“…and this is the wonder that’s keeping the
stars apart, I carry your heart, (I carry it in my heart).” E.E. Cummings.
Of the many different quotes you find on
websites about life, love, relationships, emotions, integrity, feelings and the
list goes on, this one has stuck with me since I was 15 years old. Edward
Estlin Cummings was a writer, a poet, and an artist. He wrote a poem titled “I
carry your heart” and ever since I read it, the words have struck an endless
chord not only in my heart but my mind about my family and friends and the
people or animal that have meant something to me in my life. It reminds me to
be thankful and grateful for the people you have in your life, and the animals
you have the opportunity to love and care for, the people and animals that
light up every second of the day as the thought of them sweeps through your
mind.
I’ve been spending quite a lot of time
alone lately and with two of my beautiful girlfriends. It’s so hard sometimes
in the busyness of life to get a spare moment to yourself or with your friends
to truly relax and unwind, and since I won’t be here for a while I need to see
them. Right now I feel I’m on a journey to finding more about what I truly love
and myself. Life has been love and loss yet an enlightening journey nonetheless
and since it’s August already of 2012 I’m being selfish and doing more for me.
When you have one shot and one opportunity you need to capture it, and not let
it slip away. I’m trying my best with whatever comes my way, meeting new
people, working on my book (now that’s always fun) and being less cautious and
losing myself. There are always going to be good and bad days, that’s just how
it goes so I’m trying to just go with it and not worry so much about things I
cannot change or do anything about. I can be reckless at times, (I’m getting
better as everything settles down) yet I figure no one really actually gives a
shit about what you do, where you come from and who you’re going to be – I mean
success is the only option but to me there are different kinds of success, and everyone’s
own interpretation of what it means to be successful is different. Although
things aren’t the greatest, I’m not always content with what I’m doing and I
flip out and get anxious and have a panic attack in the middle of the shopping
centre, I am pretty happy with how my life is going but I feel something is
missing. Not to worry though, it is a journey and the next few weeks it will be
nice to just be somewhere different and do some different things a little out
of the ordinary with new people. Strangers are just friends waiting to happen,
and ps: $10 cocktails im in love and pretending I’m a pilot in a big jet plane,
well that’s a given, I love flying if only I could be in the aviation industry.
Until the stars fall…
I told you I had to let go and when you
have time to yourself its always a time to reflect and give yourself some
clarity in your thoughts and regroup. Sometimes I just want to hold you, it’s
been well over a year but I still feel the same and I know time will heal the
scars left from you. Forward is the only direction from here yet it feels like
I’m sitting on a train seat going backward as the train moves forward but
everything rushes past you. There is no ordinary world, for the world was built
to develop character. My imagination, oh what mysteries will you conjure, what
stories will you tell? Shed light upon this darkened night and release me oh
please tell me of the beauty for I see a better face, show me how to dream and
discover my magical place..
JP XX
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