When there's a will, there's a way..

The best things about this month:

 healthy eating, beautiful beaches and spending time with loved ones.

Its been an interesting past few days in terms of the new job getting underway, spending time with friends and helping them out with their own problems and seeing an old friend again. Saturday afternoon i dropped by an old friends place to catch up. I hadn't seen him for quite some time and had a few things i had to apologise for that he already knew about, but after seeing him, i felt so much more at ease in my mind with my decisions and actions that led me back to being in his life again. Its hard to explain, but its like i've done a full circle. I realised that my heart was broken last year and it wasn't any mans doing. Anyway, i filled the void of it by putting my energy into something else, into someone else and realised when things needed to end the hurt and anger i bottled up from so many months before also made me a lot more angry at the person. Anyway, thats in the past and the promising thing about it all is that i now realise why i reacted to things i did. When you are faced with something that feels so beyond your capabilities to deal with, its hard to not let your emotions overtake you. Honestly, it's overwhelming, devastating, frustrating and so on. Now i am not saying the relationship i was in last year was perfect at all because it wasn't and i'm a lot happier now we aren't together, but it doesn't mean tht we can't be friends at least. We had a lot of good and happy times together. I cannot be angry no more. 

In terms of the job, im a little overwhelmed by the whole idea and feel i need to just relax and get my health issues sorted before trying to throw myself into a full time position and working 6 days a week. I have a low immune system from adrenal gland insufficiency and am trying my best to boost my immunity and get better. Luckily im having an IUD (mirena) put in on Tuesday which will help me out a lot because im tired of popping a pill everyday that fucks around with your hormones. 

Im feeling pretty good about the next month. I have family coming over from England for two weeks and i am getting so excited, i just cannot wait to see them. I met them when i was 14 and haven't seen them since, hence i am getting so anxious to see them again. It's going to be great. I just spent the weekend in Byron again and it was so nice being there. I love the drive down there. The scenery is so good. Last time i was there weekend of Mothers day i took a wrong turn and ended up driving the tweed valley way home, rang dad and said i had no idea where i was. I had no where to be and enjoyed  the scenery listening to music and spending time in my own head. Its good to spend time by yourself, indulge in your own thoughts and personal space but ill admit, it's not always easy. Im actually thinking about going somewhere else for a few months to get away and have a casual job for a change of scenery. I can't really afford it at the moment but if i get enough cash together to just get there, it wouldn't be to hard. Byron really was so good today, i didn't want to leave. I wanted to spend another night there and have a few drinks, watch the byron sun set. Its such a beautiful place, makes for a nice getaway, and good company, well thats just a bonus. 

Im thinking these vegemite corn thins for dinner were the best idea yet. Until the stars fall,

JP.

Ever think it's a chance willing to take?

A new day breathes new opportunites

Opportunity. It's just one of those words. 

It’s like a new beginning. I don’t know what I imagined it would be like, yet I feel content. It’s an exciting new opportunity and I’m going to throw myself into it with all I’ve got. What do I have to lose? I have no experience, I didn’t even know the job I was going for, yet I went in there with an open mind ready for anything and it looks like I could do well as long as I’m committed and give it a decent go. LIKE A BOSS!

On the other hand… I’m really looking forward to what the next few days have to bring. I’m doing some demonstrations and seeing a few friends of mine who are helping me out. Been looking forward to tomorrow night for some time now, finally its nearly here. What am I, 16 again, im a little nervous actually. Apprehensive, they might also call it? Strangers are just friends waiting to happen... right? And again, what do you have to lose. If something makes you smile well thats the first step. Like they say, it uses a lot more muscles to frown, than smile, so don't be afraid to show off them pearly whites! 

Even though i'm battling through these health issues, they aren't so bad that i cant do something about it and it's a lot better than having a viral infection that keeps you pinned to the couch for two months. It's brought me a lot of frustration, anxiety and sent me downhill but its not the end of the world, and each little step i take towards fixing it, helps. Im so lucky my new boss is understanding of my situation. We are only human. 

Now, to what im thinking at the moment, If only Byron wasn't so far away... its easy enough to drive there, i know this, it's not far really. I would drive there every night, i feel a kind of attachment to Byron. Its a feeling of bliss and caution. Not only from my past experiences but its like my heart wants me to be there and here at the same time. Sound confusing. It makes more sense in my head. Emotion would have to be at times one of the hardest things to explain, and to pin point exactly how you feel about something. You know when you have a whole lot of somethings affecting how you feel, yet, if you could separate those pieces into individual bits, you might make some sense out of the mess. It's a domino effect. Every bit of experience in life adds up and affects how you experience the rest of your life, because your subconscious picks up on minute details and gives your head and heart a heads up and says "hey, use caution here". We are so lucky. Instead of drifting aimlessly, we listen to our body and seek to understand and comprehend the signals. 

