Happiness depends upon ourselves

Bill Cosby once said: "decide that you want it, more than your afraid of it." This is easier said than done. I headed to the beach this afternoon after a very hot day with the boyfriend and couldn't head into the water past my knees. Put simply, i'm afraid. My boyfriend laughed at this but i've been frightened for along time now, and laughing doesn't make it easier. I shrugged it off as he headed off into the waves almost frolicking about, but as i stand watching the waves crash down onto the sand, i feel anxiousness as nerves twist their way through my stomach and my breath shortens. "I'm more afraid of the waves than going skydiving," i said. "You know it's illogical to be afraid of that over skydiving, i bet you won't say that when the doors open and your about to jump out," he said. "I know i'm a goose, i blame my dad." (Sorry dad but i do) The ocean is a dangerous place for marine turtles, therefore its dangerous for me. I'm kidding i know i shouldn't be afraid and i will face my fears, as long as i have supportive people around me who help me through it. The asthma thing makes me nervous, but considering i jogged for 20minutes two weeks ago, i know i can do this and i will fight it.

It was great spending the afternoon with someone who constantly makes me smile. He was working hard, had a move from Brisbane to the coast so i showed up with 'v' in tow waiting for him to finish so i could grab him and kiss him. Who doesn't like a sweaty man working hard? And a man who gets so distracted by you that he locks his keys in his truck. "Better luck next time." Lucky for us my RACQ membership got us through and the guy let us off the hook. The truck was easier to break into than my ford apparently.

I do love this feeling and i love seeing my man. I try and enjoy my time with him and not think about the future but rather enjoy what time i do have with him. I know he is excited about leaving and heading off on his adventure around the states, i mean what he is about to do is unreal, but i don't want to hear about it all the time. Considering he is embarking on a relationship with me yet i do understand he is leaving, i just can't be without him. Looks like we will just have to wait and see what happens.

I'm an honest person and i say how i feel. It would be great if we lived closer together and its interesting the timing he has coming into my life. At the moment, he's the best thing i have besides the most beautiful girl friends i'm so fortunate to have and my loving family. I don't know, its just different and i don't have the brain power to describe the thoughts running through that 21 year old brain of mine. I want to achieve a lot this year and he motivates me to do this. No matter how much i tell myself 'enjoy the now', he is a man worth more than just a fling.