And it's time for a break!

Well it was that time again.. another birthday and this time my dads! I woke up with a pounding headache, teary, sore throat and sniffling but nevertheless jumped in the shower, dressed myself and headed out the door for my exam (of which i was totally unprepared for and did not study at all.. and have missed half the classes) but for some reason i just don't care. It's probably because of how i feel at the moment, yet this lack of motivation to study a subject i'm very interested in is telling me something. You know what, i'm just going to get it out there and say what's on my mind -

I just want to kiss you all over, and over again! (Hmm. What a predicament!!)


Is it really necessary for me to post that for everyone to read? Yes. Hey, we all know what it feels like when you just want to be in the arms of the person who makes you go all googly eyed like puss in boots off shrek! Well, that's what he does to me.

Boy am i glad university is over for the semester. I feel positive about next semester considering the surgery will be done and over with and i'll be on the up and outer - to infinity and beyond as they say energy wise at least. Iron tablets are helping - i'm just glad i know for sure what's going on with me now and why for over a year i've been having these aches and pains. I read over some blogs from last year and noticed that a lot of the time i talk of muscle aches and pains, so yes, i'm definitely happy knowing whats wrong and knowing it's nothing major. And no, i'm not pregnant, the baby would be here by now!! I guess i'm not camping anytime soon but hopefully going for a little holiday with my best girlfriend Nadine. You know, she is such an amazing friend and i feel so lucky to have her in my life. Close friendships are so important as we go through the hurdles life throws our way, because support is key and friends will always be there for you. I feel blessed to have a loving family like i do also. I mean, families sure have their own ups and downs and sometimes people just get irritating and moody, and sometimes you just want to be alone and not see anyone! Family is family, and when things are amazing they are there for you, and when you are heartbroken and hurt, they are there for you with open arms and loving hugs because they know you best and will love you no matter what, even if you punch the door in whilst losing it and being moody and speaking badly - like when i sometimes take out my own frustrations on them. Forgiving, and forgetting, loving and more, that's what family is for. We had a lovely birthday night with dad. We gave dad his presents and although i was late - i had some great presents in tow and a beautiful icecream cake from baskins (the very best!) it was another nice birthday spent together.

Let's be honest. On a completely different subject i'm feeling confused. I don't know what to do and i don't know the first step to making it all better except that i will continue doing what i love such as stretching, yoga and pole dancing because it makes me happy. My flame is burning out and needs a little oomph to ignite it and build back that burning flame! Take each day as it comes i suppose.

1minute until midnight and thats my cue to sleep! ARGH its thursday.. hens tonight in my hot red number and new heels oh bam! We are going to hit the dance floor and secretly say in our minds as we step onto it 'move bitches, this floors ours!' Girls, it's on the floor!!

okay, sleep time..

until the sun rises.. JP

Back to the Drawing Board

There's an emptiness in my life.

Okay, so its Tuesday morning and i'm beginning this post at 12:22am according to my macbook pro of which i'm currently typing on. I'm freshly showered after a late dinner of toast and a skype chat with Jindy, and of course, my nightly butt exercise routine - because of course i cannot forget that one! Anywho, i was in the shower, showering away, as you do you know, and thought of the days events (this and that) then writing popped into my head and bam, my new blog post began itself in my head so i felt it was only right to post.

MORNING!!