I don't want to miss out on any opportunities, and i won't apologise for being myself. I don't aim for the spotlight, i pursue whats best for me. If i fail, ill jump up and try again. Attitude. It's all about ya darn attitude!

Peace and love

JP

Time after time

After watching the film 'Eat pray love' for the first time, well, the first time viewing the full length version considering i attempted to watch it but fell asleep after 30minutes (no, it wasn't boring, i was just exhausted and struggled to keep my eyes open). Well, it gave me the inspiration i needed to do something for myself. Of course if i could i would book a plane ticket to Taipei and spend time with my half sister, getting to know her and the people she is surrounded by - the unique culture of Taiwan and everything it has to offer. We go through our lives on a day to day basis, wondering aimlessly simply doing what needs to be done and sometimes it feels like you are stuck in a rut. We get to that point where we wonder where our life is taking us, what path we are currently travelling on and all of these thoughts consume our mind, it's like trying to figure out a turtle puzzle but instead of a normal picture, its in 3D (yes, i've completed a 3D turtle puzzle and it was difficult!) Everyone has had that feeling of 'been there, done that', what is that acronym.. of course i remember it's "S.S.D.D"(same shit different day) for those living in a cave. Now, feling like you're 'stuck in a rut' isn't exactly a negative feeling, but it sure as hell feels quite the ordinary. It's just one of those things you mull over for a few days or weeks and them bam! Something hits you like a train wreck and you are back on your feet not even thinking about those days of contemplative numbness. It's like a dull grey wall.

Can i get a twirt twirt bounce bounce clap clap? -- that song is completely stuck in my head, but i don't mind cos' it reminds me of a happy time with a friend of mine. I just spent some time in Byron bay chilling out with a friend and spending time relaxing. It's hard to relax sometimes and close off your mind to the madness churning within. He helps me do this though. We just spent the night watching a movie and fell asleep earliesh.. about ten, and i just snuggled into him. When i woke up in the morning we had pancakes with the best mango sorbet and he went off to do his own thing and so did i. I decided to head to the beach as i needed to rest my mind and enjoy the serenity of some alone time. I walked along the beach and watched the waves crash down along the shore line and the happy families spending time with one another, kids are so funny. Can't help but love them. I wanted to walk up to the lighthouse but stupidly forgot my ventolin and half way up there needed to rest my chest, so called dad for a bit of a chat.  After that i decided to go for a drive to Brunswick Heads and Ocean Shores and found another perfect beach to adventure upon. It was so beautiful. When i finally was en route to the Gold Coast i missed the turn off for the highway and ended up taking the Tweed Valley scenic route...thought i must have been heading in the wrong direction when i wasn't on a highway for 20 minutes. Rang dad and told him i had no idea where i was but the scenery was nice. I chucked on Frou Frou and cruised along, taking photos whilst driving and sifting through the thoughts that sprung in and out of my mind. I definitely needed a day to myself. It felt so peaceful not to be in any rush anywhere, not to have to answer to anyone and just enjoy the surroundings.

I really miss him at the moment. I'm missing his company and the way he just makes me smile. He helped me realise that its okay to be happy with the way i am, and to not apologise for being myself. It's like they say, people either love you or hate or try to be you, and if they don't like it, they weren't worth it in the first place. It's interesting because i was seeing someone for a few weeks that i met on a night out with some friends. Things were going well and everything was okay but it just fizzled out. Things don't always work out and i wasn't ready for a relationship. He said he'd call me because he felt bad about a few things and wished to explain and im still waiting on that phone call. To be honest, i don't want to hear from him. I don't want to be apart of any games. No one likes being lied to or made a fool of.

On the positive side, well there was no negative side. I have a great new friend, the greatest old friends, my car is getting fixed, i have a new job (which i start tomorrow) as a sales rep. and theres nothing wrong with the bones in my hip! Only thing is im seeing a specialist friday for some other issues but things are looking up. I did see an old boyfriend the other day for only about ten minutes, but it felt good not to feel anger and hurt when seeing him, but rather just seeing him as a friend. When we ended it, it was hard on me and im sure it was hard on him to. I loved him yet felt so much hurt and anger its taken me all this time to actually want to see him. We shared a lot of good times and i miss his mum to. Shes a champion.

I guess we take each day as it comes and face challenges in life head on. I've taken a few chances, some good and some bad but the experiences are what teaches us along the way and guide us through. I could really do with a snuggle right now, missing him..

until the stars fall..

