the Unnecessary stillness

Ignite the fire in your heart, embrace it and hold onto the stillness we feel envelope around our bodies. The warmth of the flame encompassing your soul, enlightening your mind, opening your eyes to happiness, freedom and calm. Its the little things that make our lives whole, like saying 'I love you' to a loved one, helping a stranger, the beauty of sunflowers and the smile on an innocent Child's face. I've always appreciated the small intricacies of life; the things that have made me smile. Although it's not always easy to forget the stresses of today and allow them to carry through to tomorrow, we can always stop and appreciate the fact that the sun is shining or to a larger extent, we woke up and we are alive. So even though we hold onto the stillness felt after the storm has passed why does the thunder rumble in the background? Do we ever feel eternally still? It's hard to focus our energy and streamline it into one particular thing or moment when we have so many thoughts running through our minds. These can be related or unrelated, trivial, juvenile, meaningful or meaningless to the task at hand but there's always something we are concerned or worried about. How do we let go? Its that old saying when you grab something, grab it, when you let it go, let it go; it isn't always that simple.

For the past few weeks I've been attending regular body balance, yoga and pilates classes. In these classes we are taught to focus, and let our minds float free from negative thoughts and allow ourselves to focus on our bodies, minds and our soul. When practicing these classes, it's important to note that stress only limits our bodies and neglects to allow them to work to our full extent and what we are truly capable of, so relax, believe and breathe. Body balance Friday was a tough one for me. Its my usual 4:45 class, the best class of the week but i felt anxious and i couldn't let go of my mind like i wanted it to, so instead i focused that energy into my practice and worked as strongly as i could. My balance track has improved greatly and i can easily see where i need improvement. In these classes i'm able to give myself goals to strive for and achieve so that each time  become closer to my goal of eventually becoming a yoga teacher when i'm 25. I did the class, eagerly left and went home, showered - no phone call or text from the boy. A little unusual i thought, but he's been working long hours, 20 hour days i just left him thinking he would be asleep. I got ready for christmas drinks at a friends place across the road, walked into Waxys and the turn out wasn't so great to start with, give it another hour and bam, they slowly started arriving. It was great to see so many different people from the park come, chill out and socialise with people from all the other different departments. I wondered if he was coming, nevertheless he walked up the stairs with a few friends, i approached him and he said "hey, i'm feeling really strange," and walked off. Unnecessary first move? I think so. Then he hardly spoke to me the whole night, ignored me and didn't explain what was going on. As the night was winding down and we were about to leave after lock out, i finally got a chance to talk to him. I didn't want to be that girl that chased him the whole night etc however i was told that someone i know said to him, "we should so totally make out, to make her jealous." Unnecessary... When you don't know the situation two people are in, i think it's uncalled for and plain rude, but some people are like that i guess. I'm just not that kind of person. One girl was after him the whole night and i watched from outside waxys, she threw herself at him. They both looked at me and left and i knew what was happening. Then another one of my friends came out, put his arm around me and told me they were hooking up. Good on them, it's not my business. Apparently he was interested in the girl and this and that but all in all, each to their own, people make their own decisions, i would never tell anyone what to do, I would never yell at someone, people make their own lives.

Spoke to him eventually, won't go to detail on here, but basically i feel saddened by the way he treated me that night, he admitted to me he was a jerk, treated me like shit and feels no emotion for anything whatsoever, more than just me and him. "i'm just meant to be single"- An excuse. I'm always open, honest and not afraid to tell someone what i'm feeling. I go with the flow, sometimes over think things, but this time, i was going with the flow. We spent alot of time together, had our laughs, big nights out and what not but no one deserves to be treated the way he treated me last night. Everyone deserves the truth. I'm not the one that pushed for everything, and for someone to say "i really want you to be my girlfriend, it's just the timing," to ignoring me. That shows me alot about your character.

People move in mysterious ways, and i like to think i'm pretty understanding. Surprisingly i feel pretty good about everything, im happy with myself and the way i look, I'm more confident, again, than i used to be and i'm feeling like me. This is what counts in the end. My family, my friends and whatever makes me happy. Im looking forward to heading down to Byron on Tuesday, spending time with my family over Christmas, enjoying New Years (without a kidney infection) and having fun. Life is 10 per cent what happens and 90 per cent the way we react to it.