As you are aware, or not, i'm now 22 and nearly finished my second semester of university. I can't believe how quick the years flown past, however, when you think of everything you've accomplished so far that year it definitely doesn't feel that fast. Nevertheless, it's the 16th August and i am definitely not regretting leaving Seaworld. I'd like to visit, in a year or so.. to see the progress of the beautiful baby dolphins i was so lucky to see grow and develop, yet i don't miss anything else about that place. Working at Seaworld brought so much negativity into my mind that not being there feels amazing. Leaving Seaworld, (although quite sudden with a lack of communication with my team - who don't give a shit if i'm there or not anyway - was one of the best feelings in the world. Less stressed and anxious, no more boredom and freedom. Since my birthday is often a time of reflection as i reminisce over the past few years and how i've grown and developed, my experiences and so on, i can't help but think about my 21st birthday dinner at Hard Rock Cafe here on the Gold Coast. A few faces of the party i don't see anymore, two of which have blocked me from facebook (very mature i see) and a few others which i decided to delete off my facebook anyway for personal reasons and so on. Two of them i really didn't want to be friends with because i hadn't spoken to them in so long and quite frankly i do not care. Way to hurt your shoulder getting onto a pontoon, whatever. I have my best girlfriend Nadine who means so much to me, i have my family and a few really good other friends. I've got some great friends at university and at pole dancing, and you know, its all i need. Life isn't a popularity contest, and if i cared that much about having a massive group of friends, i'd join the other barbies on the gold coast and get drunk on half shots on ladies night - no thanks.

Now, considering this year has had its own ups and downs - physically and mentally - i am looking forward to the next few months. I really feel that some positive things are going to happen and despite relationships having their own ups and downs, i feel positive about my relationship, but only time will tell. Sometimes its late at night i think about myself and who i am as a person - not in an adolescent moratorium kind of way - but in a general well being reflective way. My attitude, opinions, values, ideas and so on. I think about my character and what i need to improve on and my judgements. It's really interesting, i feel like for a few years now i've been trapped in a vicious circle which has had a negative influence on me. I've been feeling frustrated, like i'm thrown to the bottom of a steep wave. I've tried to explain it all and get back up but due to some relationship difficulties, i don't feel too good about myself - only natural. As soon as i've tried to get to the source of the problem, something flares up and im unable to do any more. Instead i analyse everything which is wrong in my relationship and start listing the areas in which we should both make improvements, but all this does is open the door to more confusion and doubt. We all make mistakes - i'm just a girl. I don't know anyone who doesn't need to make some sort of progress in the art of caring and affection, because we could all do with working a little harder on offering unconditional love to our partners and we could all do with being a little less sensitive, egotistical and nervous, however, this is only possible through openness, willingness and good practice. Once we are able to respond to our partners aggression with love, calmness and an open heart rather than with anger and hurt, then we will fully understand that nothing is better for maintaining a good, solid and caring relationship. Ideally a lover should treat his or her own partner as an equal in all aspects of life but we know this isn't the case, we do not live in a perfect world. As a matter of fact, for a whole load of different reasons certain people feel superior to those around them, in some cases it is because they do more than their chosen partner, and in other cases simple ignorance (ignorance is not bliss by the way), and then again there are those that are arrogant and think too highly of themselves. Whatever relationship people are in, i think the most important thing is openness, honesty and respect. Everyone wants to be respected therefore you should respect the other person to and appreciate them, and love them for them. I'm someone very special and unique - we all are. There are no two people alike on this earth - each of us  are irreplaceable. Relationships grow in strength and power when both partners come to terms with the contributions and efforts each person makes.

You know i have noticed that i sometimes suffer from 'mental attacks,' and they aren't doing me any good in my life. They are rather negative and bring me self-doubt and a lack of confidence (something i can be good at). It seems that i am victim to my own mind and the difficulty is that i'm not always aware of being a victim - it's something i'm more so noticing now. These 'mental attacks' are so rapid and frequent that i hadn't realised what was happening to me and how much damage it's doing to myself. I let myself get carried away by my thoughts (hence this blog!) in the same way someone might with a book or film, and they happen at random - anytime and any place. I know they stem from difficulties in my relationships, from certain fears and suspicions. What i need to do is watch my reactions carefully and realise when i begin to have one of those mental attacks and stop it by thinking hard about something else. Once i get rid of these negative mental attacks i can continue to live life more harmoniously and all the energy i spent uselessly on negativity can be put to more positive use! Again it's that little thing called attitude, right george? :)

That's another thing, i know me and George are at different stages in our lives but it does feel so strange to go our separate ways like we did - something we have spoken about recently and feel better for being open and honest with him. I know my blog isn't like it used to be, but i haven't had a lot of time for it. I think it's important i do get back on track with it and write, because writing makes sense to me. True, i have started painting and being a little more creative. Today i grabbed a whole bunch of the pistachio nut shells Jindy and I have been hoeing into and have decided to make a turtle scene out of them. Okay, it probably sounds like the weirdest thing creating a turtle picture out of pistachio nuts but hey, it's art right! I'm looking forward to painting on my semester break from uni. Im not 100% sure if we are going camping but i really hope we do. I've been looking so forward to it and i think it would be really good for us.

