A New Chapter Begins

So the journey begins today to become a writer. I sit each day on my black, rough leather chair feeling elegant, yet naïve, as a map of worlds showcase themselves within my head. Staring at a blank screen, I stew over what to write about. Will it be interesting? What makes good reading? How will people feel when they read my work? These questions are constantly revealing themselves to me, even though where I post is to just a simple blog on blogger.net, I can’t help but wonder other readers thoughts as they take in the words I’ve written.

Late June 2010 I began ‘Thoughts begin at 21’, a blog about my life: my ideas, my interests, and my thoughts. I strive to be a first rate version of myself not a second rate version of someone else. And honestly, life isn't short if you know how to use it.

The past few weeks following the hectic festive season and new years have been emotionally overwhelming, mind blowing and, at times, not the easiest to comprehend. Nevertheless, Here I am again with my head held high ready for the New Year. New adventures, challenges, goals and blog posts wait so you can join in on the journey with me. 2011 is forecast to be a year to remember, as I finish my degree, continue to focus on my health and fitness, act positively on what I want to achieve and most importantly continue to be myself. Life is a journey from one stage to the next, and I have just opened a new chapter in the book of 2011. As I sit and ponder the thoughts that constantly play in my mind, like a record on repeat, I notice that our thoughts are much like the weather. Not only are there periods of sunshine where everything is pure bliss and our mindset remains quite positive, we can experience long periods of cloudy, rainy days. These days denote a negative frame of mind. It feels as though you’re on a downer for weeks on end, then peeking through the darkness that overhangs, the suns rays shed light on some kind of natural beauty, a positive feeling begins to calm your mind and you’re on the up and outer.  It’s the feeling that you feel when you want to keep feeling it.

Human beings have experienced these kinds of positive/negative feelings our entire time on this earth; they are not new.  Nevertheless, it is how we act and react to them, that teach us about not only what’s important in life and what is worth worrying about, but also more so about ourselves, and the people we are today. Our thoughts show us why we feel a certain way about one thing or another, what brought us to that position or feeling in the first place, why we mull over certain things that aren’t worth fretting about and so on. Human beings are unique: we have different backgrounds, ideas, morals and values. We not only look different, but act different as well.

Seneca, an ancient Greek Philosopher once said, “Life is long, if you know how to use it.” This thought is not clever in any way whatsoever, but rather logical, in the sense, that when we forget the tiny stresses of our lives and focus on the big picture and all we can accomplish, we have a long filled life ahead of us.  So what are we waiting for?

I mentioned in the beginning of this blog post that the past few weeks have been emotionally overwhelming. Where to begin? Most recently, I’ve started university once again; I feel emotionally stable and adequate with dealing with the workload whilst continuing my job cleaning and filming the animal adventure swims at SeaWorld. I have a personal loan to get on top of my finances. I have continued making time for the things I love such as seeing my family and friends, spending time with my animals and going to the gym for my weekly yoga, Pilates and body balance classes. And I just met my half sister via Facebook (what?!) and I’ve just met my half brother for the first time after Christmas here on the Gold Coast. Okay, so the first few are pretty normal, every day kind of events but the last two? Yikes! I’ve met two family members of mine for the first time, and I can’t even begin to describe how it feels - really big stuff!

Throughout my younger years growing up I had no idea I had two half brothers, extra to the two brothers I already have (imagine telling the youngest daughter whose put up with older brothers, that wait, there are two more!) and then when I was about 10, dad told me I have a sister. Looks like my dad was pretty busy spreading his gene pool, as politely as I can say. I always remember when he first told me about Lesley, my half sister. We were living in Arundel; dad was on the computer working away (workaholic) so it was no surprise to me of course when I went into the room to show him some schoolwork or ask for help on an assignment that that’s where I should find him. Casually, off topic, he mentions I have a sister. Shocked at first, then I was miserable! I thought I was the only daughter, but it seems I wasn’t and I was the youngest of a kit of six.

Facebook, as you all know it, is one of the greatest social networking sites of this generation. We are lucky to be living in a world of technological advancement where we have seen more development in fifty years than in human history alone. After hearing of the devastating QLD floods, the kiwi Lesley sort to find out that her ‘other’ family was okay. She consulted her mum (quite the detective I’m told) and found us in a jiffy online. I didn’t know this until dad sent me an early txt message one morning saying “great news, Lesley is on Facebook, go add her’. Although I haven’t actually had the opportunity to meet with her in person yet, I feel privileged that we are finally in touch. I’ve always wondered about her, who she is, what she looks like, how she was growing up, her interests, her hates, everything. It’s no use wishing we’d met earlier as great as it probably would have been, but rather focus on the now and know that we have the rest of our lives to get to know one another. I’m so happy to finally meet all of my family. Which brings me to meeting my half brother, Joshua, for the first time at the beginning of the year. He is my oldest brother, from New Zealand also whom I most dearly have wanted to get to know for a long time. I’m happy we have finally met and find it so interesting that out of dads 6 kit of offspring, we look most alike.

Joshua and Israel, his younger brother, my other half-brother came to visit the Gold Coast just after Christmas to spend time with the family.  I took two extra days off work that week so I could get to know Joshua (I know Israel already, and it was so great to see him. As he knows, I always want to move to Melbourne, and work in the zoo.) Anyway, Joshua is highly intelligent, well read, and definitely knows a thing or two about the world! It’s taken 21 years to finally meet, but never mind that. Just like Lesley, Joshua and I have the rest of our lives to continue to chat and get to know each other. It helps having dad live here on the coast. I’ve spent a few nights in dad’s bat cave discussing stories – dad’s definitely full of them (farm stories, sailing, women to bike gangs and playing chase with the cops), and he has told me stories of Israel and Joshua. Nevertheless I embraced the opportunity and asked questions. Looking through photo albums, Joshua felt saddened that he had missed so much but that doesn’t matter anymore. He is with us now.

I’ve gone through life, guessing and wondering where I’m going and where I’ll end up. I knew this year was going to be a year to remember and meeting the rest of my family has filled a tiny void in myself I felt was missing for a long time. So many thoughts ran through my mind about my family, it completely turned my world upside down, for a week or so, especially after Joshua left. I didn’t want to see him go as I’d hardly even scratched the surface - it was just the beginning. Nevertheless, a myriad of journeys have begun. Amidst all the chaos of our frenetic lives, the search for stillness continues and through the spasmodic nature of life an upstanding individual, strong, worthy and free will shine through: me. So here I am, 21, happy, carefree and being me. I know my family, I trust my instincts, and I believe that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% the way we react to it. So the journey to getting to know my siblings has begun, and so the journey to being a published author to. Somewhere along the way remains a story of love and passion but that is a tale for another time. 

Remember: Live with passion. Provide freedom. Love nature. One more for the hell of it: please wear sunscreen.

-- JP --