Keep the Faith

The more things change, the more we grow, not only as a race but as individuals. Each day we live on this earth we accomplish something great - we survived another day and now have an extra memory to add to our collection or perhaps simply appreciate that this day was stress free, you made a decision, a promise to yourself or relaxed for once. I made a promise to this world i would appreciate the sunshine, the rain and every good or bad moment life throws our way and tell my close ones i love them. Everybody wants something just a little more, so what are we living for? As Bon Jovi says "You could live on the street or rule the entire world...yeah, I'm a dreamer, i still believe, i believe in hope, i believe that change can get us up off our knees..."

You know, i have this friend, let's call him Randolph and I miss him dearly all the time. It felt surreal to hear his voice last week and even though I was in another state, it felt like i was sitting next to him. Hand in hand, i could chat to him all night. He is the epitome of great and I haven't stopped thinking about him. Life leads us on separate paths yet every now and then we connect and it's times like these that make you want to live. Its a shame i don't get to see him anymore, if he was in my bed last night i could easily fall asleep with my head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. You can tell I miss him, huh? He went to his dads funeral last week...I cant imagine how he is feeling, or what thoughts are running through his mind. If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever. Your heart can be empty because you can't see them, or you can be full of the love and the rocking memories you shared. Nevertheless, the death of a loved isn't an easy thing to overcome, it takes time, sometimes years, and Randolph has been so brave, courageous and strong and it makes me proud to see him stand strong in the face of grief. Grief is like the ocean, its bigger and deeper than all of us and when you face it head on, your strength of character grows more than you ever know. 

Things happen in a split second so should we sit in cruise control, or experience what life has to offer? Each situation we come across makes us learn and grow. It teaches us, and prepares us for what's going to happen next. In terms of relationships, George and i are friends again: we re-connected before he went oversees but i still think it might take a little time. I miss our rainy nights on the beach and me falling asleep because he is talking about Formula 1. In regards to Harley, well put simply, he confuses me. He could never be openly honest with me in the first place, and finds it difficult to simply say what's going on. I had so much to give him but felt like a puppet on a string and that i was so very '21' as he says. He sent me a text message to tell me he didn't want anything to do with me either. Courageous huh? It's not even a difficult thing as long as your open and honest, the other person respects that. The predicament sent an sms message as well and was surprised when i was hurt and upset about it. Empathy? Being open and honest to someone's face? A text message, classy boys! Things aren't always black and white, life isn't a bed of roses and sorry seems to be the hardest word, but honesty, that's all i've ever wanted. The predicament and I have gone our separate ways and remain friends. They all hurt me, and i hurt them in some shape or form and we all wanted different things and are at completely different stages in our lives. When it rains, it pours and my heart is hurting but i know everything will be alright. Don't get me wrong, i feel good about everything and i'm in a good place. I'm caring for my animals, enjoying work (beside the 'he said', 'she said' bullshit but its completely passed now. My lungs feel healthy and open, ready for exercise and I have some great friends. I enrolled in my subjects for university today and i had a great catch up with a beautiful friend of mine. I really can't wait to go on a drive and get down to Byron Bay or something for a cruisy weekend away and maybe see some baby cows?

I'm exercising, eating healthy and feeling good. Over the weekend just gone i went to an awesome eighties party and made some new friends, then Saturday night saw one of my best friends perform in her ballet performance. She was stunning and i nearly cried... seeing her dance again made me so proud of her, i wanted to give her flowers and i couldn't help smiling. Yoga and Pilates have been great classes at the gym too although my ligaments are feeling it today! Nevertheless my ballerina baby inspired me to get back on the horse as they say, so i've joined the gym and im focusing on becoming flexible and strong; my first steps to being a yoga teacher in 5 years. Walking around university today i anticipated what next year, here, will bring. A smile drew across my face and i tossed my empty v can in the bin and headed up the stairs towards the car park. A little nervous, a little apprehensive, a little ready for action!