You know, life brings along with it it's own daily stressors and routines. Many of this difficulties which we encounter with our partners can become amplified by the daily grind of routine life together. These little stressors and conflicts can sow discord between two people, yet we need to try and ignore it to make the right decisions. Above all, i think it's important to be friends. Of course a couple shouldn't only be about this but relationships have to include friendship for it to work well which is something you and your partner need to understand. The best way to maintain or establish this friendship is to measure the good gestures made within your relationship. I suppose this sounds easier said than done, but a trusting friendship is the best way forward for a couple and i think for my relationship. I think that support is a big thing in a relationship. In a relationship we must treat our partners with the same kindness, sympathy and respect as you would your best friend, and above all, explain this and ask your partner to do the same. In situations it's important to ask yourself 'how would i react if this was my best friend?'

Im so tired. I cant believe it's 1:40am. I'm laying on my stomach and now my lower back is aching! I'm still in pain from the muscle spasm but am treating it with acupuncture (only one session so far) but we will see how it goes! Im looking forward to waking up and treating myself to some healthy porridge (inspired from Jindys mum) and some mandarin juice... nom nom nom. A day of studying, dinner with my best friend and a stretching session - i think it shall be a great day! Clearly my thoughts are a little mismatched at the moment yet i'm feeling comfortable and confident about the next few weeks ahead.

Until the sun doesn't set..

Jp xx

Baby you're a firework

HERE, NOW & ALWAYS

...

or not.

Its just one of those things where no matter what people say, it doesn’t make things better. I feel lost, like I have no direction in life. Sure, I’m at uni finishing my degree but even that’s a wasted endeavor because I’m not even trying. I have no motivation to study, I rarely went to class the second half of the semester, and I’m tired all of the time; my muscles feel weak. It’s taken a toll on my body including my emotional well being, my personal relationships with friends, family and of course Jindy. It’s been 11 days and I’ve got it again.

This irregularity to my health has been going on all year. What started as something seemingly minor, its escalated and it’s like it doesn’t stop. No wonder I’m tired - my bodies working hard trying to fight this pest. It’s just an interfering monstrosity of a being! Anyway, I’ve seen the appropriate people and I can get it fixed soon enough – for quite a high price of course! Yet, something has to be done. I have an exam tomorrow that I’m totally unprepared for it and of course to my delight, this pest has impeccable timing, and has presented itself to me in time for my exam. YAY. . *rolls eyes*

I bought new bedding today, in time for summer and have completely changed my room. Kind of an early spring clean. I think that when my room is clean, something is wrong and it just doesn't feel right, but i know it will only stay like this until i get home tomorrow, then the jodie bomb will hit the house once again. 

Im really looking forward to my exams finishing. It will be complete me time with rest and relaxation. A hens night full of fun, dancing and laughter (perfect timing) and a wedding next saturday to top it all off seeing two of my most awesome friends come together as one family, with their little girl in tow :) Im definitely going to have to wipe my CF card to take many photos! 

You know i have a lot of positive things in my life yet i don't feel normal.

I just want to feel normal again and be appreciated for me. 

History Repeating

Although i am a young and active 21 year old (soon to be 22), i feel like i've been hit by a bus. Im tired and often lethargic, in pain and unfocussed and unmotivated. I feel like i have a kidney infection all over again. Although i've paid for pole i couldn't attend this week. I don't have the energy, heck, i dont even have the mental capacity right now for my speech on palm oil. I just want to be healthy again.

What is in a name?

