conquer our all requires patience, persistence, dedication and most of all passion. In the morning we wake up to a new day, so grasp it with passion and enthusiasm, because its then we become unstoppable.
and PS: i miss you
As a young female in this world, i cant help but look at myself in the mirror and picture my legs being 3x the size they are, or my tummy being larger than what it is, however, surprisingly enough, i noticed something different. As i exercised in front of the mirror i started to feel better about how i looked. Physical activity releases endorphins, and watching myself exercise really helped to change my perspective. I could see my muscles working and my ligaments pulling and loosening through each stretch. It's only one small step, but it's going to take a long time to eventually be happy with the way i look. My friends instill confidence in me always and i'm grateful to have them around me. At work we wear wetsuits (most of the time depending on the weather) and i'm always so self conscious in them. I just want to relax.
Today was the first day of being permanent part-time in my line of work. It has been a long time coming, as i was offered it months ago but it took time for me to make the decision. It's stability, and definitely what i need right now. No new years day to celebrate, no chocolate covered candy hearts to give away but a smile across my face. A burst of spring but what it is, is something true: just another ordinary day, but a good day nonetheless. At the moment i'm just having a rest from playing my guitar and singing to Mondo Rocks, come said the boy.. Since Friday night, all i want to do is play guitar, sing, paint and dance. I guess i'm trying to bring out the lionesses creative side and unleash my madness. I exercised after work today, did some strength training and stretching for my flexibility, ate the best dinner in a long time (veggies) scrumptious! and hung out with my animals. I'm still getting headaches but i think its the change in diet... so i'm going to be persistent and see what happens over the next few months. It is times like these when i start to feel settled emotionally that i look back and reflect on the year so far.
Sometimes we think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring. What our lives really need is patience, stillness and less erratic behaviour that leads to stress and anxiety. A great group of friends to help us when we are in need and honesty. I can't fathom the thought of not being honest. Some people find it difficult to say sorry; it seems to be one of the hardest words but when we accept our mistakes and face the truth, courage and bravery pull us through and in the end, you will always feel better with yourself for being honest. If i had one last wish, it would be that people are honest with me. I'm not perfect and i miss the youthfulness and naivety of being a young child. Now i've grown up, things have changed but we need to remember the youthful enthusiasm and ability to believe without doubt, like we did once before. (thanks dork:P) To conquer our all requires patience, persistence, dedication and most of all passion. In the morning we wake up to a new day, so grasp it with passion and enthusiasm, because its then we become unstoppable.
and PS: i miss you
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