JP xxx

Shh, listen.

Something to ponder...

Dear heart,


This is a message for you, and for all hearts. I carry my heart with me, wherever i go, my hopes and dreams to where shall we go? 


Out in the morning amongst the crisp fresh air, does hope spring eternal, precious and rare?
For today is a day of such beauty in sadness, 
the pain bringing emotions of convoluted madness.


Within the soul breathes fire and light, for fight, the moons brightness shone through the dark of night.
A life laid out, amidst a warm blue day, bravery it took, words hard to say. 


My heart i embrace, and yours all the more, for a hearts a precious spirit and hope does endure,
Protected by strength, a hidden musical score, the condemnation is gone, the battle already won.


The moon says goodnight, the stars fade from sight, the new flowers bloom, the sun so bright.


A new beginning. 
 JP

How interesting the way life takes its course. Anxiety attacks, stress, health problems, and what else? Well, one things for sure, i feel good all over. funny that? I almost feel inside out. Yet, the past week has taught me so much about what i want in life and how to achieve it. One person can make such a difference to your life. It all comes back to you though. I'm literally broke, but not broken. I have my family and friends to help me get through. Some of my old health problems have popped their ugly heads back to the surface. I don't have the cash flow at the moment to amend them, a simple pill won't help but i've been advised yet again for surgery. I suppose when you try to forget about something without fixing the source of the problem, it really can pop its head up when you least expect it! Kind of like emotions in themselves and life itself. hmph! I did breakdown this afternoon from feeling so fed up from it all. Instead of holding in the emotions and letting them build up, you gotta open the valve and just let it flood out. I felt a lot better afterwards, chatting to my dad on skype, speaking to a few friends via text and hearing from my brother in melbourne, well that always helps. I know why i'm upset, its just hard to explain sometimes. I believe, or at least i strive to be emotionally aware of myself and know with consistency and determination i can beat the anxiety, but a little help from my friend St John Wort won't matter. At least i know it works;-)

Lastly, a note on LoVe. Fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely. For love is a feeling unlike any other. The bond of love endures strengths and strains, each of which nourishes that feeling of harmony and unity with another. That feeling you feel when you want to keep feeling it is happiness at it's best. Theres a kind of strength and beauty in sadness, courage in pain and bravery in fearful circumstances. Although heartache brings feelings to the surface of unjust and anger, it shows us that we are human, and capable of experiencing an array of emotions that appreciate others that makes us feel alive. What it truly means to be alive. Im crazy and what are you then? Learn to resonate in the sounds of silence. You might learn something...

What is life worth to you? You can't be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Perhaps chilling out on the beach and soaking up the warmth of the sunlight is the first step to a natural vitamin boost i needed. And a cuddle good night. Never goes astray..

Until the stars fall,

JP xxx

Written in stone

or perhaps, written by key...thought for today: Can i sail through the changing ocean tides?

Its like a new emotion, tingling, contradictory to the norm. The change of season is upon us. My life has been built upon the decisions i've made and the actions i've pursued. I have a few things on my mind at the moment. Im researching into some companies i'd like to apply for work experience or internships and trying to decide the best avenue to take myself. Easier said than done. Im pretty broke so i'm a little stressed about money but money isn't everything, and there are cheap alternatives to having a good time, it all depends on the company you surround yourself with. Company is key and lately, myself is the best company because im pretty moody. I blame hormones... ha! Well thats the next thing to get sorted. Healthy body, healthy mind, healthy heart = a healthy soul and a peaceful Jodie... :-) (who won't snap at you asking me if i want a tea or coffee)

Its not always peaches and cream

A times it can be like chalk and cheese. Things don't always add up... the sums don't make any sense, it's like sitting in your algebra class with a book open on physics, staring out the window dreaming about the starry night. Hmm, a little confusing? Well i won't say thats how i feel at the moment, because i don't. Things are pretty straight down the line, however, what is like chalk and cheese is the amount of options we have. The different directions our lives could lead us all depend on choices. How i miss when things simply consisted of what time school started in the morning and if my costumes were ready for my eisteddfod that weekend. I think whats happening here is that i've realised there is no way back, and definitely no point planning to many goals for the future or even planning events that are two weeks away, unless you know you can stick to them, because sometimes when you plan to much disappointments arise because something will pop its ugly (or pretty) head up out of the wood works and its beyond your control. So how do you react? You simply notice it, make a decision, act, and move on and for goodness sake do not dwell on it. A common saying is that "the biggest mistake you will make in life is fearing that you will make a mistake." This is true, and it is something i aim to live by. If you don't do something, that you have never done, you will always get what you've always gotten. This is why the past few weeks i've taken a stand and simply asked the question, if i wanted to know the answer. Called up the people im afraid to call (i hate talking on the phone and ringing places to book things... im getting there though). Tell the truth (well, i am always honest) and don't be afraid to tell a person how you really feel, or how they made you feel. Its basically about being true to yourself and being confident. As human beings we aren't always confident and we don't always believe in ourselves or believe that we are worthy of our accomplishments and achievements but we are. With a positive outlook not only on life but being alive and being yourself, we really can achieve what we want to, and if you don't well you obviously didn't care enough, or try hard enough and if you feel like giving up, well, take a breather and try again the next day. Life is impressive, in its scope and depth and in its implications.