Everyone has a name, chosen by none other than those on this earth before us - our parents. What do our names mean? Does the meaning to your name define who you are? What about birth signs- astrology. Does your birth sign, (for me, a leo - a roaring lioness) define your personality and characteristics? How about your biological and genetic make up? People are more than just there names (well duh!) more than just jodzsta, pode or rangi? I am more than just a neighbour, a friend, a neice, and cousin. How about more than just a sister or a daughter? How about more than just a distant ancestor or a girlfriend? We are more than what we have ever thought we were, or are going to be. Our experiences shape our thoughts, perception and judgments.

Last night, my boyfriend and i were laying on his bed reading through some interesting notes on astrology. Astrology is a remarkable subject underestimated by those who don't know much about it and conform more to the thinking that astrology is for people who 'need help.' Like psychology, science, medicine and the such, astrology is more than just a name. Its more than a broadened field of thinking into spirituality. There are many kinds of astrology. And for thousands of years people have looked to themselves and their world around them and uncovered a deeper connection into spirituality and more so into our humanity. This is how i see it anyway. I can only speak for myself and what i believe, after all, this is a blog about my thoughts.

The way i see it - i believe that astrology can tell us many things about our personality for enjoyment and wisdom. After all, im nearly 22 and therefore the frontal lobe of my brain is thus still maturing, and as i get older - until about 27 - my brain will continue to develop and mature until it would have developed to its capacity so to say. I will become much more self reflective and notice the little things in astrology and in my horoscope readings that in the past i would have merely skimmed over, however, due to the development of myself (physically, coginitively, and psychosocially) will see just how much it really relates to me. Believe what you will about astrology and believe what you want about your life - but we are all going to die, and thanks to a miracle - we are the lucky ones. So i feel that i should use my time on earth to discover more about myself and my spirituality which will lead to fulfillment in all aspects of my life - relationships, love, my working career, even my travel expeditions i am yet to further encounter. Each aspect of our lives correlate with one another and I yearn to continually live and discover myself 'truly'. I am unique.

Because of all this astrology talk i decided to google astrology and find a horoscope compatibility for myself -a roaring lioness and Jindy - an arien prince! Did you know that astrology can reveal a whole new level of understanding between people simply by looking at their star sign and that of their partner? 

Although we have only been together for just short of 5 months - we have been through ups and downs and learnt more about ourselves and each other than i thought was possible and i love him.

Leo + Aries 

Fire + Fire = Explosion 

The element you share is extremely creative, and hints at a good union. The combination of Leo Fire with Aries Fire is an excellent one — you and Aries can look forward to many satisfying times. 

You are both driven individuals, who have strong creative impulses and know how to support each other. This will help you both achieve your long-term goals. Aries needs to realise that Leo is just as proud and dominating a sign as Aries. There will be no avoiding the who will rule the roost question in this relationship. 

In the extreme, two fire signs combining can be explosive. One can eventually burn out the other — this usually happens if the competitiveness between the two of you gets out of control. But Leo is the fifth sign, which indicates playfulness and a sporting association between you. Try to keep it all in good fun. 

Even if things are going very well, you’ll still have to sort out who is going to be the leader, or see if you can share the job. Neither of you is submissive, so this will be a challenge.

The fact that fire is a common element between you promises very good times, sexually and emotionally. This is definitely a great match in the bedroom. There’s a spark between you there — your connection is spontaneous, fresh and ever youthful. 

If there’s any problem here, it’s most likely to be over-indulgence! Are you complaining, Leo? No way, and neither will Aries! 

You’ll be fascinated by Aries born between 21 March and 30 March. They are ruled by Mars, and this implies a strong karmic association between you. You could have a chance to do a lot of long-distance travelling with them. This combination will be focused on exploration and fun.

Most Arians are compatible with Leo, but the most compatible are those born between 31 March and 10 April — this group has greater solar influences. You will be very drawn to these people and will develop strong friendships with them. Like good wine, these will mature with age. 

Aries born between 11 April and 19 April are ruled by Jupiter as well as Mars. This suggests some very exciting romance between you. Of all the Aries you meet, this group will appeal to you most, sexually. 

