...and it cuts both ways

You know what, i love writing and i miss it so much but considering the past few weeks, i've found it hard to put fingers to keyboard and type away...if that makes sense. I've been carrying around a notebook, to work, to the service station, to the beach or what not, so if i get some inspiration i can write away in a different medium- the natural way. I know this blog has been lacking posts in a while considering how i've been about different situations and circumstances. Firstly, I've found it really hard to make sense of the past 3 weeks of my life - it's been an eye opener in to who my friends really are and what matters most in my life. I'm saddened, confused and angry for letting myself get into this mess knowing in the first place what was going to happen. However, i thought this was going to be different and it definitely feels different. In regards to my stomach pains, instead of getting better, they became worse and harder to cope with when suddenly on Monday i couldn't stand up straight. It felt like someone was stabbing me, i was in tears, confused, frightened and shouldn't have driven home from the predicaments, alone, yet what was i supposed to do? As soon as i got home i collapsed through the sliding door and mum took me to the hospital....4 hours later, i was home. I'm okay, but had the next 3 days off feeling exhausted and generally unwell.

Excited about the next few days with Hard Rock Cafe, seeing old friends and a 50th on Saturday night... something completely unexpected happened. I am saddened, and it hurts, but i understand that when unexpected things happen in your life, you tend to go with the flow and ride the waves to the shore until suddenly, you freak out and need to prioritize on your own life. Unfortunately, people are hurt along the way, but everybody hurts, right? My body was exhausted so my emotions were more vulnerable to the news. The day before i was excited about seeing Flickerswitch at Hard Rock Cafe, but as soon as night rolled around i tried my hardest to be brave, strong, courageous in the face of being hurt. It was pretty difficult. There are so many things i could write about to do with the past 3 weeks but i don't have the emotional energy or drive, and my stomach churns just thinking about it.

I was happy to arrive home this afternoon with a sense of clarity and a crying, little shaggy thing staring at me through the fence; my beautiful dog. She always makes me happy, along with my mum of course and my beautiful friends. I had an awesome night last night just chilling out, drinking (even though i wasn't supposed to due to the antibiotics), singing, dancing ect. It was great, something i definitely needed after the mess i was on Friday and how 'sucky' Friday night was. The band was awesome though. I don't know when my next post will be, i need to take my laptop and go for a drive somewhere and just sit down and focus.

I'm still looking forward to seeing the baby turtle hatchlings at Mon Repos Turtle Rookery, i just don't know who i'm going with now. No Sleep til festival will be awesome, held in brissy, got the next day off from work to recover. As for Cairns and Soundwave... at the moment that's a mystery.