I've started a new business diploma course full time at Martin College and just completed my first week. It will be an interesting next few months regarding the course content, the people i'll meet and the opportunities that may arise. Im going to apply for the student representative council and get involved with the careers pathways program and apply for an internship with a company (hopefully) toward the end of my course. I need to get a head, in a company where i can build on my skills and knowledge by utilising the abilities i already have and gaining real life experience to. Im 22, going on 23 this year so its about time i get some groundings for a decent career. Career and family is important to me, but so is living a fulfilled and happy life. One question im looking into this week is this:

"How are we to use the passions to understand our circumstances and engage in communal life?"

The answer is yet to come and will differ for each individual.

Now, its time i stop procrastinating and begin putting together this report. Wait, i have baskins in the freezer... sugar for mental stability? I think yes!

Until the stars fall,

JP x

For the world was built to develop character

"There comes a point in your life when you realise who matters, who never did, who won't anymore and who always will. Don't worry about people in your past, theres a reason they didn't make it to the future."


After chatting to an old friend on facebook i can't help but to reminisce about our time spent together, and the thoughts and memories we shared. How simple and so completely complicated my life was whilst at the same time the little things came into play. The little things in life are often overlooked but are just as important as the big things. These "little things" we take for granted and only notice them once they are missing, instead of appreciating them and noticing them whilst they are right under our noses. That friend i was talking about above is off to Melbourne for a few days and i'm very jealous! To say the least, it's Melbourne. A place i've always wanted to move to. To me, simple hearing the world 'Melbourne' screams "Jodie get your ass into gear, save and move!" Yet, i can't just pack up my things and move to another city. I have my pets to think about and theres no way them here without me, not even for a few months. It's bad enough when im without them for a week! 


Anyway, chatting to old friends and new friends has painted a picture of the people i not only want in my life but really need. Im very fortunate to have the friends i do. They are so honest and supportive and considering the different circumstances we've overcome not only together but individually, i see each month pass by and i notice that not only do we grow closer together and our friendship strengthens, but personal growth occurs within me also. Its an amazing feeling. As i've said in earlier blogs emotional intelligence matters more than IQ and i want to be able to see the changes and developments occur in myself, and notice how having the supportive and positive people in my life makes a difference. Sometimes, we think its better to go it alone, hide our problems and face them on our ow when we think we can but only notice that bottling them up makes us implode from the inside out. This isn't a healthy way of dealing with issues, stresses in our daily lives, small or large. Sometimes, all you need to do is face up to them one by one, take each day as it comes and don't be afraid to open up a little to your friends, because sometimes they say one little thing that makes you see through the clouds. We get so wrapped up into our own problems we cant see a way out. The road is hazy and untravelled, but our friends (and not forgetting family also) can help clear the fog and pave the way for a clearer view. So although the road ahead may be a little rocky (take caution here) windy (slow down and reduce your speed) or even slippery when wet (again, caution!) our friends can help us through.


This week all it took was one phone call (a two hour phone call mind you) to help open my eyes and see things a little clearer. When people notice a pattern developing its better to tell the person and help them to figure out what to do about it instead of to simply sit back and watch them make the same mistake over again. I started this post talking about friendships and realising who matters in your life: who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. I believe some things happen for a reason but i don't believe everything that happens in life falls back onto that philosophy. You may disagree with me yet i just believe its common sense. Tonight ive gained a clearer picture of what i want in my life. To be happy in a new relationship i first off need to be happy with myself. It's not going to happen overnight, and its going to be an incredible journey and im grateful to the people who i know will be there every step of the way. 


For the world was built to develop character. The challenges we face build up our endurance and teach us to listen to our minds but follow our hearts. Its a combination of features and qualities that make us all unique and form the individual nature of a person or thing. 


Until the stars fall,


JP x