Entertainment, sports and other fun activities come naturally to both of you and will keep your relationship sparking. You are also attracted to the innate wisdom of these Aries, and because they are co-ruled by Jupiter, they can calm your fiery and inflexible side


SO this seems to be an interesting match. I think i need to be a bit more spontaneous and learn to be a little more open to meeting randoms.. 


time will tell, and until the sun doesnt set...


peace and love JP

Until the sun doesn't set...

There are so many amazing things we can do in this world, yet most of us are so tied down to our own dreams and aspirations aka our ‘safe zone’ that we overlook subtle opportunities that are floating by. Sometimes, opportunity isn’t so subtle. It has a great, big; ugly head on it with a mouth so large it could envelope your house. Opportunity has a voice that echoes like thunder, screaming down your throat and reverberates through your chest and you simply don’t notice it. Opportunity comes in different shapes and sizes; colours; materials and textures. Sometimes it’s a little package as tiny as a ring on your middle finger, or it can be a large package like a bundle of money you didn’t expect or perhaps a new car. Maybe your opportunity lies in another destination of the world and due to geographical reasons it’s well out of arms reach. Perhaps opportunity comes in the form of something your best friend mentioned, or a simple chance to surprise a lover by becoming committed for the ride. Whatever shape, size or however your opportunity projects itself, don’t overlook it. As a writer something as simple as an autumn falling leaf tells a thousand words and shares its story with me and I see opportunity in my dreams. 

I think as a generation who has had everything given to them, it’s so easy to overlook simple opportunities to be the best person you can be by going somewhere new, trying to cook scrambled eggs (and through personal experience, it isn’t that hard!) or heading to a place you never even wanted to go – all we need to do is change our perspective. I usually say it’s all about your attitude but that’s only a stepping stone; it’s about embracing the ‘new’ and taking a chance, because even if you decide it wasn’t the best thing for you – you learnt something along the way and that kind of experience (added to your knowledge database) will enable you to relax and become more resilient in other situations.

You know, they say this world is full of dreamers and if you don’t like dreaming, have a pascall swirl, because thanks to those dreamers before us we have the kinds of opportunities they only dreamt about. Take skydiving for example – ancient Greek men and women wrote of flying and how lovely it is to watch a bird saw effortlessly through the air, an audacity only dreamt of, yet in this century we have the opportunity to do the same and experience the world from above. I did it and I encourage you to do the same. Even if death was a possibility I wasn’t afraid. We have so much in this world and I’m grateful for the dreams that began the journey to making things happen.  I can only imagine what it will be like to venture off into space, because that’s our next destination. And in so many hundreds of years, someone just like me might be writing a blog about it.

On another note, I have 3 more weeks of classes with a few assignments to go and of course exams. I’m looking forward to my semester break, I’m thinking plenty of pole practice, bush walking and maybe a hot air balloon ride to top it off.

I’m nearly 22 now and I’ve noticed I’m nowhere near as stressed or anxious as I used to be, that’s one thing I can be proud of.

Until the sun doesn’t set, J x

Under the Moonlight

Under the Moonlight (2011)

By Jodie Stewart

I will not lie and pretend this is a silent night,

For fight the moons brightness shines through the dark of night.

The blackened sky is speckled with few stars, here and there,

Masking the beauty of the daylight, heavens not willing to share.

It shines so effortlessly through the fog, a halo unbroken

A tale of its own pure and wonder, for now, remains unspoken.

A whisper softly through the trees shivers through the world,

A story: not for the ears of those who cannot simply tell.

It is what it is, for what’s done is done; yet nothing remains in stone.

The beauty through the blackened sky is one of a kind to show.

Constantly changing, imitating, conditioning and a simply yearn,

To illustrate the beauty of what’s inside, two words: desires turn.

Give thanks to the courage and grace, inspiration merely more,

A dance step and little turn, an old dress weary and torn.

It's repetition, again and again, spinning round and sound,

Hurry, hide and close your eyes the daylights coming round.